Thin Cysters TTC Part 19 - Page 11

keohanel · 04-27-2008, 10:50 PM

hey girls,

i deleted because i know how much DH would hate to know that i had put anything up. i kept my reply b/c it didn't seem as bad, but he is a very private person. i know that he will never see this board but i just felt guilty as soon as i posted it.

thank you for all of your support!

Laura0621 · 04-27-2008, 11:21 PM

Ah, I get it know!
Have a nice evening everyone.

deb1211 · 04-28-2008, 09:33 AM

Keo - that makes sense.

My temp is still strangely high..who knows if clomid is doing anything or not.

doolin · 04-28-2008, 09:49 AM

Keo - I don't want to beat a dead horse and I did miss your original post, so forgive me if I'm overstepping my bounds. I don't have any solutions, but I do have one piece of advice (as someone who has also had some of these issues): be very mindful of how this makes you feel about yourself. This is a super touchy subject for men and in many ways it's best to not talk about it to avoid putting too much pressure on him, etc. BUT if you feel like it is deleterious to your sense of your own sexuality, attractiveness, and (ultimately) sense of self-worth, then it needs to be aired and talked about. If not dealt with, it can cause a very real rift in your marriage and may erode the relationship. [I don't mean this as doom and gloom as it sounds..]

So, the bottom line is that many of us have been there and no one likes to talk about it, which can leave you feeling alone. For me, it was frustrating and even bordered on humiliating sometimes. Again I have no good advice because I think I am downright harsh with DH sometimes and I'm sure there's better ways to handle it. However, we now openly talk about what the underlying stressors are (work, family, commuting), and I keep driving the point home that those stresses will always be there and our intimacy does not have to suffer for it.

My first RE intimated that TTC is particularly hard for women with PCOS for a number of reasons, but one of the subtle ones is how much non-recreational sex is involved. Women with regular cycles have a 4-day (or so) window to conceive; for women with PCOS, this can drag on for weeks and weeks. This puts a lot of strain on a relationship. One very helpful measure my RE did was to monitor me mid-cycle even on natural cycles. This gave me an idea how far along my follies were (if at all), so I'd have a better understanding of when it would be realistic to start frequently BDing. It also helped me understand my body's natural signs, however subtle, because I was able to correlate them to what was actually going on.

relka · 04-28-2008, 11:25 AM

doolin- great advice. i have never felt more unattractive in my life than since i've been married. if i were a weaker woman i would have strayed long ago. my DH has close to zero sex drive. i used to initiate and felt so rejected when nothing happened that i just thre my hands up. my situation is complicated by the bi-polar meds my DH takes, but it still doesn't make me feel any better.
anyway, this is not a great morning. i woke up depressed and on the verge of tears. i'm super nervous about this cycle working b/c i only have enough injectables for one more cycle. DH and i are at odds about dipping into savings to cover IVF. i hope it doesn't have to be an issue for us.
how is everyone? tummy- how are you?

keohanel · 04-28-2008, 11:51 AM

Doolin - you are absolutely not overstepping your bounds. I took down my original post b/c i knew it would hurt DH's feelings. The problem still exists, however, and, frankly, I'm glad from the responses that I'm not the only one! (although I wish this wasn't the reality for any of us.) and it completely makes sense to me that if i had a regular cycle and only tried to BD 2-3 times a cycle/month and the rest of the time H was allowed to initiate, that the situations might be somewhat reversed. Although, who know's how long we would go without in that situation ... I sometimes wondered if b/c of the PCOS and increased testosterone, i were attracted to men with slightly lower testosterone. Before we do clomid, our dr wants H to have an SA - will they test his testosterone level?

i am very afraid of this ruining our marriage/relationship. i very much feel unattractive to him a great deal of the time. i have told him this - i try not to yell, but say it honestly. and i point out the times that he initiates (which are few) and i reject him (even less) he feels unattractive. I have now made a point of never saying no unless i am really really sick or something. when DH says that it is b/c of work and that vacations will be fine, i point out that if this is a problem, 1-2 weeks a year aren't going to fix it.

once i have been on met for 2-3 cycles and my dr starts me on clomid, she will be watching my cycles for us. if the clomid doesn't work, i will ask her to monitor our natural cycles too.

i just hate this though, i already feel unattractive b/c i still get acne, i have weird hairs that i constantly tweeze, basically all the symptoms of PCOS ...

How is everyone else doing? I don't want it to seem like we're stalking you, but how is everything Tummy?

oh, and Relka, you're in NYC right? I blame the weather for my craptastic mood this morning.

springtime · 04-28-2008, 01:02 PM

Doolin-Great advice. I had things the other way around when we were TTC the first time. My DH felt that he was like a science experiment because everything was timed and done a certain way. This time, I made a mental effort not to repeat that. In a way, I was so wrapped up in IF that I am surprised we lasted. My life revolved around it and I made sure to tell him every piece of info even if he wasn't interested. This time, I tell him what he needs to know and when he asks. The rest of the time, I'm here on this board

Let us know how your appt goes today!! Good luck!

Keo-I am so sorry about how you are feeling. I've actually been hearing about this, even from people not TTC and pretty early in their relationship. Those men also have stressful jobs. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you.

Relka-I am so sorry about the stress. Have you looked into care credit to help pay for IVF. They sometimes give you 0% APR and some time to pay it off. I used it for Lasik for about 3K and was given 12 months to pay it off. It may be useful. By the way, those meds that DH is taking are tough. I have had clients on meds to control their symptoms. Is he in therapy? It may help.

Tummy-How are you? I have been thinking of you quite a bit. You are in my prayers.

To everyone else....hi there and hope you are well!

You know, I find it absolutely amazing that women can come together and be so honest about their "innards" (as doolin would say), their relationships, feelings, etc. I say things here that I never would say to someone else. It is a blessing and no matter what, being part of a group and not feeling alone, is quite powerful. Look at how we are concerned for each other and care about people we have never met in person! Sorry to be so mushy but I love you guys!

heartcore · 04-28-2008, 01:27 PM

Tummy: OMG! I've been away all weekend and just read up on all of this craziness!! I'm so sorry you have to go through this :-(

As for me, I am completely freaking out over here. Last week I called that company that is doing that huge IVF trial (is this the same one that you're doing springtime??) Anyway they are doing the study in my RE's office too but my RE called me Friday and said that the study was already in progress so they couldn't accept any more patients. WELL...this morning my cell rings and I see its the RE's office...weird cuz I'm on a break. The lady proceeds to tell me that over the weekend the trial company (I cant remember the name) contacted them and told them they could accept more patients. So they called me!!!!!!! It will only be $4200 for the whole IVF cycle (vs $15000) and I have my consultation to see if I'm approved next monday!!!!! I'm ecstatic!

rywaller · 04-28-2008, 01:44 PM

I'm sorry I have been MIA lately -- for some reason I can't post from home (it just chokes everytime) and things at work have been crazy so I haven't been able to post from there either.

Tummy- I hope you're doing ok... I've been thinking about you.

Keo- Reading about your frustration gives me some insight to how my DH might feel. We sort of have the opposite problem. I have a lot of stress from work and sometimes it's hard to relax enough to really get in the mood, plus BDing can be somewhat painful for me (no doc has been able to tell me why). I really worry about it a lot-- so chances are, your DH does too. I have noticed that the more days (or weeks) between sex, the harder it is to get in the mood so getting more in the habit is something i'm working on.

deb- i hope the clomid is working!

No news from me. I've been up to 2000mg of Met for a few weeks and it's going fine. I'm going to my endo on Wednesday and he'll be testing insulin (first time i'll be doing a fasting test) and hormones so I'll be interested to see if there has been a change. Then we'll know if the Met has made a difference or not. Still no AF, which is frustrating. Then again, i've only been on it for 2 months. I'm starting to get anxious though and thinking about starting clomid in July.

Tummy · 04-28-2008, 02:00 PM

Heartcore -- that's FANTASTIC!!! Oh, I think this is going to be a winner for you. I'm SO excited you get to do this!

Springtime -- what's your status on the study? Are you still on Lupron or are you stimming or what? ((((hugs)))) It IS so nice to be able to share everything on here. And to know so many of us have so many of the same problems. It feels so much better to not be alone in all of this.

DH issues -- it is really hard not to feel unattractive when turned down for sex. I did discuss this with DH at one point, and he makes an effort to tell me all the time how beautiful and sexy I am now, even though the sex thing really isn't much better. Sadly, I've just come to accept it, knowing that I don't want our marriage to end because of it. Keo, I would bet they would check his testosterone if you ask them to, so if he's willing you should def do it.

Relka -- I'm so sorry you're depressed. I really hope this cycle works for you so you don't have to face any more expense and marriage conflict from doing more. Did you look into the IVF study? I can't remember.

Deb -- do you think you could have O'd?

Thanks for all the nice thoughts from everyone. I'm doing okay. No bleeding so far today. Really it seems to come down to is this decidual bleeding (the supposed "period" during pregnancy that Rose and Laura mentioned) or an ectopic. I really really really hope it's the former, but trying to be realistic. I'm looking forward to talking to my dr about it tomorrow to see which one she thinks is most likely.

rywaller · 04-28-2008, 02:08 PM

oh, and sorry for leaving like 20 of you out when writing that post. hard to keep track!

heartcore-- awesome awesome awesome!

relka- i really hope this cycle works for you! and you shouldn't feel bad about being depressed... there's a lot on your mind. plus it's monday and rainy- yuck.

keohanel · 04-28-2008, 02:30 PM

oh springtime: you big ol' mushball

but i hear what you are saying - it's why i posted over here ... and why i felt i could delete part of it (which is a big no no on another board i go to). this is a great board!

heartcore: that is so awesome!!!! i hope your consultation goes really well!

rywaller: thank you for your take on it - it's always good to know the other side

also, i'm on CD38 on Met and also have no AF or O yet. I hope your endo appt goes well. For some people (us included) if it does work it can take a few cycles. Also, have you considered Vitex? I've been hearing a lot about it and have been thinking that i may do it the next cycle (if it ever gets here).

Deb: i hope the clomid worked!

relka: just *hugs*

tummy: i'm glad no bleeding today. i really hope it's not ectopic. i'm sure you're even more anxious, but i am also wondering what your doctor will say!

Hello to the Lauras (sorry girls - you will probably be stuck being addressed that way!), doolin, Lucy, TXan, Auf, Pikachu, sheepie, stacey, stef, blondie, rose, kdwgr, HRT, and anyone i may have missed!

ShellBell63 · 04-28-2008, 04:00 PM

heartcore--i started tearing up when i read that you got called for the IVF study!!! i am so excited for you!

whitney--i am anxious to hear what your doctor has to say, i really hope that everything turns out for the best.

TXan · 04-28-2008, 04:00 PM

Tummy - You are certainly on a roller coaster! Hopefully all is progress well, and maybe some of your side effects will go away soon! I have heard of some folks clotting, so perhaps your RE will verify you will not have long term issues with that. Best of luck!

As for me, unfortunately it is the bad news I expected. A big bust this cycle. I have a follow up consult since I am really confused. All signs were looking good up to transfer, and I guess my "kiss of death" was assuming all would go well since my first transfer was successful. Have to say it's daunting to think of the additional treatment I will have to endur, and of course really NOT KNOWING what will be in the cards. I was pretty disappointed and down this weekend, but trying to put into perspective. I guess I'll be on this board for a while to come!

Thanks to everyone for your well wishes. Hopefully at some point they'll be better news - for us all.

relka · 04-28-2008, 04:45 PM

deb- i hope the temps are a good sign and clomid is working.

keo- hang in there. my DH and i have a session with his therapist on Wednesday. it is supposed to be about parenting, but i think it will be about IF. yeah, the weather here sucks today. i like the idea of monitored natural cycles. thanks for the hugs.

springtime- DH is in therapy 1x a week and goes btwn 2-3 meds at a time. he's a very good patient and really does work hard to be well, and i'm thankful for that. you are so sweet! are you trying to make me cry at work? thank you. i don't know what i would do w/o you laides.

heartcore- that is fabulous news. i'm so glad that worked out. yippee!

rywalker- i know met can take awile to work, but its great that you are tolerating it. i have an appt. with my endo today. i'll be able to ask him PCOS specific questions which i can only kinda ask my RE. my RE really does focus on getting me preggo. anyway, i hope the met works for you.

hi shell- how are you? i just love the pics of your nieces.

oh txan- i am so sorry about this cycle. it does feel like so much to go through with no guarantee about the outcome. it is really hard. be good to yourself and i'm praying for you.