Unusual situation and have a question...

[heidi 1973]

I have a question for you all...

Long story short...we were working on adopting from Ukraine last year and got all the documents together to send to Ukraine and then my bosses goddaughter (age 17) thought about allowing us to adopt her baby. Our Ukraine homestudy was modified to fit a domestic adoption. We met with her and felt an instant connection, but later she decided to keep her daughter. Meanwhile, we felt the need to TTC and got pregnant in January 04 - thank God - and are due in October. The birthmother is pregnant again and doesn't feel that she handle another baby and would like us to adopt her new baby. She is due in January, just 3 months after our due date.

I realize that our homestudy will be 16 months old and will need to be updated, but my question is, is there likely to be a problem with us having a 3 month old and trying to adopt a newborn?

We have always felt that our connection was meant to be by God and my boss and his wife saw it too when we met the girl and her parents. I just pray that there won't be any problems.

Thanks for the help!

By the way, I still come to this board and check out your updates every day and pray that your adoptions will be completed soon!

[Calantha]

I don't know about Oregon, but my aunt and uncle adopted a newborn here in Illinois when she was 8 months pregnant. They had already met the birthmother and decided on the adoption when she found out she was pregnant and decided they wanted both babies. My cousins are now 21 years old and perfectly happy and integrated parts of the family.

[heidi 1973]

Thanks for the reply Brandy! Did you receive your referral yet? Probably any day now huh?! Hopefully soon!

The birthmother is aware of our pregnancy and she still wants us to adopt the baby so that is probably what matters the most. I probably should contact the agency that did our homestudy and talk to them.

Thanks again!

[Calantha]

Nothing yet. We were told we are first on the list for a baby... but they don't have any babies! Maybe this will be our week... thanks for the well wishes Good luck getting everything sorted out with the homestudy. Might need to have it updated to reflect your new situation.

[dms]

Hi Heidi:

That's a tricky one. Only you and your husband know in your hearts if it is meant to be and if you can handle it. People have multiple births all the time and they "make it". However, I was blessed to adopt a wonderful little girl 2 years ago and I am so sure that I couldn't have handled two at once. (We are going through the terrible 2's though so that could be why I am feeling this way!

Good luck on your decision and congrats on your pregnancy! October is one of my favorite months--great time to have a baby (or two)!

Dawn

[heidi 1973]

Thanks ladies!

I spoke with the BM on the phone yesterday for over an hour and she sounds pretty certain that she can't handle another baby. We are very excited and a little scared at the same time. Her current pregnancy has been very different than her previous pregnancy. Everyone thinks she is having a boy this time. She invited us to her appointments and the birth!

We would love to have a boy especially since we are having a girl. It would be so much like having boy girl twins again.

I have another question for you ladies. Obviously, they are only going to be a few months apart and not really twins. But I know that everyone is always going to ask them if they are twins. So I am trying to figure out how to best answer this question. We are going to "celebrate" the blessing of adoption, but don't feel like we have to single out our adopted child. KWIM? Any ideas?

Thanks!

[roo1014]

A lady in our church was 3mo pg. then a young girl in the church also became pg. They wanted a family in the church to adopt the young girls baby so the other lady did. The adopted baby was a boy and she had a girl the boy was a premie born at 34wks. So they do say yes when asked if the children are twins. But they also explain most of the time. Best wishes to you. And congrats.

[Lisa2008]

i wouldnt lie about it, as the children could become confused. Kids are likly to think adoption is shamefull or second best if it is kept secret , and i think lying about adoption could instill that in their minds. I would just say no we adopted, and if they ask what one, i would ask what it matters to them. Alot of people feel the right to ask invasive, and insensitive questions when they find out your child is adopted. people frequently ask me why ds was adopted, and want to know about the bm. i tell them it is his info to share with whom he wants, then 9 out of 10 times they say, well was she young, they didnt even hear me.