Starting to lose sight of what this is all about...

MrsC2008 · 08-28-2009, 02:03 PM

So we have been TTC for over a year. I know there are many people who have been trying for much longer, I am not complaining about the time frame.

With all these tests and doctors appointments I feel like sometimes I am forgetting that this is about bringing a child into our lives. I feel like the goal is just to get pregnant. In reality, obviously, that is only the beginning. I feel like sometimes I am losing site of that.

Am I the only one who feels like this?

MaraJ2005 · 08-28-2009, 02:07 PM

I agree. It's made so clinical by all the tests, shots, etc. But, I also tried NOT to imagine the actual baby because it was just too painful. I saved that for after my BFP (well, actually after the 1st ultrasound). I wish you all the best! Hang in there.

Cuppycake · 08-28-2009, 02:09 PM

I think it's pretty normal, or at least it has been for me, to sometimes get wrapped up in all the work it's taking, especially if your thoughts look like mine tend to (something like, "To do list for today: obsess about ttc, dr. appt, poas, obsess, eat, obsess, obsess, obsess, shower, obsess, obsess, eat, obsess, obsess sleep. Repeat tomorrow.")

But you are right, it's about so much more, but when you're struggling it's hard to focus on that. Just know that you are never alone, and that you'd have to be having some very whack thoughts to be the first one that's every thought them ;-)

Jessl99 · 08-28-2009, 02:16 PM

Cuppycake: Well said! Your daily schedule sounds a whole lot like mine. I think it is easier to not focus on the bigger picture sometimes. It makes it more painful and makes me more impatient so I try to not actually even think about actual baby things (announcing, nursery's, etc.). Sometimes the details are easier to swallow. Hang in there...this can be done!

rynngo · 08-28-2009, 03:00 PM

I've been feeling like that too. although more recently I've been hearing my bio clock TICK TICK TICKING. It's been sounding like a really big boom lately. And I have been fearing that my nieces and nephews will be getting married and have their kids long before I have any of my own. But I am looking forward to 2 new drs appts coming up within the next 10 days where I am looking into IVM.

I do know how you feel though. Just plugging away at your job, going home to an "empty" house, not that a DH and cats are not someone, but seeing someone run up to you and hug you because you are theirs and they are yours is just soooo different. It makes the everyday little things just a little more empty when you don't have your child.

not to mention the waiting is driving me nuts! LOL!

toetoe · 08-28-2009, 03:09 PM

I know how you feel and I just wanted to say no matter how long you've been ttc if it's a 1 year or 10... you have the right to feel how you are feeling yes there are other people that have been ttc longer but no matter what the time frame it doesn't make this journey any easier.

Sometime I lose sight of what this is all about too you are not along. Good Luck in your Journey however long or short!

winddrop · 08-28-2009, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rynngo
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And I have been fearing that my nieces and nephews will be getting married and have their kids long before I have any of my own. But I am looking forward to 2 new drs appts coming up within the next 10 days where I am looking into IVM.

I'm so right there with you! My oldest nephew is 19 and the next is 15; more concerned with the 15 year old with a girlfriend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rynngo
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but seeing someone run up to you and hug you because you are theirs and they are yours is just soooo different. It makes the everyday little things just a little more empty when you don't have your child.

Ah you brought a tears to my eyes. Very beautifully put! It was more touching the third time I read it. ;-)

Putting the obsessing about temperatures, pills, ovulating, doctors appointments, bding at the right time. One thing I do to keep everything in perspective is I will let myself day dream every now and then. Sometimes it's about telling parents I'm pregnant. Sometimes it's about dressing our newborn. Or the closeness of breastfeeding. Or decorating the nursery. Or hearing her laugh. (our first child is a girl in my day dreams :-) I never let it go on so long that I get down that she isn't here yet. And I know one day I will be a mom if not "grown under my heart, then in it."

KitKat77 · 08-28-2009, 04:31 PM

I absolutely felt the same way, I was actually considering taking a long term break and reconsidering our goals when we decided to try one more cycle before the break in July. Well I ended up getting pregnant, only to miscarry a week or so later. While I am absolutley heart broken I keep reminding myself of how wonderful it was seeing that test come up positive. In a strange way my miscarriage has given me the strength to continue ttc. The positive test gave me perspective and I realized that all of this hard work is absolutely worth it. I wish my pregnancy had turned out differently, but now that I have had a taste of what it will feel like when we finally get a baby I know we have to keep trying.

I hope that helps you a little bit, it is hard to keep perspective in the midst of feeling like a science experiment, just try to remember what your goal was at the start of this.

MrsC2008 · 08-28-2009, 09:23 PM

You ladies are seriously amazing. Thank you.

WifeyC · 08-28-2009, 11:40 PM

I think it can be so easy to lose focus of the living, breathing, perfect child we all seek to have at the end of this journey. We instead get into the routine of getting follicle scans, blood work, P4s, IUIs, the list goes on and on...It ccan be easy to make that the focus, the goal is to get pregnant. But the bigger picture, of course, is WHY we want to be pregnant. We all want to opportunity for someone to tuck in at night, someone to look up to us, someone to depend on our "boo-boo kisses," someone to call us "Mom," and someone to love us despite our faults as a parent. That is the end product. Never feel bad about losing the whole focus, since being pregnant is the most important part of the equation.