Mazarin

I am posting this from another forum where I posted it a few days ago....

I took time out from work last year but I went back too soon and a couple of months later I was off again. A circle that seems to go on for so long, I eventually went back in May lasted 6 weeks and I’ve been off work now for 18 weeks! It’s been a long 18 weeks!

Back in June this year a scary part of me came very close to committing suicide because I was so ill. I found very little support from some people who called me there best friend and so I ended friendships. On a plus point I also found some positive support in the form of emails from people who I knew here at this forum (this mean another forum I use not SC)

Sounds stupid but there was only one thing that stopped me from committing suicide and that was my dog Alfie because I was worried about where he would end up!

I never thought I could go so low that I wrote letters to family and stockpiled drugs in the hope it would give me a way out to a life I didn’t like. I refused to go into hospital and for some weeks I was visited at home by someone from the community mental health team until I was over the worse of it. I was also very good at hiding how I felt so to others I looked well when underneath I was crumbling! This was a pattern I developed for sometime and it was only in May / June this year when I knew I could not continue living this life.

18 weeks on and I am doing really well! I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a couple of weeks ago and I have chosen to control it drug free and am in my 4th week of seeing a Psychologist which has almost turned my life around!

I come to realise that there was only me that could control this condition and that I didn’t want to spend a life on drugs like Lithium to control my mood swings and so using CBT was a positive start for me!

I’ve even set a date to return back to work next month and I am actually looking forward to getting back into my job again!

By far I am better than I was, I still have sometime to go and being bipolar is something I shall live with forever but at least I can control how I feel and use CBT techniques to monitor my moods.

Of course I am not longer seeing a Psychologist, although those intial appointments did me the world of good I felt I had the strength to go it alone.

Just to say that no matter how bad things are you can get better, I know for some it might not seem that easy and I know myself I have a long way to go but for me this lowest point in my life was the turnaround I really needed.

Big hugs to everyone out there that is feeling blue and depressed.... my thoughs are with you all