Struggling with my faith

plsbme · 09-21-2005, 03:39 PM

Hi. A little background about me. I was raised Protestant (United Church of Christ), I went to Sunday school as a child and made my confirmation. However we were never a big church going family. I go occassionally, but not nearly as much as I should (a little more than just the holidays). Since dh and I started struggling with ttc I have turned to my faith a little more. However, I feel so confused. I know that God has a reason for everything, and I will get pg in his time. But I am having difficulty dealing with the emotional issues and staying strong through this process. What is bothering me is that I am questioning God-if it is not my time to have a child then why don't have the strength to get through everyday without having some sort of breakdown? Why don't I have the strength to be happy for the pregnant people in my life?

The bottom line is these things are bothering me, but the most important thing that is bothering me is that I am questioning God.

Anyone else struggling with a similar issue?

DiamondInTheRough · 09-22-2005, 12:22 AM

Well, I know what it is like to have your faith shaken. I think we've all been there at some point in our lives. Infertility stinks. I don't think there's anything wrong with questioning God per se...but it's all in how you do it. I think rather then asking why you don't have the strength to get through your days, you might try to put it in a prayer, asking God to instill this strength in you. I realize the thought of prayer may not be appealing to you, given your current state - yet I would suggest baby steps.

You know, there is also a harsh reality to all of this. Some of us will not be mothers. God made some people barron, and some with the ability to conceive. I think the power of prayer is great, but the power of a rational and logical mind is, too. I end most of my prayers and supplications stating aloud that although we plan, God is the Best of Planners, and I accept what He has decreed for me, and ask that He give me the peace of mind to understand.

I wish you the best of what God has planned for you, and I hope there's a baby or two or more in your path

Best Wishes

Beckee · 09-22-2005, 01:02 AM

You know what? I HAVE SO BEEN THERE!!! (And likely will again) I question God regularly, but I think the key is, is that I question HIM. I don't look elsewhere for answers because really, I know He is the One in control, and truly, only He has answers, and if He is as powerful as He says He is (and I know He is!) Then why am I not pregnant?!? (As of now, I am, but it has taken two more years with no reason for it!) I finally gave my fertility to Him, because I know deep down He has always been faithful, even when it doesn't feel like it. And then, of course, I became pg. The truth is, He knows our hearts desires, and He longs to fulfill them, but He is a jealous God, and wants us to love Him first and to surrender our lives to Him for His perfect control. It is SEVERELY frustrating sometimes when you are wanting it so bad, and He gave you the desire in the first place. There are really no easy answers. I have ranted and raved, and in the end came out trusting that He knows best even if I don't have all the answers. In the end it comes out to trusting that He knows best, no matter what that means, and surrendering all your hopes and dreams to Him. It doesn't happen overnight
(It took me two years) and He doesn't always answer the way we want, but we really don't want to be out of His will or timing, since we know that He deeply loves us and knows best. (I know, spoken from someone who already has one child and is pg), truly, though, we all have hurts and issues, and God longs to heal. Keep taking this issue to Him, and you know what? Even though I don't know you personally, He does, and I truly believe that He has a child for you. He gave you this desire. Give it back to Him. Chances are, He has always been faithful in your life as He has mine, and that He has WONDERFUL plans for you (Jeremiah 29:11) He also longs to give you good gifts. (Luke 11:13) He understands when you get angry, and cries with you, because He sees your pain even though He holds out, seeing the bigger picture. Keep sharing your feelings with Him, even if it is "losing your faith" Chin up, sweetheart. The bad is temporary, Good gifts are on their way. I will be praying for you, that He would confirm His love and good plans for you this week. (He loves to do that)

beckee

ps. Sorry that I repeat myself so much!!

MiWolverineMommie · 09-22-2005, 01:57 AM

It is so hard to be TTC and dealing with your faith. I was pretty distant with my church while we were TTC. (3 years) It is a tough issue and to accept. "All things in God's time." I am not a patient person. I actually had given up on ever getting pregnant, moved from TN to MI and got ready to go back to college. However I got pregnant the weekend we moved. Fate. I don't have the "right" answer for you. Just follow your heart. God knows what is best. I think it is ok to have doubts.

Jashobeam · 09-22-2005, 04:30 PM

Job went through a lot of trials. Job complained, mourned and questioned why everything happened to him but God said of him:

Job 1:22 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.

Job 6
8 "Oh, that I might have my request,
that God would grant what I hope for, . .

11 "What strength do I have, that I should still hope?
What prospects, that I should be patient?

12 Do I have the strength of stone?
Is my flesh bronze?

13 Do I have any power to help myself,
now that success has been driven from me?

Even with all his questions, God blessed him. God doesn't expect us to never question why God did something. He knows we don't know all His reasons.

Isaiah 55: 9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

CelticSpirit · 09-22-2005, 05:28 PM

I think that Diamond summed up everything perfectly that I was thinking when reading your post.

TTC when dealing with infertility and seeing pregnant women and small babies everywhere is as painful as possible. I know that when I was there, I was in agony. I know that I had my breakdowns as well. I was fortunate in that my wish for a child was granted, but I know some who weren't so lucky.

I wish that I had some great words of wisdom for you, but I don't. All I can say is that God has a very special plan for you and it's a matter of HIS timing not ours. HE will reveal His plan in good time. All we can do is wait and see.

Please know that my prayers are with you. I know that the most painful things in my life brought me closer and closer to my faith. I pray for you that you find the same comfort in your faith that I have found in mine.