Surrogacy?

chantelley · 04-22-2008, 07:49 PM

Thought this may be the best place to ask as i know its different over here to the us.

Does anyone know any agencies or anything here?

I read an amazing story in a magazine not long ago and its been something iv been thinking about ever since.

A lady who had her own family who suffered from pcos like us, and she became a surrogate 5 times, and i just found it so inspirational, and i figure im not trying to get pregnant, and id love to be able to help someone.

Are there any specifications, health or otherwise that would prevent me?

My family may find it a bit odd but i know they would support me no matter what.

Thanks in advance ladies

PollySis · 04-22-2008, 08:55 PM

Not sure. There was some kerfuffle about it a few years back, think there's some problem with its legality - is legal but money mustn't change hands but then they can get round that by calling it 'expenses' or something? Maybe someone here knows more.

Chantelly first thing I'd say is - have you got your own kids already? If you have, fair play to you but if you haven't you can't know the emotional tie you have to that baby inside you, quite apart from the sheer trauma of labour and delivery etc. To then hand a baby over - I'd say if you have had a child you may know the strength of that so be able to judge whether or not you could do it. But if you have never had a baby - trust me a first pregnancy carried through for a stranger (or even a friend) wouldn't be the place to start.

If you're talking a first labour they average around 16 hours. On the last antenatal ward I was (not far from you by the look of it), they literally had them crawling up the walls in the corridors with the pain before they'd ship them down to delivery and any real pain relief. Then the usual stuff most women with first labours get stitches etc. Without anaesthetic with my first labour. And that's the most minor complication a first time mum can get.

My closest friend is a lesbian and she and her partner of 20 odd years would love a baby and be great parents, utterly the best ever - my kids worship them, they are so fantastic - and I know my friends have wondered about adoption or other routes to having a child. And although I love her like a sister, I have thought about it and honestly know I couldn't go through that horrendous experience (and I labour fast!), emotionally or physically, even for someone I love as much as my best friend. So given the circs, it's something that's crossed my mind - although she's never asked me and never would ask me.

Doing all that for a stranger just to make them feel like they're a parent. No. Sorry. Tough. They'd have to go without, because a week down the line I'd be hammering on their door wanting my baby back.

Other folk may have different views but there's mine.

If you want to be altruistic, there's a million ways to do it without risking your own physical and mental health. I think these days a lot of people think they have a 'right' to a child and not adopt or foster a kid who desperately needs it but a cute little newborn baby. As if they're buying a puppy or something. So I'd really worry about the mental health of anyone who wanted to do it, too. And how would the child feel when it's no longer a cute little newborn but a real walking talking thinking person? You have no control over the family or how they might screw up YOUR child's head that's already going to be affected by the fact its mother didn't want to keep it. (And that's how kids see things black and white). My advice as you can tell is - don't even go there, cyster!

chantelley · 04-22-2008, 09:06 PM

No i dont have kids of my own, i intend to one day but as yet - no.

You do make a lot of sense on a lot of those points. Its just soemthing iv been thinking a lot about, but like you say without having my own child it would be hard to say how i would react.

Thanks for replying x

jnswd · 04-22-2008, 11:51 PM

I know someone who has been a surrogate and did mainly for money - she has 6 kids and it was the best way she could find to be a SAHM. It worked out pretty well for her, but there were a few complications that were challenging while being a mom to her own kids. I don't know that she would do it again. I know agencies make you go through a lot of counseling before becoming a surrogate. I'm not sure what health issues are ok and what are not. It is a very giving thing to do though.

O Canada · 04-23-2008, 02:05 PM

A nurse at my local clinic has done it twice, and says she'd jump at the chance to do it again. She has two children of her own and loves being pregnant.

That said she says that her family (who is quite religious) don't agree with it, and it does cause problems there.

I asked her if she had a difficult time after having the babies, and she said that she didn't because she knew that the babies belonged to someone else.

Personally, I don't know that I could do it. She is a truly inspirational woman, but I don't know if I could manage the emotional side of things.

PollySis · 04-23-2008, 07:58 PM

And talking of being a surrogate mum if you already have kids - isn't that irresponsible, to be messing with your existing kids' heads like that? Won't it make them think that you might give them away one day? Won't it make them spend their lives wondering about their sibling where they are, whether they're happy, and why you didn;t want to keep them? The concepts you're talking about would be hard for many young children to understand (let alone an ar5y teenager who years later, would throw it in your face every chance they got!)

So it has ramifications for others, too.

04-22-2008, 07:49 PM	#1 (permalink)
chantelley guitar hero loving cyster Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Hull UK Posts: 219 My Mood: Points: 64.33 Bank: 28,658.36 Total Points: 28,722.69 Donate	Surrogacy? Thought this may be the best place to ask as i know its different over here to the us. Does anyone know any agencies or anything here? I read an amazing story in a magazine not long ago and its been something iv been thinking about ever since. A lady who had her own family who suffered from pcos like us, and she became a surrogate 5 times, and i just found it so inspirational, and i figure im not trying to get pregnant, and id love to be able to help someone. Are there any specifications, health or otherwise that would prevent me? My family may find it a bit odd but i know they would support me no matter what. Thanks in advance ladies __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Have a look at my cakes and let me know what you think and leave a comment To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. thank ya kindly

04-22-2008, 08:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
PollySis Cheerful Radiohead fan Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: England Posts: 1,161 My Mood: Points: 19,767.87 Bank: 163.16 Total Points: 19,931.03 Donate	Not sure. There was some kerfuffle about it a few years back, think there's some problem with its legality - is legal but money mustn't change hands but then they can get round that by calling it 'expenses' or something? Maybe someone here knows more. Chantelly first thing I'd say is - have you got your own kids already? If you have, fair play to you but if you haven't you can't know the emotional tie you have to that baby inside you, quite apart from the sheer trauma of labour and delivery etc. To then hand a baby over - I'd say if you have had a child you may know the strength of that so be able to judge whether or not you could do it. But if you have never had a baby - trust me a first pregnancy carried through for a stranger (or even a friend) wouldn't be the place to start. If you're talking a first labour they average around 16 hours. On the last antenatal ward I was (not far from you by the look of it), they literally had them crawling up the walls in the corridors with the pain before they'd ship them down to delivery and any real pain relief. Then the usual stuff most women with first labours get stitches etc. Without anaesthetic with my first labour. And that's the most minor complication a first time mum can get. My closest friend is a lesbian and she and her partner of 20 odd years would love a baby and be great parents, utterly the best ever - my kids worship them, they are so fantastic - and I know my friends have wondered about adoption or other routes to having a child. And although I love her like a sister, I have thought about it and honestly know I couldn't go through that horrendous experience (and I labour fast!), emotionally or physically, even for someone I love as much as my best friend. So given the circs, it's something that's crossed my mind - although she's never asked me and never would ask me. Doing all that for a stranger just to make them feel like they're a parent. No. Sorry. Tough. They'd have to go without, because a week down the line I'd be hammering on their door wanting my baby back. Other folk may have different views but there's mine. If you want to be altruistic, there's a million ways to do it without risking your own physical and mental health. I think these days a lot of people think they have a 'right' to a child and not adopt or foster a kid who desperately needs it but a cute little newborn baby. As if they're buying a puppy or something. So I'd really worry about the mental health of anyone who wanted to do it, too. And how would the child feel when it's no longer a cute little newborn but a real walking talking thinking person? You have no control over the family or how they might screw up YOUR child's head that's already going to be affected by the fact its mother didn't want to keep it. (And that's how kids see things black and white). My advice as you can tell is - don't even go there, cyster! __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

04-22-2008, 09:06 PM	#3 (permalink)
chantelley guitar hero loving cyster Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Hull UK Posts: 219 My Mood: Points: 64.33 Bank: 28,658.36 Total Points: 28,722.69 Donate	No i dont have kids of my own, i intend to one day but as yet - no. You do make a lot of sense on a lot of those points. Its just soemthing iv been thinking a lot about, but like you say without having my own child it would be hard to say how i would react. Thanks for replying x __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Have a look at my cakes and let me know what you think and leave a comment To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. thank ya kindly

04-23-2008, 02:05 PM	#5 (permalink)
O Canada O Canada Join Date: May 2006 Location: Bristol, England Posts: 202 Points: 6,109.83 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 6,109.83 Donate	A nurse at my local clinic has done it twice, and says she'd jump at the chance to do it again. She has two children of her own and loves being pregnant. That said she says that her family (who is quite religious) don't agree with it, and it does cause problems there. I asked her if she had a difficult time after having the babies, and she said that she didn't because she knew that the babies belonged to someone else. Personally, I don't know that I could do it. She is a truly inspirational woman, but I don't know if I could manage the emotional side of things. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

04-23-2008, 07:58 PM	#6 (permalink)
PollySis Cheerful Radiohead fan Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: England Posts: 1,161 My Mood: Points: 19,767.87 Bank: 163.16 Total Points: 19,931.03 Donate	And talking of being a surrogate mum if you already have kids - isn't that irresponsible, to be messing with your existing kids' heads like that? Won't it make them think that you might give them away one day? Won't it make them spend their lives wondering about their sibling where they are, whether they're happy, and why you didn;t want to keep them? The concepts you're talking about would be hard for many young children to understand (let alone an ar5y teenager who years later, would throw it in your face every chance they got!) So it has ramifications for others, too. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

04-22-2008, 11:51 PM	#4 (permalink)
jnswd Registered User Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 39 Points: 1,416.42 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 1,416.42 Donate	I know someone who has been a surrogate and did mainly for money - she has 6 kids and it was the best way she could find to be a SAHM. It worked out pretty well for her, but there were a few complications that were challenging while being a mom to her own kids. I don't know that she would do it again. I know agencies make you go through a lot of counseling before becoming a surrogate. I'm not sure what health issues are ok and what are not. It is a very giving thing to do though.

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