Think I wish Someone had told me after my 1st M/C

tcrock02 · 03-30-2009, 01:23 PM

I read on here all the posts and feel the pain in the words of those who have suffered this tramatic loss. Makes my heart sad. There are a few things i wish someone had told me after my 1st loss.....
Its ok to mourn
Its ok to take a little time for yourself away from others
Its ok to name your baby regardless if you knew the sex of that child or not..
Its ok to call it a baby-not a fetus or a product of conception
Its ok to be angry and work thru each day as it comes
Its ok to build some kind of a memorial for your loss wether it be a flower or a statue or anything that reminds you of your child
Its ok to celebrate the EDD of ur child every year and sing Happy Birthday
ITs ok to avoid pregnant women
ITs ok to not go to a baby shower u are invited to if you just cant handle it that day
ITs ok to cry until you have no more tears.....
These are just off the top of my head. From the moment the stick turned colors my baby was my baby...I dont want to forget nor do i feel i have to hide how i feel. I celebrate being able to carry my babies for any amount of time and i know that someday i will be reunited with them in heaven.. What a joyous day that will be.

R0xyg4l · 03-30-2009, 08:43 PM

Well said and very beautiful. My first m/c due date is coming up in a few weeks. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it. But I'll have a lot of my family around, so I'm sure it'll be ok.

I just wanted to add it's OK to go to the spa and spend an obscene amount of money on yourself because after all you've been through, you deserve it.

At least I think so... lol

tcrock02 · 03-30-2009, 11:56 PM

I totally agree with that. Actually i walked by the nail salon tonight and thought "wow i need to go get a pedicure" but i didnt....hummmmm. My b-day is coming up..

R0xyg4l · 03-31-2009, 01:32 AM

You're a good girl lol. I think after my last m/c it was top priority to go to the spa lol. You HAVE to use the hot tub before you get pregnant again was my mentality! When do you go in for your RPL testing? I have to wait until 4/10. Then it stinks to think I have to wait another 3 wks like most to find out the results.

tcrock02 · 03-31-2009, 12:46 PM

I have already had the blood drawn 3 weeks ago. I was supposed to go and get my results yesterday but the Dr office called and my Dr went home sick.grrrrrr.... i mean hello i have already waited 3 weeks. I am scheduled to go in on Wed the 1st @ 315 if they cancel again i think i will go off.....It took me a year to get pg this last time i am wondering if he will give me clomid. but i still have not had a AF and it has been 5 weeks that has me pretty wierded out to. I did a pg test 2 weeks ago and another last week both neg. so i wasnt pg yet or it didnt show anyway. there are alot of girls on here pg before AF arrives. BUt the pg tests did tell me that my hcg went back down cuz the dr was not tracking it... i swear i wanna scream. who woul dhave thought getting pg would be a job!!!!

R0xyg4l · 03-31-2009, 01:58 PM

That stinks, I'd be upset if they rescheduled, well twice at least. I'd just be a bit disappointed after the first time. I really hope you get some answers. I told my MD that I kinda hope something is wrong so we can go OK thats what it is and deal with it. I saw the thread too where a lot of women had gotten pg before AF even came. I think that sounds great lol. I'm scared though if that were to happen to me that the ending would all be the same. With my last D&C I ovulated almost exactly 4 weeks later and I wasn't about to let an O chance pass me by! My MD said because I had a 16 wk loss and a 9 wk loss "it's almost like two different things happened!". Ok thanks lady, I feel great now. I'd be interested in hearing your results if you feel like sharing. The possible causes right now are all over my head thinking about what it could be and how do we fix it. Best of luck on Wednesday!

wannabamama · 04-01-2009, 12:06 AM

Tcrock - the things you listed are important. I had two people tell me some of the things included on your list. I think the most profound one for me was allowing myself to feel the emotion whenever it may hit. On Sunday, a song was played and I cried. Sometimes I'm just thinking about all the thoughts I had for this child, and I cry. But, allow myself to and don't excuse myself or try to hide it. That helps a little........

tcrock02 · 04-01-2009, 11:35 AM

Roxy i dont mind sharing my results. I guess my biggest fear is that they find nothing wrong and cant give me any answers. if there is a problem i have read so much research that there is a fix to most of them. i dont care if i have to take pills or give myself shots or whatever just please give me an answer,you know what i mean. This last m'/c was harder on me then the others because i was so confident since starting metformin that everything would be different than the others. I still worried about every twinge or cramp. it is stinky how m/c robs you of your joy when you finally get your BFP again. i am 38 and so worried that my time is running out. me and dh have no children together. all the children i have are from my previous marriage even my adopted ones. i so want 2 share that with him. i feel like my body is betraying me and it i have days when i am just down right ANGRY>>>>I will post my results hopefully today but probably not til i get home from church tonight.... i look forward to hearing yours also when you finnaly get your blood work done. They took about 6 vials...

Wannabemom-i know what you mean bout it just hitting you but i try hard to be strong for my family. i cry after t hey are in bed. with this last m/c as soon as i came thru the door my kids met me and we have a good cry together. that was when it hit me that it effects them as well as me and i would rather hurt alone. stupid i guess... i did want to tell you that i copied the verse from your signature when i seen it on another post and i hung it on my frig. It is a comfort 2 me

R0xyg4l · 04-01-2009, 01:33 PM

I totally understand what you mean. If something is wrong you can fix it, if they find nothing then you always have that fear of it happening again. My mom remarried when she was in her 40s to a guy that had never had children of his own. She had her tubes tied and he had a vasectomy. She kept having all of these weird s/s, went in for a lot of tests and nothing was ever found. She's a nurse as well and a decided to take a pregnancy test and it came back positive. That was so weird for me lol she called me and told me when my DD was like 2 that she had a BFP. Unfortunately, because the problems she started having early on weren't caught or taken care of she had a m/c. BUT miracles can and do happen. Everyone keep asking me "What could be wrong?" I keep telling them sadly, my babies can't survive in me once they are made. Everyone thinks because I have PCOS it's hormonal related to PCOS. I keep telling them "No I'm able to get pg and it's not like my progesterone is low because we always find out the baby has no hb before the m/c or D&C has taken place." I hope you find some answers, and I pray one day I will too. Good luck today!

wannabamama · 04-01-2009, 11:15 PM

tcrock - I'm doing the same as you - crying alone at night. When I came from the RE's office that day, DH and DD were waiting for me and we all cried. We all went in bed together and cried and they hugged me and took care of me. The next day I sent DD to school, and DH to work, and I cried and cried and cried. Then, I realized I have to be strong because this 5 year old needs a strong mother who will be there for her and not sad all the time. So, I try not to get emotional in front of her anymore - even when she asks the tough questions like - "are you sure the baby's not coming out in Oct? How come? I wanted to be a big sister"

I also love the verse that follows the verse in my siggie .... "...and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and minds through Christ Jesus."

tcrock02 · 04-02-2009, 12:11 PM

Ok so i was very optimistic when i went 2 my dr appointment. I was sure we would have our answer. Just the wait in the waiting room was hard to bear. Well I went in and waited for the Dr some more. She came in and sat on the stool and i felt like "here it comes" she said "i know the Dr Vendola ordered all of your blood work and i have the results. I would like to say we have found out what that there is a problem but all of your tests coame back normal." I instantly started to cry. I tried so hard to hold it in because i was alone and i hate crying in public but there it was. No answer as to why my babies all seem to never stick. It was the most helpless and hopeless feeling i have had since my miscarriages began 3 years ago. I am religious and i know that God never puts more on you than you can bear but i feel so betrayed. I watch my teenage nieces spit out children like gum and never even take care of them and here i sit... wanting so much to hold that baby in my arms and it is just a dream that i try to wake up from and cant. The only test the my Dr did not order was the MTHFR so she drew up the paper work and i went for the blood test yesterday. She will have the results on Monday so i can call and get them then. I just feel like it will still not by my answer i am so depressed and teary today even shows on TV make me wanna burst out. But i run a homedaycare so i have to hold it together until naptime. I know that i have birthed one child and for that i am truely greatful i just wish that if me having a baby with my DH was not in my future that this knawing ache in my heart would just stop. If this last test does not show anything than i am just screwed. My insurance ended on the 31st of March and Genetic counseling is next and that is financially out of the question right now. Do you ever feel like u are beating your head against a brick wall?? I am trying to hold out hope for this last test.... grasping at any moment of sanity i can maintain. I appreciate both of you letting me ramble on. Its just gonna be one of those days i think.

R0xyg4l · 04-02-2009, 01:31 PM

I'm so sorry. I know it would feel relieving to know something is wrong so you can fix it. I saw some posts about empirical care. I can't remember where I saw it but maybe it's something your MD could try if nothing shows up with the last test. I will keep my fingers crossed that maybe it will show something so you can pop a baby aspirin and call it a day!

R0xyg4l · 04-02-2009, 01:34 PM

Oh too, I wanted to mention, I just ordered some stuff called Welcome Womb from Wish Garden. Thanks to another cyster I found another community that had nothing but great things to say about it. If you're up for alternative therapies it may be worth a shot. I'd try just about anything at this point.

tcrock02 · 04-02-2009, 02:17 PM

Thnks Roxy i will check it out. I too would try anything at this point i am considering asprin therapy on my own but want to wait for the results on monday. i also have vitex but havent yet tried it...I still am awaiting the arrival from AF since the DnC. grrrr life just stinks

R0xyg4l · 04-02-2009, 02:31 PM

Have you thought about taking an OPK to see maybe where your LH level lies? I'm going to start as soon as I stop spotting (over a week now... come on be done!). I'm kinda dumbfounded because after my 16 wk m/c I asked the MD if I could benefit from baby aspirin. He kinda looked at me like I'm crazy and said no. But I wonder if it really would have helped. I switched back to my old MD office (he was the MD that did my D&C as at 16 wk my reg OB/GYN could not). I suppose I may never know...