I am just so sad. My mom just called to say that my SIL and brother lost their baby. SIL was around 32 weeks. She felt no movement yesterday, had an US today and there was no hb. They belive the umbilical cord may have caused the baby's death.
Now, she is going to be induced to deliver the baby tonight. She and my brother have to tell their 2 other girls (ages 3 and 6) about the loss.
I can't imagine what it will be like for her but I know how said I was to lose my baby at just 12 weeks. I don't see how you get thru something like this but I know a lot of women on this board have.
I also feel so guilty because I was so mean (in my head) about this pregnancy. They didn't want to conceive, used protection even and got pg right when I've been struggling to TTC. I felt so jealous of them, especially after my m/c and now I feel sick about how I could have been so awful....even if it was only in my head.
Now, I can't really even do anything to help make it better.
__________________ dx PCOS a long long time ago
mom to 6yo dd, ttc#2
3 cycles Let, 3 cycles FSH/IUI in 2005-06
m/c 2/8/06
1st IVF cycle bfp 8/29/06
Due Date 5/7/07
My SIL (DH's sister) found out they were pregnant and they were not TTC either. We had also just started TTC as well without meds. I was amazingly jealous and wanted to scream at her everytime she complained about the pregnancy not being at the right time or about the symptoms. She lost the baby at 20 weeks. I felt terrible and horribly guilty like maybe my envy somehow effected her pregnancy (amazing how irrational greif can make you).
Just try to be there for her and support her in her loss. Let her know that you want to help her to greive anyway she needs to.
(((hugs))) to you and your family.
__________________
Married December, 20, 2003
TTC since April 16, 2005
Diagnosed October 5, 2005
Adoption Hopefully in 2007
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Don't beat yourself up. Jealousy is natural. You can't control whether you have it. You can control how you respond to it. You also can't change anything in the past.
Do the best you can to support her now...
I am very sorry for your SIL's loss.
-Tia
__________________
- Miracles and surprises happen everyday.
- Life is what happens when we are busy making plans.
{{HUGES}} to your SIL, my heart goes out to her. i lost to in Oct 0f 03" and my SIL lost in 04 and 05 sad heart goes out to her to. its hard. i no Jealousy's is natural my SIL told me on time ago she was of me. i didn't no what to really said i never new she was and till she told me when my older daughter was born, my heart broke that she fell like that, but she was told she would never have kids. but, months go by and i had found out i was pg with my younger and she had just lost a baby to her my hearth broke for her i no she was happy for us she told me that lots of time but still hurts time will heal. the point is that you and you SIL just my mint get closer i no i did with my SIL i could never ask for a great one. we fight like sister do. i am sorry you feel down hope things get better. i am sorry for your lost too. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY . Good luck in the future Jamie
Your envy had nothing to do with this loss! Please stop beating yourself up. It's natural to be jealous when somebody else has something you want so badly!
I'm very sorry for your family. This is an awful time.
I *sometimes* fleetingly wonder that my anger and jealous made me deserve the miscarriage I am having... but I know that's ridiculous as I was certainly just as jealous and angry the first time around and I went to term.
There is no deserve and don't deserve when it comes to pregnancy and loss - just DUMB LUCK (or lack thereof)
I'm so sorry for your SIL's loss. I think this has been so much easier on me because there never was a baby that developed, just a lunatic egg with big plans. I can't completely empatize with having a loss further along but I am a lot better now at imagining just how awful it must be.
__________________ DS b. 11/16/03 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
DDs b. 3/28/08 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. X2
"We've tried to wash our hands of all of this
We never talk of our lacking relationships
And how we're guilt-stricken, sobbing, with our heads on the floor
We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip..."
- the verve pipe
Last edited by RunnerDuck; 04-07-2006 at 01:55 AM.
I'm so sorry your family has to go through this. I had a baby at 28 weeks, and it was horrible, losing him. I know the rest of my family was really upset too.
I'm getting through by trying to honor Eric's life by changing myself, and trying to be a happier person. I don't know how others deal with it, b/c I haven't seen anyone else lose a baby this far along.
I don't know how close you live to them, or how they'll react, but maybe you could do something for them. Like, get them a tree or rosebush or something.
You could also let her talk about the baby as much as she wants. Sometimes the best thing for me is talk about Eric's pregnancy like it was normal, b/c it makes me feel like he's still my kid, and that I'm still happy I had him. I don't want to treat Eric like his whole life was this huge horrible thing that happened to me. I want to love him still, even though he's not with me.
I hope your family can get through this, and still think about their angel with happiness.
__________________ Molly
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BFP 12/23/08 M/C at appr. 5-8 weeks-nothing on the u/s To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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Thank you so much for all your kind words. It is amazing how irrational grief can be- and I know the jealousy is normal but it still feels so bad.
I was happy that I was able to go and spend the day with her and my brother today at the hospital. She delivered a baby boy early this morning. The umbilical cord had a large knot in it and the baby had moved from head down to foot down and that in the process of turning had knotted the cord. They are heartbroken. But they did get to hold him and have him baptised at the hospital.
It was so hard to see my brother cry- I haven't since we were small children. And to listen while he called to make burial arrangements and talk to their minister. I know just by being there and letting them talk helped (my family is not too good at listening at hard times to hard things).
They are blessed with a big friendship circle, while we were at the hospital friends stopped by to clean their house and bring food.
I know we will all get through this but it just seems so senseless.
__________________ dx PCOS a long long time ago
mom to 6yo dd, ttc#2
3 cycles Let, 3 cycles FSH/IUI in 2005-06
m/c 2/8/06
1st IVF cycle bfp 8/29/06
Due Date 5/7/07
SIL pregnancy loss 
heart goes out to her to. its hard. i no Jealousy's is natural my SIL told me on time ago she was of me. i didn't no what to really said i never new she was and till she told me when my older daughter was born, my heart broke that she fell like that, but she was told she would never have kids. but, months go by and i had found out i was pg with my younger and she had just lost a baby 
