Still not pregnant

heatherdobson · 02-19-2003, 11:25 PM

I was diagnosed with PCOS last June, went through laproscopic surgery in July to "clean out" my endometriosis and ovarian cysts. Since August, I've been taking 1000 mg of Glucophage a day. At first, my cycles evened out to the normal 28 days. A first! I was ovulating at about day 18 or 19. Didn't get pregnant. Since December, though, I haven't ovulated at all. I have my period at day 28, live with low levels of estrogen until about day 18 when I hit high levels, until day 28, then it starts all over again. No ovulation.

I just found out today that a good friend of mine is pregnant after being off her birth control for less than a month. My cousin and his wife had their first child yesterday and I have several other friends that are pregnant as well. Life seems to be starting in every woman around me and I feel like such a failure and all I want to do is crawl into a hole and not come out. I'm so depressed. I see my doctor again on March 11th and I'm so afraid that he's going to tell me that the lack of ovulation is early menopause or something else.

I took Zoloft for a year back in 1998-1999 (my father passed away and I had serious depression) and I've done so well since then, without it. I don't want to admit defeat and have to go back on it. I just can't seem to shake this. I am my own worst critic and it is so frustrating to not be able to do something that I was made to do! I'm trying to be happy for these people but instead I'm sad, frustrated, and angry.

Heather D.

santa'sbaby · 02-19-2003, 11:57 PM

It does not make you a bad person to feel this way. Life has handed you a hard knock having PCOS and you are handling it the best way you know how.

I have a younger brother who has always done well in his life and is the family favorite. Well 1 1l2 ago he got married and it was a big deal. Then there was me, just started dating my DF and rebuilding my life after a nervous breakdown. I was known as the child that had no real stable life. So here we are 1 1/2 years later and I am gettiing married andready to have my moment in the sun. Well back in early December of last year, my SIL in law (who was a bridesmaid) announces that she is pregnat and cannot be in my wedding. Well there went the focus of me, and knowing that it possible that I cannot have children. I was angry. Don't get me wrong I will love my niece or nephew. Yet the ever present failure feeling washed over me again.

I know it is hard to stay focused and I pray that it will happen for you. Go back on the pills and do what you have to do to get through this. Use this site as a support system and remeber that this will pass.

Talk to you soon!
April

heatherdobson · 02-20-2003, 08:53 PM

April,
Thanks for your words.

I feel much better today. AF started and some of my bad feelings could be chalked-up to PMS. But, I'm still going to consider going back to my psychologist and try talking to her, without the Zoloft. I would like to give that a try for while. I spoke to the friend who is newly pregnant and invited her and her husband over for dinner Sunday night. I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve so this will be a test of whether I can handle this. I'm forcing it on myself because I need to be able to function and not be curled up in a ball in the corner!

I've been reading the posts on this forum and knowing that others are also knee-deep in this thing is helping. I hate PCOS and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and wish that no one else had to go through this, but it is helpful to know that I'm not crazy and that I'm not alone. Thanks again!