Discussing excessive hair with future husband.

[a20th31]

Hello everyone. I'm getting to the point in my relationship with a darling man where I need to tell him about my excessive facial and body hair...

I'm always freshly waxed, shaved or 'depilatated' :-) when we're together. I don't want to enter into a marriage without him knowing all that I deal with.

Any suggestions?

[bethers]

I would just explain that you have a medical condition, and one of the side effects is excess body & facial hair - which you can remove on an ongoing basis.
A man who loves you really won't care. He loves you because you are you. Not because of your hair or lack of hair.

[ljl7171]

We all have our flaws. No one is perfect. One day, I just told my DH my flaw. (We were engaged at the time.) I didn't want to keep it from him anymore. I have to shave my underchin everyday (used to be twice a day until I was put on Metformin and now I am Aldactazide (has Sprio and HZTZ in it)), I shave my belly, and that I pluck the hairs from my breasts and under my nose. DH was fine with it. I wouldn't stress too much over it. He loves you for who you are and not what you are (at least I hope so).

Good Luck!
Lana

[a20th31]

That really helps a lot! Thanks... I know in my heart he loves me for me and will not have a problem... I think i just needed the extra encouragement.

God Bless...

[VivC]

Give him one of the books listed in the Newbie section, or send him to this site to visit the guys' forum. They seem to help each other out as much as we all do.

BTW, I never told DH. I just locked myself in the bathroom for 1.5 hours every day. Finally, when we'd been married for four years, one day I came out of the bathroom and he asked, "So, are you finished plucking yet?" Busted! He'd known for YEARS and just never said anything (I think either my Mom told him or he spied). And he didn't care at all. He couldn't figure out why I'd made such a big deal out of it.

So now I pluck in a nice light-up vanity mirror he bought me, on a nice padded stool. Much more comfortable than straining to see in the bathroom mirror!

[honee34]

Just Tell him. He will understand and he probably already noticed it. When my husband and I first started dating I wouldnt let him touch my face or even stare at me for too long (hehe he thought i was playing hard to get) anyway I finally told him why and he said oh i already saw it before I asked you out and your still the most beautiful woman i know. More than likely your man feels the same way. Trust me when a man truly loves you he'll put up with just about anything lol. Good luck.

[a20th31]

Thank you all sooooo much.

It's so great to have women who understand. And you're right... there is no way he hasn't noticed my dreaded 5 oclock shadow...

May God bless you all with His favor and grace.
a20th31

[fawn]

OT

Does this mean that u tell ur SO about your PCOS?

I have a question regrding hirsutism? What does it look like? Is like a face of a monkey? Lol sorry for that description.

[a20th31]

Fawn, You are funny.

Yes I will tell my SO.
I can't speak for other women experiencing hirsutism because I've only seen 2 other women with excessive hair, my mother and a lady I met at the (hair removal salon :-) )

we all had the same pattern... chin hair, slight mustache, excessive dark back hair (not like a monkey) but thick enough to see.

For me the back hair is easy to get rid of. It's not coarse and the waxing last about 3 weeks... BUT my chin hair is like a man's very coarse and I have to shave 1 - 2 a day or spend ALOT of time tweezing.

Monkeys are cute but I'm no monkey :-) Everyday I remind myself that I am beautiful and when God created me He said that I was good. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

God bless

[Daisy24]

I can't remember when or how I told Alex about my facial hair, but it was early on in our relationship. It was during that time when he was learning about my Epilepsy, PCOS and possible difficulty having children. I kept thinking to myself that one time I'd be telling him something negative about me and he'd say "That's it, I could handle this and that, but this new thing's too much. I'm gone." He (obviously) never said that though. He wasn't really shocked or surprised by any of the things I told him. He immediately reassured me that he still loved me and thought I was beautiful.

I agree that it is a good idea to tell him about all your issues before you get married, and I think it actually makes your relationship stronger. You're vulnerable when you tell him, but you then no longer have to hide it from him. It also helps me on my scruffier days to know that he doesn't care and that he thinks I'm beautiful. I'm still paranoid about it and sometimes hesitant to let him touch my face, but I can reassure myself that he doesn't care.

[fawn]

a20th31 I'm very blessed not to have Hirsutism. Although i have a light mustache (since i was a kid)

About telling ur SO, i believe that ur suppose to. It's a test whether he truly loves you or not.

I have an issue with that. I told me then suitor about it. He totally accepted the way i am. And later we became a couple.

You see, his mom didn't know about it, after seeing him for 6 months, his mom had a feeling that there's somthing wrong with me (he told me his mom's clairvoyant). I don't have any outward side effects of PCOS (only no AF) Yet, she knew!! I totally couldn't accept that explanation.

Anyways, to make the story short, his mom told him that she doesn't see me as his wife in the future (he's still currently studying to be a doctor and will be a while before he gets married and i'll be having a hard time conceiving then). So he borke up with me.

[Hetaera]

with my husband it was a slow slow process...
(he was only my fiance then)
we had sex for months but I wouldnt take my shirt off, I would pull it up but i would never show my shoulders... he never ever pushed me, but he wondered why... our first valentines day, we got a room and had an awesome night ... and once the lights were out I took my shirt off and told him that in the morning he would know what I've been too afriad to show him, and we fell asleep and he woke up and he didnt even care... and its been normal ever since... he even helps me when i miss shaving a spot, or if i have a stray hair somewhere
he thinks im beautiful even when im hairy...
its awesome.
good luck to you and the courage to make it easy on you.

[a20th31]

I have so many responses to everyone.

:-D

Hetaera , My SO and I have not been intimate yet and that has been one of my concerns, we've known each other a long time and recently decided to stop playing heart games and take it to the next level... so your comments are well received. Congrats on the baby to come.

Fawn You are so right... this is a test. He is quite a bit older than I and I truly believe he will be very sensitive and understanding. Sorry about your breakup with the future dr. His mother would have been a thorn in your side though had you stayed together...

Daisy24 You truly are blessed to have such a caring and understanding man... I'm sure I don't have to tell you to hold on to him... Thanks for your encouragement.


God bless you all and good night.

[fawn]

a20th31 I hope i can meet a man and his parents (of course) who will accept the way God has made me

That's what my sister told me...that when we ended up together, i will definitely have a hard time coping with my in-laws if ever.

Right now, i dont feel so bad after all

[a20th31]

Fawn God will send the understanding guy AND FAMILY... just keeping having faith and believing.

I'm starting to see that everyday. :0)