Things no one told me about a newborn... - Page 12

Tigger2Cute · 04-25-2006, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zinzara

5. Your baby's skin may not be as sensitive as you imagine, you *may* not need special detergent, wipes or creams. I didn't

6. Baby will be wrinkly, bruised, squished and otherwise not very attractive right after birth.

To number 5. My little girl hasn't had a problem with that either luckily.
To number 6. That didn't apply to her either. Granted she was a week past due but she was absolutely beautiful and I'm not just saying that because I'm her mother. She's the eighth grandchild in my family, all my sisters have children and they all told me that she was she the most beautiful baby born in our family. Everyone that has seen her from the day she was born has stopped and commented how adorable she is and how she doesn't/didn't have that wrinkly newborn look. I'll post her picture later.

I wish some one would have told me how painful hemorrhoids are after birth. Geesh, that was worse than the episiotomy!
And I wish someone would have told me how all of a sudden I would worry over things that I'd never even thought about and how my heart would hurt so deep just out of fear of anything ever happening to her and how bad it would hurt to go back to work and leave her with some one else. Today is my first day back.
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Ammaarah · 04-25-2006, 01:14 AM

Judy, I was just thinking of you last night! Please post a birth story and pics if you can!
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Zebra · 04-28-2006, 02:35 AM

This is a beautiful thread. I love the support this group has given each other over and over!

A few things no-one ever told me;

Having a baby is like joining a secret club. all of a sudden you are a member, and every other member will smile at you and start talking to you, while the week prior they would have never noticed you.
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It is great!

Only ONE single person told me what I needed to hear most before giving birth:
Natural birth without meds is possible, and you can do it!!!!!
I was very open about wanting a natural birth without meds and every woman i spoke with declared me insane, said "you just wait till you are in labor", "you'll see" etc. I was sad and discouraged. A stranger in a sports store was looking at gymnastics ball while I was looking for a "birthing ball". She had a 3 month old in a baby Bjorn strapped to her and we started chatting. I told her about what I was looking for. She said she had done it, that it is possible, and it is awesome.

I perfectly understand every woman who goes through labor and does it in the way that works best for her. But after my birthing experience, I have a magic pride in proofing those that questioned me wrong!

So if no-one has told you "YOU CAN DO IT", here I am to tell you, that it is possible, you CAN. Put your mind to it and find the support you need. Of course there will be challenges, but you will meet them. And if that means you have a c-section, so be it. But don't let the doubt of other people question your believe in yourself and your ability to make your best attempt at having the labor you imagine for yourself!

About the hormones after birth... I had a boy, so he obviously didn't have a period, but due to my hormones, his nipples were quite swollen. It subsided after a few days.

Believe in magic! Birth is just like it
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Love this thread and love the women who contributed to it!

Zebra

wyatt9673 · 04-28-2006, 02:41 AM

No one told me:

* that you will have to cut their nails almost everyday. And that even that isn't enough. I have cut, filed, clipped, etc., Trevor's nails and he still manages to cut himself up.

* that you can and will sleep through your husband's alarm clock (and multiple snoozings), his snoring, the dog's snoring, a thunderstorm, but you will wake up the second your baby makes the slighest sound.

And many people told me how much I would love my baby and I never doubted that, but I never really understood just how much I would love my baby. It is amazing!!!!!!!

saluki_fan · 04-28-2006, 04:25 PM

Quote:

but you will wake up the second your baby makes the slighest sound.

Actually, last week i was sleeping in the bed we have in Alex's room, 6 feet away from him, and I still didn't wake up when he was crying! DH heard him across the house and had to come in and shake me, I was that zonked out. (This was after the first night of his ear infection when I was up all night, literally.) But that's the only time it's happened.

Good point on the fingernails, Wyatt - I clip them every 2-3 days. They grow like weeds. But I haven't had to clip his toenails at all yet!

wyatt9673 · 04-28-2006, 04:31 PM

I just clipped his fingernails last night again because he looks like he was attacked by a cat....lol (it's not really that bad). But he does draw blood. What am I doing wrong?

taradon · 04-28-2006, 05:05 PM

You're not doing anything wrong, those fingernails just grow super-fast. And because they're so thin, they're really very sharp. I remember when DD was a baby that I was clipping fingernails every other day to try and keep ahead of the scratches.

MsSuziQ · 04-28-2006, 06:05 PM

No one told me how needed I would feel when my baby is crying and she stops as soon as I have her in my arms. Sometimes all she wants is her Mommy and it makes my heart melt to know that.

shllss · 04-28-2006, 07:31 PM

Aw Suzi - isn't that the bestest feeling ever?

sazzifrazz · 05-02-2006, 05:49 PM

I wish someone had told me that at about 4 days pp your hormones really wack out and you become this emotional crying mess...over nothing!!

that the sound of a unconsolable screaming baby can actually make you tense up so badly your shoulders ache-especially if you are driving and baby is screaming in the back seat.

irishmonk · 05-25-2006, 07:15 PM

Here's one I haven't seen mentioned. TRY to enjoy those last days of pg, no matter how miserable you may feel overall. In particular, relish in the feeling of him/her moving inside you. I found that when we came home, I suddenly REALLY missed being pg. Certainly, some of it was hormonal, but I will always remember walking into my bedroom for the first time the night we came home from the hospital and bursting into hysterical sobs when I thought to myself, "Last time I laid in this bed, I was pg." I was SO not prepared for that emotion, and I think that made working through it even harder. Although the last time I'd been in that bed, I'd cried b/c of how badly my body seemed to ache EVERYWHERE, I still missed that intimate bond where my baby was mine and mine alone.
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The first weeks may be hard, but they may be amazing too. I LOVED the newborn/infant stage. Honestly, although I love my big girl, I miss the days where I knew she couldn't cause herself any harm and that I was the center of her whole world.

FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS. And do your research. BF'ing (especially extending BF'ing), natural birthing, not circ'ing, delayed/selective/no vaxxing, cosleeping, cloth diapering, etc are all REAL options. They may not be right for everyone, but by the same token, don't let anyone discourage you because they think it's nuts. If your research and your instincts say to do it, DO IT.

And to reiterate a point many others have made, seek out a real LC or a LLL group to answer your bf questions. Sadly, many peds, GPs, OBs, etc have very, very little training on bf'ing, and what they do know they learned MANY years back in med school and is now out of date. They can give very, very bad advice that will end up sabotaging a bf'ing relationship.

When you are engorged, it may be difficult for your baby to latch. Try pumping off a bit of the excess milk before latching baby on.

Cluster feeding is not abnormal, especially from about 1 month to 3 months old. There were a few weeks where Maggie seemed to bf almost nonstop from about 5 pm to 10 pm. Sometimes she would literally nurse for 90 minutes, pop of for 15, and then be ready to bf again. Also, expect periodic growth spurts. The most common are at 10 days, 6 weeks, 3 months, and 6 months. Your baby will want to nurse more at these times too.

Similarly, follow your child's cues about how often to bf. DO NOT TRY TO SET A SCHEDULE. This is another good way to sabotage a bf relationship. My DD nursed every 90 minutes or so, BUT she was also a FAST nurser...usually done within 10-15 minutes MAX. (Cluster feeding aside, LOL.) And don't believe that you HAVE to feed baby off both breasts each time. My DD got a fully belly off just one side each time, which might be b/c I had a VERY large supply. I didn't start feeding her on both sides until she was probably a year. Just follow their cues. When they pop off from one side, offer the other and see if they take it. DO NOT forcibly remove them from one side after X minutes. Your milk changes throughout a nursing session, and the "hindmilk" (the stuff that comes at the end) is VERY rich. That is the BEST milk to grow your baby. So let him/her stay on the same side until he/she decides to be done. That's a good indicator that the hindmilk has been consumed. In fact, if your baby is not gaining well, you might want to try popping him/her back onto the same breast when he/she unlatches rather than switching sides. It could be that he/she is simply coming off too quickly and missing the hindmilk.

For the first few weeks, you may want to consider waking your child after 4 hours if he/she has not done so already. It seems crazy to wake a sleeping child, but you don't want your supply to suffer either. However, most bf'ing moms don't find this a problem, as their babies will naturally wake every 2-4 hours, LOL.

On a non bf-ing subject, some babies WILL NOT sleep in a crib at first. My DD was a HORRIBLE sleeper until we discovered the swing. She liked the "snuggled" sensation and the motion. Eventually, we were able to transition her into sleeping in her carseat in the crib, where she still got the same "snuggled" sensation, at about 4 months old, and she stayed in that until 7 months. I will say that our transition to the crib did NOT go well, and at 9 months, we began cosleeping. But I genuinely don't believe that had to do with the swing/carseat thing; I know lots of women who have done that with no problems. My DD just happens to have VERY low sleep needs and sleeps best when she knows we're nearby. She's now 3.5 and generally sleeps through the night. Although she is no longer in our bed, her bed IS in our room. We all love it this way (even though lots of people think we're nuts - again, follow your instincts). But she does only sleep about 10 hours per night and has not napped in about 6 months. That's just her. I wish I'd known then that her frequent wakings and smaller number of sleep hours were part of who she was; it would have saved me a lot of heartache wondering what was "wrong."

Hm, I guess I had more to say than I thought when I started, LOL. It's been a long time since I've had a newborn, but with #2 (finally) on the way, I guess I've been thinking a lot about this stuff again. Hope someone finds it helpful.
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saluki_fan · 05-25-2006, 07:44 PM

Quote:

And to reiterate a point many others have made, seek out a real LC or a LLL group to answer your bf questions. Sadly, many peds, GPs, OBs, etc have very, very little training on bf'ing, and what they do know they learned MANY years back in med school and is now out of date. They can give very, very bad advice that will end up sabotaging a bf'ing relationship.

I totally agree with this!!!

My pedi, though well-meaning, told me that if DS nursed for more than 10 minutes on each side he was just using me as a human pacifier.

DS did not gain hardly ANY weight for a week (maybe 1 1/2 ounces in 1 week) and looked alarmingly ill, with skin bagging off him. I took him to the nurse practitioner in the pedi's practice for another, unrelated issue and she told me "let him nurse as long as he wants." (She had just finished weaning her 10-month-old DS herself.) Well, guess what...he takes about 15 minutes each side (or he did at that time.) One week later, I took him back to see her and get weighed and he had gained 9 oz in 7 days!

DS is still small, and it makes me so sad to think that he might weigh more if I had questioned the pedi about the 10-minute thing. I feel so guilty.

wyatt9673 · 05-25-2006, 10:26 PM

It is alarmingly scarey how little doctors/nurses seem to know about breastfeeding!!!!! I agree with others - read, read, read, get support through LLL or with an IBCLC!!

sazzifrazz · 05-26-2006, 09:29 PM

I agree about enjoying your pregnancy. I was so excited to give birth and meet him that I didn't realize how precious being pregnant is. I missed it when I came home from the hospital. Having him/her inside of you and only you can feel him/her move is just about the most awsome thing in life! I miss being pregnant so much...all of the happiness and excitement. It was the best 9 months of my life-I just didn't know it till it was over lol.

Mimsy · 05-27-2006, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by irishmonk

Here's one I haven't seen mentioned. TRY to enjoy those last days of pg, no matter how miserable you may feel overall. In particular, relish in the feeling of him/her moving inside you. I found that when we came home, I suddenly REALLY missed being pg. Certainly, some of it was hormonal, but I will always remember walking into my bedroom for the first time the night we came home from the hospital and bursting into hysterical sobs when I thought to myself, "Last time I laid in this bed, I was pg." I was SO not prepared for that emotion, and I think that made working through it even harder. Although the last time I'd been in that bed, I'd cried b/c of how badly my body seemed to ache EVERYWHERE, I still missed that intimate bond where my baby was mine and mine alone.
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The first weeks may be hard, but they may be amazing too. I LOVED the newborn/infant stage. Honestly, although I love my big girl, I miss the days where I knew she couldn't cause herself any harm and that I was the center of her whole world.

FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS. And do your research. BF'ing (especially extending BF'ing), natural birthing, not circ'ing, delayed/selective/no vaxxing, cosleeping, cloth diapering, etc are all REAL options. They may not be right for everyone, but by the same token, don't let anyone discourage you because they think it's nuts. If your research and your instincts say to do it, DO IT.

And to reiterate a point many others have made, seek out a real LC or a LLL group to answer your bf questions. Sadly, many peds, GPs, OBs, etc have very, very little training on bf'ing, and what they do know they learned MANY years back in med school and is now out of date. They can give very, very bad advice that will end up sabotaging a bf'ing relationship.

When you are engorged, it may be difficult for your baby to latch. Try pumping off a bit of the excess milk before latching baby on.

Cluster feeding is not abnormal, especially from about 1 month to 3 months old. There were a few weeks where Maggie seemed to bf almost nonstop from about 5 pm to 10 pm. Sometimes she would literally nurse for 90 minutes, pop of for 15, and then be ready to bf again. Also, expect periodic growth spurts. The most common are at 10 days, 6 weeks, 3 months, and 6 months. Your baby will want to nurse more at these times too.

Similarly, follow your child's cues about how often to bf. DO NOT TRY TO SET A SCHEDULE. This is another good way to sabotage a bf relationship. My DD nursed every 90 minutes or so, BUT she was also a FAST nurser...usually done within 10-15 minutes MAX. (Cluster feeding aside, LOL.) And don't believe that you HAVE to feed baby off both breasts each time. My DD got a fully belly off just one side each time, which might be b/c I had a VERY large supply. I didn't start feeding her on both sides until she was probably a year. Just follow their cues. When they pop off from one side, offer the other and see if they take it. DO NOT forcibly remove them from one side after X minutes. Your milk changes throughout a nursing session, and the "hindmilk" (the stuff that comes at the end) is VERY rich. That is the BEST milk to grow your baby. So let him/her stay on the same side until he/she decides to be done. That's a good indicator that the hindmilk has been consumed. In fact, if your baby is not gaining well, you might want to try popping him/her back onto the same breast when he/she unlatches rather than switching sides. It could be that he/she is simply coming off too quickly and missing the hindmilk.

For the first few weeks, you may want to consider waking your child after 4 hours if he/she has not done so already. It seems crazy to wake a sleeping child, but you don't want your supply to suffer either. However, most bf'ing moms don't find this a problem, as their babies will naturally wake every 2-4 hours, LOL.

On a non bf-ing subject, some babies WILL NOT sleep in a crib at first. My DD was a HORRIBLE sleeper until we discovered the swing. She liked the "snuggled" sensation and the motion. Eventually, we were able to transition her into sleeping in her carseat in the crib, where she still got the same "snuggled" sensation, at about 4 months old, and she stayed in that until 7 months. I will say that our transition to the crib did NOT go well, and at 9 months, we began cosleeping. But I genuinely don't believe that had to do with the swing/carseat thing; I know lots of women who have done that with no problems. My DD just happens to have VERY low sleep needs and sleeps best when she knows we're nearby. She's now 3.5 and generally sleeps through the night. Although she is no longer in our bed, her bed IS in our room. We all love it this way (even though lots of people think we're nuts - again, follow your instincts). But she does only sleep about 10 hours per night and has not napped in about 6 months. That's just her. I wish I'd known then that her frequent wakings and smaller number of sleep hours were part of who she was; it would have saved me a lot of heartache wondering what was "wrong."

Hm, I guess I had more to say than I thought when I started, LOL. It's been a long time since I've had a newborn, but with #2 (finally) on the way, I guess I've been thinking a lot about this stuff again. Hope someone finds it helpful.
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I just needed to ditto EVERY SINGLE WORD of this amazing post. If I had known this stuff before having DD I would have been a better, and happier Mama. If I am so lucky to have another, I will throw away every book that expects my baby to be a carbon copy and do things the "right way". I will tell every well-meaning person who has never BF'ed, never co-slept and never considered that babies don't NEED schedules, that they can stuff it.
And finally, I really wish that I had considered the fact that babies, while tiny and new, still have personalities and differing needs and wants. Too many baby books expect all babies to conform to the same mold. And that is unrealistic.