Hello, I don't know if any of you can help me but this is what I am dealing with, I have times where iam ok and others where I am very un happy and don't care about most things.
I wake up all of the time in the middle of the night and just lay there.
I don't want to scrapbook at the time, which is something I usually love to do when I am happy.
I have thoughts of suicide and death.
It seems as my life is useless, and that I am useless that my DH would be better without me.
I would love to cry cry cry but cant. I would go to my scrapbook room wanting to scrapbook but cant so would want to just have a good old' cry but cant just lay my head down and sit there.
I don't really want to eat when I do it taste good but I have lost some weight lately! I think I am much more cranky with the kids at work then I should and want to be.
My home is way way way more messy then I would like I love to clean it and love how it smells and looks when its clean but don't do anything when I get home I just sit down on the couch and turn off the lights or take my bath and go lay in my bed til my DH comes home from work. I have hid all of this til last week now that I told him iam feeling better and what not but know its only temporary. I don't want to be depressed or even think I shouldn't be living. When should I go talk to someone? And if I do, should I wait til iam all upset and depressed again or when I am more OK?
Molly
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Any time you are having thoughts of suicide or death is a major indicator that you need help, and fast.
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I know exactly what you mean and could repeat it almost word for word for myself.
Do find someone to talk to. The fact that you mentioned suicide means you have had it go through your thoughts but you really aren't sure and want help so you won't.
You really have to talk to your dh and tell him how you are feeling. You are a team and it takes teamwork to get along. Not telling him can make him imagine all sorts of things being wrong and can cause a lot of problems. You need his support and hiding your depression from him won't help this. Telling him might open a whole world of difference.
Do find someone to talk to about your inner conflicts though. It really helps me and there are others on the forum that feel the same way. It is always a relief to let everything out and have someone that won't tell you to stop crying or whining about it. They have boxes and boxes of kleenex for when we cry.
If you know you are taking your down times out on the kids at work, maybe you need to take a vacation with DH, even a long weekend and do something different. Sometimes a break from your normal routine can be a real pick up.
The other things I find really help me are walks, which I know you are too blah for right now.
The other one you should be able to do when you are home with the lights off or in bed... listen to some music. Put some that you used to hear in your youth on that you can smile with memories and sing along (loudly cause no one is home). After a few days of enjoying your music, you might find you can make yourself go out for a short walk. then after a while of that, you will be back to wanting your house clean and you will find you have the motivation for it. Clean with your music on!
If you can't make yourself happy with an old hobby, try something new. You have to try to cheer yourself up, not just for you, but for your DH and the people at work. The kids count on you to show them how to behave and what you are describing isn't going to help that. Tell yourself there are too many people that care about you for you to leave in any way.
And come back to SC every day and see how you relax and how many friends you can make. I always feel like i'm coming home when I come here.
HTH
Fuzzy Bear
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Aww it helps to get it off your chest, i agree with fuzzy bear, i have suffered with depression and other mental illnesses over the years, talking to your doctor will help show you the right direction, depression sucks, im with you all the way, when your feeling down come onto the pcos chat and have a chat with us girls there. take care
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What the heck! I thought I WAS doing better! I thought I was ok, but now I just want to scream and cry and just let it all out. I don't even know why I have these thoughts! What do you do when its like this? I am just not dealing I need to get help! Sorry just needed to vent! Thanks for they replys!
Molly
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Molly you need to let someone in. Someone who knows how to handle things or even just DH for support. I had a real rough time when I was a little younger and it turned out no good. It all started with depression but my family was to proud to notice things fast. It was awful and I take medications now to prevent those icky feelings you are descrining. Although I personally have never been an advocate for therapy I know many who have and who have solved many issues and it was like a HUGE weight off their shoulders. Talk to DH and just let him know your not feeling yourself lately and that you most likely will be making an appointment to see someone soon(hopefully). Good Luck and we are here for you!
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Crazy4Joey, please go and seek some help… You will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders if you do and you’ll more than likely find support in people who you won’t expect it from….
I did this yesterday and although I feel kind of empty now I also feel content and I am ready to open up to get the help I need, I was thinking like you are a lot and one little incident yesterday flicked the switched for me and everything came out to people. Trust me it’s the best thing you can do.
So is this depression 
Fuzzy Bear
