telling your partner about the symptoms.

sal · 12-31-2006, 12:58 PM

Hi I was wondering if anybody had a bad experience when they have told their boyfriend about the symptoms of pcos. I have very low confidence and can never get close to anyone because of the excessive hair. I've read about lots of women who's partners have accepted them and the hair issue didn't bother them but although I would like to be open about pcos I dont think I could ever tell anyone about it for fear of them reacting badly, as I already have low self esteem and very sensitive about the hair issue. What kind of positive/negative experiences have you ladies had when telling your partner. Any reply's would be appreciated.

SianCat · 12-31-2006, 03:25 PM

Although I have had mainly good experiences with telling someone about the hair I am always scared of getting close to someone new. The excitemet of getting close is dampened with my fear of how they will react when I take off my clothes. I guess it takes time to feel comfortable. i used to be so insecure i could never talk to a guy unless he was a close friend and if a really cute guy liked me i would avoid him. it took me until university to get really intimate.
I've been open with two guys about the hair who were nice about it. The first guy I told was before I was checked for pcos and was being screened for cushing's. he accidentally touched the stubble under my chin and asked what it was. i was embarrassed but i explained this is why i am getting an mri. i have a hormone imbalance. he apologized saying he thought it was a scar and said, 'hey i'm hairier than you.' not the conversation i wanted but he wasn't a jerk. second guy i was open with was when i had been diagnosed with pcos and recieving the last blood tests for it. the first time i stayed over i wasn't prepared and did not bring my hair removal and coverup. i was also hairier than him, he was blonde and hairless...except he had hairy feet. he would joke,'for such a hobbit you don't have hairy feet.' he loved my stomach and would trace it and say it made me more amazing and unique. when i'd wake up in the morning the stubble was always bad but instead of looking at it he'd he say, god you are beautiful. a week later i was late getting to his house cause the hair under my chin was getting so bad and i was upset. when he asked me what's wrong i explained my hair problem and he just held me. overall he was a creep bf but the hair was not a problem. however my insecurity of it did complicate the relationship.
i was so afraid to share it with my first bf i hid it very well. he would have been a jerk about it at the time cause he was about my stubble on my legs, bikini area and the stomach hair but now i've told him about the pcos. he is very supportive. i hope he has now gotten out of the habit of making fun of facial hair on women now that he knows someone who has it.

sal · 01-01-2007, 09:15 PM

I always feel better when I read stories like yours and for some reason I am always surprised that guys are cool with it. I suppose it's just because there is just so much stigma about hairy women. I hope that when I get to the point of telling someone that I have a positive experience like yours.

locagirl · 01-02-2007, 08:16 AM

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now, and I've told him since pretty near the start I had a hormonal imbalance - and recently told him it's called PCOS (since I've been put on his health insurance - it came up on the papers because I'd already stated it with the insurance co as a pre-existing condition....for me it was quite a good way to bring it up properly i guess...).

Prior to learning it was called PCOS, I had told him bit by bit of all the possible symptoms I had/could have in the future because of it, and he's been really quite supportive and often makes me feel better by saying he doesn't see anything wrong with the hair I have or that he can't see my hair thinning. I update him with everything my endo/GP says, and he's kinda helping me to lose weight as well (he joined my gym because he plays ice hockey and needed the weights, but now we can train together as well!). It was quite a load off my shoulders for him to know about it, and it hasn't affected us on a day-to-day basis one bit (I was freaking about him reacting badly as well, but I'm guessing that feeling happens to many of us on this site)

At the end of the day, sure, someone could react badly if you tell them and your self esteem may take a blow (and if they only see you for PCOS and it's symptoms rather than the person you are, they're not worthy of you anyway) - but what if the person you tell ends up staying with you and being some of the best support you've ever had? For me that's worth the risk.

jeljebouti · 01-02-2007, 07:00 PM

For me my bf actually brought it up because I mentioned pcos in my My Space and he asked what that was. I'm glad we was the one to bring it up not me. Even so, it still took me a little while to get comfortable talking about it with him especially the hair. Now we talk about my pcos a lot. He's willing to do whatever it takes to help. And he never fails to mention how beautiful I am no matter how I look that day

He said I'd look sexy bald. I'm so lucky. That was always one of my greatest fears. I was always so scared to get close to anyone. I've been lucky in that most people around me have never given me grief about it. I always thought it was weird that people would have more of a problem with something about you than you do about yourself. My dad for instance, he was always so horribly mean about it to me and my mom. I guess some guys are bound to be jerks, but if you don't take the rist I guess you'll never know.

october_sky · 01-04-2007, 07:02 AM

The first relationships of mine didn't last very long haha and I was always able to hide it and never considered telling them. One time a guy noticed one single chest hair that I missed and never said anything, it wasn't an issue at all.

Eventually one of them turned serious. It never crossed my mind to tell him. Before spending the first night together, I shaved everything really good that afternoon and the next morning he was touching my neck and felt stubble. This was the first time I had ever feared rejection or anything like that. And he just kissed me and we went on with the rest of the day. We never brought it up but he knew why I was always checking the mirror or touching my neck. He was able to see past it and after that I was able to open up to him more.

Now, my current significant other is a transgender female living as a male. We knew eachother as friends for about a year before dating. Because of that, we were able to get to know eachother well without pressure or fear of rejection. I told him about the hair and the way I feel about it, etc. Even though he's saving up for laser hair removal for his face and likes everything smooth, he completely accepts me. We can lounge around the house and I won't shave that morning and he swears he doesn't see it even though I know he can lol. Although shaving together in the morning would be a little too weird for me.

For me the scariness of telling a guy depends on how much I like him and what the chemistry is like, how comfortable we are with eachother. It's a huge relief when they know and can still see the person you are inside and tell you that you're beautiful

kelliet · 01-26-2007, 11:23 PM

ok so im a bit slow to jump in this one but i had to write. My experience is not lengthy because I used to keep away from serious relationship because of my hair fears. Ive only told a couple of guys and havent had a bad reaction. I wish I hadnt wasted so much of my life feeling like some kind of unlovable freak. I told my current partner a couple of weeks after we met. I was scared but I thought 'Stuff it, if he has a problem with it he's not the type of guy I want in my life'. I told him I cant obsess about hair removal - its time consuming and does my head in. Please dont get me wrong, I still have a strict facial hair removal routine which includes laser, and I dont venture out of the house with any signs of it on my face, and wax and shave my arms and legs. But as for my stomach, back and shoulders I leave it between laser treatments. I couldnt stand the thought of entering another realtionship and trying to shave my back on a daily basis - damn thats hard work!

I must say that laser has reduced my hair significantly, but I do still have chin and jaw line stubble in the morning and when he touches it for the first time in my life I dont freak out or run to the shower like a mad woman!

Its hard I know, but just try to be honest. I think you'll find that for a decent guy it isnt really an issue

Kel

MelAngel · 02-13-2007, 01:23 AM

hi sal,

i know i am late with posting this, but here goes...

i recently told my boyfriend of 6 years about my PCOS... i know he had noticed the symptoms, (although not as much as i thought he had) and i decided that after all this time, i had to tell him. i am VERY hairy, although i spend a lot of time trying to cover it up. finally i decided he was either going to accept me for who i was, or that it was time for me to move on. when i decided to tell him, i was PETRIFIED... i thought for sure that he was going to leave me. but he didnt. he was actually quite supportive!

best of luck if you decide to tell your significant other... as scary as it can be to talk about something like that, it can be quite liberating too! now i know that if i don't have time to shave, or pluck, or whatever, that its not such a big deal!!

i really do believe that it is not as big of a deal to them as we think it will be.... hang in there!

PerfeCtlyOptomiStic · 02-13-2007, 01:45 AM

Oh, I know the feeling of not wanting anyone to know! And I had no clue at the time what was wrong with me. I thought I just grew excess hair! My mom never took me to a Dr. which she should have, but she didn't. Anyway, I never did tell my first boyfriend, but my second and now husband, I didn't want him to know it either, I waited till after we were married and when I told him he said he already knew! It doesn't bother him, he loves me for who I am. But I'm still struggle with it. I'm hoping to go on a low carb diet and try to heal the root problem and hopfully the hair will go away, at least partially.

ttara123 · 02-13-2007, 04:57 PM

It was never a big deal between my BF and I- of course, he's the only one I've told, though! When I told him I had PCOS, he went home and googled it. Once we were talking about it and he started saying all the side effects he learned about, like acne, hair growth, hair falling out, etc. I don't remember exactly what he said, but he kind of asked me if I had a problem with any of that, and I said yea I have to deal with these things like other women with PCOS. He just kind of nodded and it hasn't come up again. It doesn't seem to much bother him.

One of the first times he came to visit me, though (he lives 100 miles away...so most of our first dates were in fact a couple days long over a weekend or something!), I shaved and everything before he got there. I do have lighter hair and I'm blessed that that's easier to hide. But we were lounging around together and I saw him start to stare at my face. After a while, I realized that he was staring at my upper lip. I started freaking out, thinking that I probably didn't shave as well I thought and he was noticing it. It was still super early - I wasn't ready to tell him about it! So I kept turning away and covering myself up and just saying that he was weirding me out staring at my face like that. He kept being pushy, though, and after a while it was getting ridiculous so I just decided to let it go and get it all out in the open now. After a few minutes he said, "There's someting I have to tell you, but it's going to sound weird." And I braced myself. He said, "Most women have a fine little hairs on their upper lip and kind of a mustache, but you don't even have one." So apparently I did a good job shaving that day!

PerfeCtlyOptomiStic · 02-14-2007, 07:21 PM