So Close

StormsDreams · 09-09-2006, 02:28 PM

I gave birth to my son Thursday after my cervix started to open and the membranes started coming through.....after two years of trying with medical interventions, 2 IFV's i lost my son because of my cervix.....he was so beautiful and perfect.....and i miss him so much i can baerly get through an hour without thoughts/tears for him. He was only 19 weeks and 4 days...but when i delivered him he was alive and lived for about an hour....I just dont know what i am going to do....nothing seems right, and i feel like i dont want to exist anymore. Everyone keeps saying you can try again you are young, but they don't understand how much we went through to have him, and still want him, i dont want another baby i want the son i lost... I am not mad.....just so deeply sad...scared to try again for fear that my cervix will do the same thing...

HopefulCyster · 09-09-2006, 03:06 PM

I am so sorry for your loss sweetie, I will pray for you. I just can't even imagine, I am so sorry. ***HUGS***

nicole47 · 09-09-2006, 04:28 PM

*hugs*

Take as much time as you need. Losing a child is truly the worst thing that can happen to a person. Reading this again I can't stop crying for your loss. It shouldn't happen to anyone. I'm so so sorry.

If (or when) you decide to try again, I know there are many women on this board who have successfully delivered after IC and can help you through things.

violamarie · 09-09-2006, 05:04 PM

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I know there are no words that can comfort you right now, but we are thinking of and praying for you.

saluki_fan · 09-09-2006, 05:22 PM

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son.

We have had far too many losses on this board due to IC. Just know that you are not alone.

vtmommy · 09-09-2006, 05:42 PM

I am so sorry.

I know that i cannot empathise, but many ladies here can. He is an angel now and watching over you. I hope that you can be strong and get through this. Did you name him?? I am here for you, and so are the rest of the cysters..................

StormsDreams · 09-09-2006, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vtmommy

I am so sorry.

I know that i cannot empathise, but many ladies here can. He is an angel now and watching over you. I hope that you can be strong and get through this. Did you name him?? I am here for you, and so are the rest of the cysters..................

We did name him
Emmanuel: "God is with us"

Thank you everyone....some moments are good, some are not....i hope to draw strength from you ladies and in turn be strong for others....

StormsDreams · 09-09-2006, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicole47

*hugs*

Take as much time as you need. Losing a child is truly the worst thing that can happen to a person. Reading this again I can't stop crying for your loss. It shouldn't happen to anyone. I'm so so sorry.

If (or when) you decide to try again, I know there are many women on this board who have successfully delivered after IC and can help you through things.

Nicole thank you for feeling the pain....i dont want you to worry...you have beautiful baby you need to care for in your womb.....make sure you don't stress....I am taking every moment as it comes....please keep in touch...

siany22 · 09-09-2006, 07:42 PM

im so sorry hugs 2 u hun xx

*~SugarPlums~* · 09-09-2006, 09:28 PM

I am so sorry you are going through this. I to know exactly how you feel, My 4th loss were my twins born at 18 weeks due to my incompetent cervix. It is very hard to even believe intially that it has happened. I know that people say ignorant things, but that is why they say it , because they are ignorant. We want them to acknowledge our Angles , not the fact that we may concieve again. Initially it is hard but it will get a little easier as the time goes bye. You will never forget your baby, but there will come the day when you will be able to set aside your fears enough to embark on this journey once more. Take as much time as you need and don't feel pressured by anyone. You know your body and your heart will not let you down. You will know when you are ready. Again, sorry for your loss.

choirmissy · 09-10-2006, 12:24 AM

I am so sorry for you and your loss. You have every right to cry and to mourn. My son was born early and continues to struggle. I can only imagine what you are going through. I can't give you any advice regarding your cervix, but I only hope that you are able to get through this.

Reebekah · 09-10-2006, 03:13 AM

i am SO SORRY for your loss. the same thing happened to me in Sept 2004, when i lost my twin girls at almost 20 weeks due to "probable ic". no, another baby will NOT replace your son.........but i want you to know that there IS still hope for you. 6 months after my loss, i got pg. again, got a PREVENTATIVE cerclage at 12 weeks, as was able to carry my son to term with some moderate bedrest and the help of a high risk doc. if your doc isnt a perinatologist (maternal fetal medicine/high risk preg. doc) i suggest you have a consultation with one and have everything lined up for when (or if) you try again. i dont understand how so many soulcysters also "happen" to have ic...its so sad. again, i'm so sorry for your loss......please know that it does get a bit easier to handle as time goes on. you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Gnzls924 · 09-10-2006, 08:39 AM

I lost my son at 20 weeks due to IC. I know what you are going through. There is no other word to describe it, other than "heartbreaking." In life, we think about the heartbreak that we experienced with other things in our life. But somehow it all pales in comparison to the loss of child. I believe that when you lose a child, especially before he or she is born, it hurts like nothing else ever did before in your life. My heart just hurts all the time when I think of my son.

I promise that each day will get better....you may take a few steps backwards in order to move forward. Surround yourself with people who will help you during your grief. I leaned very heavily on my husband for support.

At the time I tried to stay away from those that had the attitude of "you can always have another baby." I even had one of my Aunts tell me that maybe now would be a good time to lose some weight...yes....she said that to me...and worst of all, she said it to me in my home following the burial service for my son. I looked at her like she was crazy. I know I must have said something crazy back to her, cause my husband came and ushered me upstairs to the bedroom to lie down.

So basically what I am trying to say is you need to be selfish at this time and worry about you. There are going to be people who just want to PUSH you through the grief process at a faster rate....you take care of you and do things when you are ready.

in the meantime, we are here if you want to chat...always. Please accept my deepest sympathies on the loss of your precious son, Emmanuel.

twinkle317 · 09-10-2006, 02:13 PM

I am so sorry for your loss my hear aches for you. I also suffered a 2nd trimester loss in Dec 05 due to IC/PROM and know how you feel. Not a day goes by that I dont think about my lil girl Amber. My thoughts and prayers are with as you go through this difficult time. (((HUGS)))

EMTJILL · 09-10-2006, 07:13 PM

stormdreams i know how you feel the same exact tthing happened to me my son was born9/7/06 i just feel so lost and empty my baby lived for 3 hours after they told me he would pass as soon as he was delivered