How am I suppose to meet a girl.........

[bluedragonfly2000]

I need hints........I need ideas............I need self esteem...........I need to find places to meet girls............I am sooo lost............
ok, here is the story, I don't know if I want to "be" with girls or if I just want some female friends. Lesbians I have found are not superficial and I have lots of fun with the ones I know (only two) I don't know how to figure me out..........any ideas.............and if I decide to "be" with women........how the heck am I suppose to meet them (I am very shy) well that is my crazy rant for tonight, talk to you guys tomorrow,
Mel

[Galeshka]

*hugs* Mel, you sound like you might need one.

When I met Caroline I had been on my own for quite a while and was not looking. While I had met women I was attracted to it had never gone past that, for various reasons......when I did start talking with Caroline, it was as a friend, and I wasn't terribly concerned about gender, etc...

I guess what I'm trying to say is.....stop worrying about the whethers, or if's, the self-esteem, and how others will view you because that 1. puts the focus on where you feel weakest and most confused, and 2. keeps you from being open to all the opportunities that come your way.

I don't know if they have something like NWMF around where you are, but that's a good place to meet people.....and because they have a variety of offerings: musical, spiritual, artistic, athletic, etc... you're more likely to meet someone you share a common interest with and that's a good basis for a friendship (or more), builds self-esteem, gives you something to talk about despite shyness, and lets you explore your feelings in a secure setting. You might also talk with your lesbian friends.....are they involved in any activities, or go to clubs, etc.. where you could join in? Volunteering is also a great way to meet people with whom you have something in common, is a great self-esteem builder, and takes the focus off you so that you don't feel so self-conscious.

I wish I could be of more help Mel, and I wish you all the best.

[bluedragonfly2000]

We have a very small closed lesbian/gay community where I live. It's not really out there. We once had a "gay" bar but it burnt down recently. Really I just need some soul searching. and I need to spend some time on my own...its scary. Thanks for you reply
Mel

[Yaria]

I have a promblem with having been bullied since second grade, so I know about the self-esteem issue. The best thing to do is just go out, be yourself, and let things work it out for themselves. If it's ment to be, it's ment to be. So don't sweat it, just let it happen. That's the best thing to do.

[bluedragonfly2000]

Yaria, thanks for your reply I just went back and read it again. It is so true....if it's meant to be its meant to be.....right now I am in limbo but ok with it overall I guess. I have been spending time with myself and I have been seeing my ex (male) sometimes too. He is helping my dad remodel my bathroom. I missed him while I was away. I haven't been out in the "gay" community too much since I have been back. Just taking it one day at a time and trying to like being with me Well thanks for the reply again, its something I needed to stop and rethink about
Mel

[bluedragonfly2000]

So I went out to see a concert in the park tonight with my guitar teacher (lesbian) and then we were invited to a party. There were lots of beautiful girls but I was soooooooo shy that I hardly said boo to any of them. When there was only four of us left I started chatting alittle more. I hate being shy. I really need to work on that. so that is something for me to be aware of and to work on
Talk to you later,
mel

[Zebra]

Mel, I think you say it best in your signature... one step to start the journey. I think it was a great step to start talking a little more, when the crowd got a little more managable. It is tough to approach anyone at a party, it always seems like everyone else knows somebody, and one would be intruding. with a small group it is easier. you can more casually start a conversation.
Hmm I guess i just wanted to send a "good job" your way, and encourage you to not give up :-)


Zebra

[bluedragonfly2000]

Zebra thanks for your reply. Actually when I got home one of the girls that was at the party, is someone I met online like 3 weeks before and when I got home she said hi and that she had seen me at the party (I sent her a pic of me) (I didn't recall her face until she said hi to me online later that night) and she said asked when are we going to get to meet and be formally introduced . I haven't talked to her again since but when I see her online I will ask if she wants to go out for coffee or something.
Talk to you later,
Mel

[Zebra]

Sounds like a leap to me :-)
Nice little surprise at the end of the night.

Take the coffee and have her introduce you to lots of friends ;-)

See how the little steps take you places? I will lurke and see where if you share. :-)

Zebra

[Yaria]

Originally posted by bluedragonfly2000
Yaria, thanks for your reply I just went back and read it again. It is so true....if it's meant to be its meant to be.....right now I am in limbo but ok with it overall I guess. I have been spending time with myself and I have been seeing my ex (male) sometimes too. He is helping my dad remodel my bathroom. I missed him while I was away. I haven't been out in the "gay" community too much since I have been back. Just taking it one day at a time and trying to like being with me Well thanks for the reply again, its something I needed to stop and rethink about
Mel

Glad I could help mel!