So is anyone doing Foster Care with Option to Adopt?

CathyWood · 07-07-2003, 01:53 AM

I think this is where we will start looking. The others are way expensive. HOW in the world do you ladies do this...with adoption how do you get that kind of money? I am lost..it is soo much to begin with. Not to get you all down but I don't know how we can do it...so this is why i think we are going to check this out. So what do you think? Any advice?

Lisa67 · 07-07-2003, 03:40 AM

Hi Cathy,

If you search this forum you'll find some cysters who have done or are doing foster to adopt. You will need to attend some classes through your state and have a home study too. If you find those posts you'll be able to read more about it and hopefully gain some insight as to whether that's the way you want to go.

Also, look through some past posts and you'll see the ways that many of us are funding our adoptions. There are many ways--part time work, yard sales, equity loans, all sorts of things. There is also the adoption tax credit ($10K) and employee matching that benefit a lot of us. Those funds have to be paid up front, but are rebated in the end. Our saving grace (haha--'saving' is what we've been doing!!) is that all the fees aren't up front and are due in stages. The cost is being spread over a year for us, which is extremely helpful.

Through all of this the money is the last thing I am thinking about!! I just want my little girl home in my arms!! It takes lots of planning, saving, and soul searching.

No matter what option you choose--foster to adopt, international, domestic, whatever.... if adoption is really the way you want to go you'll find a way to get your baby home to you!!

Good luck & happy reading!!

We're here when you need us!!

Lisa

Angelarock · 07-09-2003, 05:28 PM

Strictly speaking cost, adopting through the county is a great way to go. You don't have to be a foster parent to adopt county children, but I would recommend becoming a foster parent first. Kids in the state system have additional challenges that kids from loving homes don't have.

We're adopting three boys ages 7,5 and 2 but I've had them for a year and a half already. I know everything about them, their problems, their histories, their birthfamily, medical history. Those are things you don't usually get unless you're a foster parent. I already know I can handle these guys.

As far as cost goes, it varies by state, but in California the cost of adoption is covered by the state, it is costing me nothing money wise. In fact, since they're a sibling group they're concidered hard to adopt and the state is offering to pay us a certain amount every month toward their upkeep. The idea is that they realize adoptive homes are better for kids than foster homes and they don't want the cost of raising kids to stand in the way of an adoption happening.

It IS harder though on your heart. You have to be prepared to lose a child because there are no guarantees. All in all though, it's a great service to the community, a help in the pocketbook and the chances of being able to adopt are great. I know several foster mothers who have adopted five or more kids through the system.

It is Definetly an option. I love my three boys, I'd do it again in a heartbeat .

Mamakitty · 07-10-2003, 11:14 AM

HI! we are going to be doing this also. we have our classes in the fall. so we haven't begun yet. we plan to foster to adopt. we will probably except legally at risk children in hopes of them going to tpr. we are also going to except sibling groups as we know these are harder to place. we also have the option of deciding not to foster and just be put into the pool of adoptive parents. we were told the wait is long, but when a child comes up for adoption and the foster parents don't wish to adopt, they go to this pool of adoptive families and look for a good match. so we could go either way. but since the foster parents get first choice, we're pretty sure we will try that way first and see what happens. as for money we were told that depending on the child it could be free or upto $2,000 to adopt. and then you have the tax refund for those expenses. so this is definitely the way for us to go as we are still paying of all our ttc bills

. i' glad there are others here to share the foster/adopt trip with!

Mamakitty

DanaJ · 07-24-2003, 10:03 PM

I will try and not share the bitterness but I had to write. Please be very carefull and very prepared to do this. My husband and I have lost our hearts so bad that it will be a long time before we are healed.

Cody, our first, was placed because mom left the hospital without him (he tested positive for several drugs) and dad was in jail. We brought him home from the hospital and never in my life could I have imagined how much I could love a child. We were assured that this would be an "easy" adoption. Never believe anyone when they say "easy" and "adoption" in the same sentance. Cody was given back to dad after he was released from jail. We had him almost five months.

Our second placement was five wonderfull boys 7, 6,5, 3, and 3 (twins). We took a sibling group because we were told that it was usualy "easier" to get an adoption. We had them three months. They went back to their mother and after 17 days we received a call asking if we could take them back. We did and had them for 9 more months. We went to every court date and every review just hoping for termination of birth parents rights. We never received them. They are no longer with us and will probably be in and out of foster care the rest of their lives.

I would have paid all the money in the world to adopt any of these six boys. I love all of them with my whole heart. My husband and I will never be the same. We have all their pictures hanging up in our home and pray from them daily.

I would just caution you to be truely prepared.

MicKen · 07-25-2003, 01:11 AM

A social worker I know told me never to do foster care unless I was absoulutely able to handle giving the child back.

We could never do that.

I have heard people say that international adoption is so expensive, and it is. But...so are cars. I amazes me when people driving a brand new SUV wonder how we could afford an adoption.

What they don't realize, is that going in debt over a car could be just as or more expensive than adoption. And I think we all know what is more important!

Lisa gave excellent options that I won't go over again. It is not easy, but it usually can be done. I was thinking the way you are when we started out.

Now I still have to pinch myself sometimes, and we have been home with our son for almost a year.

Best wishes and God bless.

websissy · 07-25-2003, 02:35 PM

Great suggestions above!

I haven't done this, but wonder if asking family to pitch in with the cost to adopt would be an option?

Fortunately, at our age, with good investments made over the years, we have been able to save enough to cover cost of adoption.

I don't think emotionally we could be foster parents unless we could accept going into it that it is a temporary arrangement.

macrod · 07-25-2003, 08:20 PM

We are the proud foster parents to a beautiful 6 mo. old girl. We have had her for 5 months. The experience that we have had with her is something that we may never experience again. We originally wanted toddlers, but kept getting asked to take newborns so we finally took a baby. We are so in love with her. But I have to leave everything in Gods hands or I will make myself sick with worry. Which is what I did the first couple of weeks. I truly believe that he placed her with us for a reason. Obviously, she needed us and we needed her. But I realize that it may be just for awhile. So I just have to enjoy her while she is here. Basically, you have to have the mindset that the child is going back. Regardless, of the home (or lack off) situation. But know that you are doing something so special for that child. Good luck with your decision.

CathyWood · 07-25-2003, 11:08 PM

We could never ask Family to help pay for the adoption. BUT the idea of raising money somehow would work. My parents don't have enough money and I would not ask my brothers.

We won't be doing any classes till the fall...due to dh being on shift work..so this may take awhile. Plus don't have all the stuff that a baby would need.

rachelmichellek · 07-27-2003, 01:05 AM

Well there are different set-ups in differnt states, and even in different counties. In my county if you sign up to be a Foster parent, you are NOT going to be considered as a potential adoptive parent to the child. It's a different channel/sign-up to go through... if you are looking to *adopt* a child from the foster system you go into it more as a pre-adoptive placement... So you know from the start what your relationship with the child will be, Foster or Pre-Adoptive parents, and you can't "switch" between the two midway (and they can't switch the situation FOR you and surprise you). So for Fostering you know they will eventually be going, pre-adoptive is TECHNICALLY also being a foster home but just in the legal sense, until the adoption is final- the workers aren't looking for anyplace else to put the child except with you.

You just have to know the categories and stipulations of the program you are going through. When we took foster kids in when I was a teenager we knew that only relationship we would have with them was to be the foster family, never the potential adoptive family. So, you'd nurture them and send them on their way, ideally...

Dawn in KS · 07-30-2003, 02:44 PM

Rachelmichellek,

That is the saddest thing I've ever heard!!!

I can't imagine falling in love with a child and not being able to adopt them on the technicality that you were his foster parents first!!!!!

I wonder how many foster parents and foster children have lost their hearts to this insane rule.

I'm thinking of my own DS here . .

Dawn

rachelmichellek · 07-30-2003, 03:01 PM

Well, I can see the guidelines being useful in some sense. Remember, not EVERYONE becomes foster parents with adoption in mind. And this way everyone, including the child would know up front (or at least have a good idea) whether the arrangement is temporary or permanent. If my parents had been looking to adopt at that point, they just should have stated so at the beginning, and would be signed up as pre-adoptive parents, not just plain old foster parents. I do think it's possible to have a child benefit from a temporary placement... Just everyone involved has to go into it knowing all the requirements and details, was my main point, originally.

One tattered Angel · 07-31-2003, 04:36 AM

Everyone is listing options for ways to come up with the money to adopt. We actually did a bake sale and quilt sale at the local shopping mall to raise money. We even did a raffle for queen size quilt. It brought in almost $3,000.oo. and I am from a small town.

I have many stories I could tell you about foster care but I will let you read others stories because mine is tooooooooooo long. What I can tell you is we have had 9 children come into our home that we were told we would be able to adopt. We were really thinking the division was lieing to us. Well our 9th we officially adopted last month. It was a wonderful experience. We got Joshua right after he was born and he is 10 1/2 months right now.We feel incredabley blessed but there is also a bit of pain in the same month he was adopted. We found out that 2 girls we have had for 28 months are now returning home. We are happy they get to return home but a part of us feel like we got kicked in the teeth. In our hearts we feel we need to keep plugging along waiting for more children to come to us that need us as much as we need them but it hurts. There is no way to not hurt unless you did not ever love the children. I wish you the best in your search for making your dreams come true.

Before I forget sometimes peoples churches have programs to help with adoption costs and one time I typed in adoption grants in a search engine and found all kinds of information. I hope this helps. If you ever want to hear more about our foster adopt story email me anytime.

lzimmerman@acsalaska.net

Dawn in KS · 07-31-2003, 12:07 PM

Rachelmichellek,

I see your point. However, when we first became foster parents, we honestly had no intention of adopting. We merely wanted to be there for children on a temporary basis.

Isaiah, our son, changed all of that. I'd have died if the agency said, "Sorry, he's up for adoption now, but since you were only supposed to be his foster parents we are going to send him somewhere else. . ."

Logically though, I understand the concept. I'm just glad that I don't live in your county.

Thanks for the interesting information.