So when do you know?

catsnack · 07-01-2008, 01:28 AM

I've been lurking in this forum, trying to convince myself that I don't need to be here one way or another. I'm getting to the point where I'm at a loss with what to do though, so I figured this might be the place to go.

I guess the main question on my mind is when do you know you need to find 'help'? Now, let me say that my situation is by no means dire, and maybe that's part of what annoys me the most. I just feel like I'm being super whiny and weak.

A little background. I'm an only child. When I got married, my mother did not take it well... all sorts of stuff broke loose around that time. She was under a lot of stress and it turned out she had fibroids. Before the wedding she told me "If I knew how hard it was to give you away, I never would have had you at all." I know what she meant, but it's touching and disturbing a the same time That's her general cut and dry approach to things. "Oh, I can't comment on your weight? Then I'll never say anything to you again."

Maybe that's when menopause started kicking in as well. I've been married 7 years and she gets clingier yet more 'moody' every year. I live 1.5 hours away and to hear her tell it, my parents life is complete crap because I don't live next door to them. I've been able to handle the over protectiveness and the smothering usually... but it's just getting to a point where I can't balance it out any more. She taught me to be independent but she wants me to do things her way. I should stand up for myself, but not to her. You get the idea.

A few years ago she did get on anti depressants, which helped a little... but not enough. She's been on and off them and recently pulled a stunt where she went off all her meds cold turkey. (Thyroid and everything.) And proceeded to decline in health until she finally dragged herself to the dr and discovered her thyroid was not functioning at all and she really could have messed herself up. Of course, she didn't give up alcohol or anything while in this self imposed 'detox' and it just made things worse. Now she keeps telling us how close we were to 'losing' her because of that. (The thing she did to herself, and knows better...)

Long story short (too late, I know) a lot of family stuff has been weighing on me. I'd love to move back home eventually but right now my career won't permit it. And I don't want to take the chance of being next door and having her be even worse than she is now. I couldn't do that to my husband.

I just can't seem to shake the blues because all of my relationships seem to be in a lose/lose position right now. As I told my husband, things aren't bad but they're not good. I just can't find any bright spots any more. (This goes for work as well.) (Incidentally, my marriage is probably the best relationship I have right now but I don't want to dump everything on him.)

I don't want to cause drama because I know I'm in a funk. I have to fight some of my knee jerk reactions, but I know it's the right thing to do. This used to happen to me in college during the winters, but generally not too much in the summer. I always said I was 'solar powered'

It's been a good while since I've been this down for this long.

My endo suggested sleeping pills (I never really sleep well. Always been like that.) I would have to go to the GP to get them though. I'm debating if I do, if I should ask about anxiety meds... maybe something short term?

I guess I don't just want pills thrown at me without getting to the root of things. I've seen how things don't work for my mother, and I've seen friends who went on meds and just lost the will to care about anything. I don't want to be (more) numb to the world.

Sorry for all the rambling, this was supposed to be a short one! Thanks.

pal · 07-01-2008, 05:03 AM

My advice: you can't solve your mother's problems! You can only solve your own problems! What if you give therapy a try? (for what's bugging you, not for what's bugging someone else.) Maybe something simple (like light therapy, for example) will help you pull through when things are rough, like at the moment. Asking for outside help when you need it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Pamster · 07-01-2008, 09:29 AM

I don't believe it's so much you "need" help as you could "use" help. Hey - anything that has the potential to make you happier is worth it right? If you talk to a therapist they can't solve your mother's problems but at least they can help you deal with her behaviors that are bugging you and maybe help you sort out your relationships.

Also I don't know if I would suggest medication on a short-term basis -only if you really think you need it. Many anxiety medications are a real pain in the butt to kick.

catsnack · 07-02-2008, 12:45 AM

Yeah, I'd really rather avoid anxiety meds, but maybe a good nights sleep wouldn't hurt once in a while. Our insurance will be switching over soon so we'll see what kind of coverage they have for talky things. Of course, maybe I can kick the funk by then.

Venting always helps as well.

bethanykf · 07-02-2008, 03:01 AM

It sounds like you are more interested in therapy than meds anyway. One thing that you could do if you just wanted meds when you need them instead of having to take a daily thing is ask if there is anything that you can take as needed. There are many clients where I work that will take an ambien or ativan or something like that if they need it.
I usually just take a tylenol PM every so often if I need sleep. You may want to do some research about mental health resources in your area. A lot of places have numbers that you can call just to vent... but of course there are also free places online to vent. (like here

)

catsnack · 07-03-2008, 01:42 AM

I do take Tylenol PM once in a while when it's really bad, but I have to be sure to take it before 10 pm and only 1 pill on a week night or else I'm totally groggy the next day.

My endo was having kittens about taking OTC night time stuff because it's all basically benedryl, that's why she suggested the prescription meds. Which, of course, she couldn't prescribe.

I'm hoping some good ol' fashioned venting and relaxing over the holiday weekend will at least help take the edge off things.

Thanks!

maryandsilviu · 07-09-2008, 10:16 PM

I also think you're living my life. My mom sounds very similar to your mom and I think I feel pretty close to what you're feeling.

Vent away and if you need to talk to someone go do it. I've been thinking about it too and once I get squared away with a new ob/gyn I might look into seeing a therapist.

The funny thing is I have a degree in psych just never got my masters.

Good luck with whatever you decide and know that we're here for you.

catsnack · 07-09-2008, 10:29 PM

I love your little image... haha.

Yeah, things have mellowed a bit at least. If I can make it past my birthday towards the end of the month I think things will ease up. This is the big 3-0 and it's been nothing but grief from all my so-called friends and family. I just want to crawl under a rock until it's over.

PuppyLove · 07-10-2008, 03:32 AM

Aww, I feel for you hun. Your Mum really isn't helping things at all! As for her stopping her thyroid med and anti deps ~ eek!! That is SO dangerous, she could've had a heart attack or something (my mum is an overactive thyroid so I know how dangerous it can be).

I definitely wouldn't be moving back near your Mum until you've established some boundaries. But for now, you need to focus on YOU. I would highly recommend getting some counselling, venting is great, but even better to a counsellor who can help you with coping mechanisms etc.

Keep coming here and venting too, hope things are better for you soon.

(((hugs))))
Louise