Gals,
I think I'm going to stop attending my support group on any regular basis. I thought that there would be some kind of moment when I knew I felt better and didn't need to go anymore. That moment is never coming. Instead I just feel weird. Everyone else other than the volunteers and counsellor is in fresh grief. I feel silly to still want to go and be around other grieving parents. There are two annual rememberance events that I won't miss, but I just feel strange being around people who lost their babies only weeks ago when my loss(es) are nearly two years ago. *sigh* No ah-ha moment, more of a sad realization. What would you do?
Thanks,
Sheri
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
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Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Hmm, not sure personally. I've never been part of a support group of that nature. However, if you feel it isn't helping you, after you've given it a fair shot, I wouldn't feel bad about leaving. But you shouldn't feel since your loss is "older" then the others that you don't belong there. Loss is loss, it hurts just as much today as it did yesterday.
Maybe you could consider starting a different type of support group, maybe for Mom's who are beyond the initial stage of grieving, but just need a sounding board for remembering their little ones...? Or maybe you are ready to be without a group altogether?
Best of luck in whatever you decide to do.
__________________
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
-Albert Einstein
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Sheri, I'm sorry that it has come to that for you. At my support group, we have women there who have been coming for years. The facilitator lost her baby girl 15 years ago, so there is a whole range of women there... some who say they plan to go forever. The ones who have been there longer often have a lot of words of wisdom for those whose losses are still "fresh." Comparatively, my loss is still pretty fresh for the group.
I'm not saying this to brag, but I'm just thinking that maybe your example will keep some women from dropping out for the same reason? Is there any way to encourage more women to keep coming for longer?
If it isn't helping you anymore, by all means... you should leave. BUT if it still helps, I think it would be a good idea to keep going... maybe more women will follow your example and there will be more of a range of people there?
Those are just my rambling thoughts on the matter. Follow your own heart
Hugs,
Adrianne
__________________ Adrianne 31, DH 44 - married 6/01 - 2 DSDs (13 & 15)
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Maybe that moment of feeling better just hasn't come yet. Just because your losses were almost 2 years ago doesn't mean that the pain is gone. You shouldn't feel silly wanting to be around grieving parents. They are the only ones who really know what you are dealing with. If you want to stop b/c you don't think it is helping at all, go ahead and stop- that's okay. But if you want to stop just because you feel silly or like other people think you should have gotten over it by now, my advice is to keep going. Don't stop until you are ready to stop.
I delivered a beautiful baby boy four months ago, but still mourn the baby that I lost last year. My son is my world, but having him didn't lessen my pain of losing my first baby. My angel will always be with me, and part of me will always be missing. I still visit the pregnancy loss boards, b/c I still need the support from women who know what I'm going through.
Sheri, if you feel weird about going, maybe it is time to stop going. Here's another thought: maybe you can tell the facilitators how you feel and offer your time as a "speaker" if needed. Or perhaps you can also volunteer there and help out with the group instead of being one of the attendees.
Just follow what your heart and gut are telling you to do. They're usually very right in leading us to feeling better about things. ((hugs))
Whatever you do, though, please don't abandon us on this forum!! Or I may have to hunt you down. LOL! Just kidding. Hope you feel better, though.
__________________ enits
Noelle - my little baby, was only with us for 17 weeks and 5 days, February 7, 2005
2nd loss - my little angel, could only stay with us for a little while, 8 weeks, August 3, 2005
Hoping to remain positive, always...
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I have no idea... just wanted to give you a ((hug)).
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Jules (34) Harrison (35)
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Sheri, I'm sorry you're feeling like you don't quite belong (I know that feeling all too well). I think that having you there may help some of the other parents see that they WILL be "okay" (whatever that means) one day. That's one of the reasons I think you're perfect as the mod here.
I agree that you shouldn't stop going just because you think you should be "over it" by now - your grief's just entered a different stage. That example would help me, as it probably would others in the group.
If you honestly don't think you can learn anything else, or if you think that you don't need their support anymore, then by all means, drop out of the group.
And PLEASE don't leave us!
__________________ Dominici was born May 2006!
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Sheri, have you considered getting involved as moore than an attendee? You are so amazing at helping others through their grief. I also second the advice to try getting a later grief or a parents after loss group going. I never went to an in person group you know but I'm not at all ready to totally move on, I find myself seeking out others who have been struggling with grief issues too and actually was thinking of finally going for some counseling. I think its normal to still need support but maybe this has ceased to be the place for it for you?
Aviva
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i agree with the others, you are such an inspiration and so caring here, you would be a wonderful group leader. everyone respects a leader that has trodden their path. whatever you choose, let it be best for you, and know we support you always
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who knew your heart could break and you could still breathe
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Support Group Issues 
