sadly joining this thread

[NYbird]

well... it's official. I'm miscarrying my baby. Last week DH and I went for a 7 week 4 day scan, and there was no fetal pole or hb. I measured 6 weeks 4 days. We had to wait a week for another scan... it was the most painful week of my life. I had hope for yesterday, but instead DH and I were faced with the same picture on the u/s monitor. I was 8 weeks 4 days, measured 7 weeks 4 days and there was still no fetal pole or hb. So we have accepted that our baby has miscarried. All the while, I have had brown spotting and a little bit of cramping. I prayed that it wasn't happening, but I don't think god was listening to me. This is the saddest experience of our lives, as we have tried for so long to conceive and this baby was our little miracle, given how poorly this last cycle went. But I guess it wasn't meant to be. I'm having a d&c on monday. This is such a painful place and I want to move beyond it. I'm just aching all over and want it to stop.

jen xx

[Amy_53405]

I am sooooo sorry for you loss. I know how you feel and how especially heartbreaking it is when you have been waiting for a miracle for so long. Mine was over naturally as I was only 4wks and since it ended a few days ago, I feel like I have some closure and am hopeful to try again. Take as much time as you need, scream, cry, maybe write a letter? I did that and it did help a bit. Again i'm very sorry and hope you as well as me are off this board soon......

[loriette]

Jen~

I am so sorry for your loss. I know there is no words that would make you feel better, so, I am sending you (((hugs))). Just take your time and grieve. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Lori

[SheriKCMO]

Jen,
You sound like so many of us. It is excruciating and unfair to experience this loss, and I am very sad for you. Grief is very difficult, and I agree that it is only worsened by this long journey to conception that many of us have been through. The one big gift that these tiny ones can give us is the knowledge that we can achieve another pregnancy when we are ready. Take the time to remember this baby and to grieve and process these feelings. When you're ready to move forward, you'll know. (((Lots of Hugs)))
Sheri

[CathyWood]

I am sorry about your loss. I know the feeling all to well. We experienced this 11 months ago. Contact me if you wish.

[NYbird]

hi ladies,

I just wanted to say thank your for all of your kind words and hugs--they mean a lot at this time. I am so sorry for each of your losses... I feel like women who have experienced this are the only ones that truly understand how heartbreaking it is. You're my inspiration right now, that I can survive this.

My doctor said that the d&c went smoothly and that he will have a histology done to see if we can learn anything from this sad experience. I've already booked my follow up for the end of october. I'm also going to see a midwife specialist in a couple of weeks. She helps people with PCOS, miscarriage and IVF preparation.

I'm hopeful for the future, but I find myself still crying. One moment I think I am ok and moving on, and then later on I find myself crying. Do these kind of feelings stay with you forever? I want to feel brave and move forward, but I also feel stuck in this sadness. DH has been very quiet throughout all of this... he's been very supportive, but I think he's grieving differently. I tell him that even tho our baby was only with us for 9 weeks, that we are still their mother and father.

Thank you again for all of your love, support and encouragement. I've just got to keep my chin up.

love
jen xx

[SheriKCMO]

Jen,
So much of what you've just written is terribly familiar. Our husbands definitely grieve differently, and quietly. I'm so glad that he's there for you! And we do wonder if it ever gets better. It does. We are never the same person after such an experience, but we can learn to live with our new situation. It takes each person a different amount of time, but the counsellor who leads our support group said that the second year is a lot better than the first. It helped me to know that if I can get through the first year, there might be more reason to go on after that. It's going to be hard to live my life knowing that my poor baby will never get to run in the grass and play and all of the things in life that are joyful. Sometimes my ONLY comfort is in the knowledge that she will never know sadness. She is at peace forever. And being her parents makes us proud, but of course very sad. I just hope that each of us here can find hope in the future that makes our burdens easier to bear. We will probably always cry for our little ones, even if only on the inside, but I hope that we can move forward with other things in our lives (including children, if we can) to help us cope.

[kwannabee]

Hi Jen.

I just wanted to say how sorry i am. There are just no words to really make you feel anybetter, but just know that we're all here for you.

Take care.