Starting all over again!

ChasingRainbows · 11-07-2009, 01:16 AM

It has been a while since I was here...and tonight I was drawn back to the site that has been such a source of support in the past. I think I stepped away when I had Andrew because I wanted to pretend I was not infertile and didn't have PCOS :?

We begin again. We have been talking about ttc for a year. I have been tracking my cycles for the past year, and trying half heartedly... not really feeling rushed as Andrew turns 2 in December. Well DH was informed that his IF coverage is going from being 100% covered to zero, zilch, nada as of Jan 1st
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So in the past week we decided to go back to our IF clinic and try to fit two cycles in before the end of the year. I am about to start my cycle any day now.

It turns out DH's parents came into town unexpectedly and they don't know we are ttc again. They are kind people but don't know anything about IF issues, we just don't go there with them. So I ended up going alone to the consult, and I had totally forgotten how overwhelming it is to walk out of the office with a stack of tests to run, for both of us, and since Day 1 could be as early as tomorrow... they all need to be run fast!

I felt completely overwhelmed. I had to return home and act as if nothing was going on. My ILs and I don't exactly get along wonderfully so I was trying to hold it together, but the gravity of starting again has really hit me.

I think what makes it more, is I didn't realize until I was in with the nurse that the DR is going to use injectables the next two cycles while we are fully covered. A trigger shot I could handle but I have to

get all my blood work
have another HSG
a MRI for a pituitary issue followup
Day 3 ultra-sound
and start injectables in the next week most likely
AND
convince DH that the SA is not all that bad and he has to get it done this week!

In 7 days, the next 7 days! What a whirlwind! So many of you all here are doing this already, but I really didn't think I would be so nervous, and a little scared this time though. I thought I would be a veteran about it. Instead I am a mess tonight. DH's response was "You don't HAVE to do it" ... well yes I do if I want to grow my family. Unfortunately a drunken night of love is not going to do it for us! I feel alone for this moment in time. Tomorrow will be better, and I will put one foot in front of the other. One step close to my baby #2.

God love him, DH also admitted if he had to do it all we would probably not do it. He appreciates how far I am willing to go... but he doesn't really understand. I just want someone to say. "It WILL be ok" I just need reassurance. oye!

Thanks for listening if you are still reading this long windy post!

ChristinaLee · 11-07-2009, 01:36 AM

Good luck!! That is alot to do in 7 days but you can do it
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baby dust!!!

Jandtsmommy · 11-07-2009, 01:59 AM

You Can Do It!!
I know what you mean about thinking it would be easy after already going though it.
i am having a really hard time myself this time. Things will work out.
*baby dust*

worthit · 11-07-2009, 12:14 PM

Not to make it all about money, but do it while you have insurance. If you don't, you will probably put it off inevitably. I would do ugly things to have 100% IF coverage! We have 0% and it has put a huge damper on us financially. It will be a crazy 7 days, but buckle up and DO IT!!
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You will never even think about this doubt again if you it results in another baby for your family. Keep the end goal in mind, you CAN do it!!!

worthit · 11-07-2009, 12:15 PM

And come back here when you're 3 or 4 days into it (or every day), this place is amazing!!

ChasingRainbows · 11-07-2009, 07:24 PM

This place IS amazing! I am such a healthier person for finding this site!

I think AF will be here tomorrow. I saw some pink tinge. So let the races begin. I think I worked through major emotions last night, as I cried a while (needed a good cry) and woke up this morning FOCUSED! I am going to be ok. I have a local mom's group that have all offered to watch Andrew for ANYTHING I need. I have SC as awesome support and a very awesome RE. I love him, the nurses, and I am going to focus on makin' a baby.

We are moving so fast because we DO WANT to take advantage of coverage. If things don't happen in the time between now and Jan 1 I have a feeling it will go very slowly from there. We are just not made of money...

Thanks again ladies!

WifeyC · 11-07-2009, 10:08 PM

Chasing Rainbows, do it all while you can. I have 100% coverage and I'm so blessed to have it. I can't imagine trying to do all these things without it. I've been TTC for over two years and seeing the RE since June. By choice, I did 4 Clomid cycles with the RE, all with trigger, 3 with IUI. That made it a total of 8 Clomid cycles for me. I took a resting cycle on bcp to get rid of a cyst and now I'm on my first cycle of injectables. It isn't too bad. I not only have PCOS, but possible diminished ovarian reserve. So even though I am 30, there is a big rush on getting me to conceive without IVF. So I'm on heavy duty injectables, but not super high doses of them. We'll see what it brings. I just wanted to assure you that it isn't all that bad. Most likely, they'll have you do Follistim, which doesn't hurt at all. It's pain-free and simple. I stick all my injects in my thigh.

Take it all in stride. As a PCOS woman and an infertile, you know how emotional things can be. Imagine the emotional aspect for the infertile without insurance coverage. So just keep that in mind and remember what the prize is at the end of the race.

ChasingRainbows · 11-08-2009, 11:11 PM

Thanks Heather!

So AF showed today, and tomorrow will be day 1!!! I am already counting the days to see if we might be able to fit two cycles in before our coverage drops.

I have my to do list made and I am going to schedule everything tomorrow. I am ready for this. I spent the day completely relaxing with DH. My sister came and watched DS so we could spend some quality time before everything gets crazy. Once the diagnostics are over I think it will be easier.

I am praying for an injectable that doesn't hurt! I will do what I have to though!

WifeyC · 11-08-2009, 11:34 PM

The injectables aren't too bad. I do Follistim and Menopur. The Menopur isn't very fun, burns a little, but it could be a lot worse.