To those who have had successful pgcy's after a loss from IC

GabrielsMom · 11-20-2004, 12:11 PM

These days, I am trying to feel hope for something... anything. I think about the holidays, my stepkids, my family.... all things that would normally make me happy.... and all I feel is darkness. I love them all, but I can't yet get past my grief. I know this is normal, but I feel like I am going to go insane if I can't think about one bright thing in the future.

I'm trying to take comfort that I can get pg again. I got pg with Gabriel my first month trying. I felt like the luckiest woman on earth, and that PCOS had nothing on me. What a cruel joke.

I think about pregnancy in the future, and it doesn't give me hope. It just makes me SCARED. It seems that cerclages work. That's great news. But 9 months in bed? How is that supposed to make me feel better? I'm not even sure if bedrest is what I'll need. Some doctors told me that I'd need bedrest, some docs said I'd just need to keep physical activity to a minimum. 9 months without sex?

yikes. Along with my dreams of having my baby in April, my dreams of a normal pregnancy have completely shattered. How does anyone have more than one child if pregnancy requires bedrest?

I have so many questions and so many fears. People say not to worry about these things yet. But if that is the only thing that gives me hope for the future, how could I NOT think about it?

SheriKCMO · 11-20-2004, 12:25 PM

Adrianne,
I'm so glad that you are looking ahead. I agree that having something to shoot for that might give you some joy is the only thing that can hold a person together on the bad days.

Since My Little Honey is past the terribly questionable stage and is heading toward term now (no guarantees, of course) I feel able to answer this post. Part of me is still skeptical and will remain that way until I hear this little one scream.

My point is that it CAN be done. I had my cerclage put in at 13 weeks. Up until then, I was on pretty normal activity and sex was fine. I have not needed bedrest, just frequent u/s of my cervix to make sure it's not opening up and I'm not having contractions. Some moms have bedrest, and you just get through it. As for the pelvic rest (nothing going in there), we are too scared to even try it anyway. It gets a little frustrating, but amazingly enough, we are really focused on the baby and just enjoy other kinds of intimacy. I plan to add some stretching and very light exercise over the next several weeks so that I'm not a total blob by the end. If I feel anything weird, I immediately call the doctor. So far, so good with my pregnancy this time. I know I would not have made it without the cerclage. The stitch comes off around 36 weeks or so, and moms can go into labor anywhere from immediately to after 40 weeks. It seems like I see it happening a lot around two weeks after the removal. At that point, we are considered completely normal delivery patients.

Pregnancy and grief are hard together. I love this baby but want Mary Catherine too. They are totally different babies, and now this one is nearly three times the size she was. It's just hard. It helps to hear from someone who has been through it. It helps to see families who have gone on to live happy, full lives after a loss. It is almost impossible to envision that at the beginning, but it can be a tiny light at the end of the tunnel. Hold on tight to the ones who love you and love little Gabriel. They will keep you strong.
Your friend,
Sheri

kwannabee · 11-20-2004, 01:03 PM

Okay first of all Sheri i promise i'm not stalking you..sheesh!!

April i'm in the EXACT same boat as you...when i talked to my dh about ttc-ing again after losing our twins to IC it took him a long time to get on the same page as me...and while i waited for him i did lots and lots of research into successful pregs after IC. I read of a woman who did it 5 times and had 5 babies...but you also have to know there are risks too...you have to know what youre getting into.

We hadnt decided to ttc yet but I got my dr to set me up with a pre preg consult with the perionatologist...all their talk about being not sure about me and not 'fitting into statistics' and not fitting all their criteri...i said crap...i'm not going to go through that again i INSIST on a cerclage and by god i'll hang from my ankles if i have to...

but its a definate commitment. I've read that there is a 80-90% success rate after cerclage and mobility will depend on your personal circumstances...but there are books out there (which a kind cyster sent to me after she had her baby and didnt need them anymore)...i'll get you the titles

i do know that my dh would only agree to this again if we did all we could to prevent a multiple pregnancy...and i had to really be sensitive to the fact that as a father who'd just watched his wife go through he<< and lost his little girls too...i had to nurture him as much as i had to take control of my own fertility...he doesnt read the research and stats like i do...he didnt talk to women who;d been through it like i did...he doesnt know my body like i do...i needed alot of patience with him when he'd freak out and get scared. That takes alot out of you and you need all the support you can get so you can give it to him...but like Sheri said it can be done.

There are no guarentees...i'm waiting to see if i'm even pregnant again...but i'm trying to think positive. Good luck to you whatever you decide...pm anytime if you want to chat more...

AvivaElona · 11-20-2004, 08:35 PM

Hi April,

Well I haven't had a "successful pregnancy" yet, but I am in the middle of one, and well past the IC danger zone at 29 weeks with my cervix still long and closed with the cerclage in. For me ttc again was the only thing that did give me hope and we got pregnant again astonishingly fast. I won't say it was easy at all, its been a roller coaster ride, and it is a huge commitment.

I had an early cerclage in and due to some early contracting I actually have spent this whole pregnancy from 8 weeks on modified bedrest and on pelvic rest (no sex, no fooling, no nothing). Some things though to make you feel a little better though. Bedrest really isn't THAT bad, at least modified bedrest isn't, and being put on strict bedrest is rare. Many people are able to go without bedrest at all it depends on how conservative your doctor is and how much of a risk you feel like taking. However, with modified bedrest, its just sort of been like every day is a lazy day at home on the sofa. It gets old, but its really not terrible.

I can get up, shower, make myself some lunch, sit up for meals...etc. Now at 28 weeks they are starting to let me go out more often and see how it goes. Most of the time if you do bedrest it is from when they put the cerclage in (14 weeks usually) until around 28 weeks or so when they let you get up a bit if everything looks good still, so while that's not a short time, its not the whole 9 months either. Of course some people do end up in bed for longer if they have had cervical changes. So you do have to be prepared that it could happen.

As far as another child after this...I don't know, we figured we'd cross that bridge later. I'm not sure I could put us through this again, it has been hard on my husband to have to take care of the house, we definitely would need to get help next time. However, I'm also not sure that a second cerclage pregnancy would have to be so perscribed since we know that I was ok in this one with the cerclage. Perhaps I could get away with less bedrest.

This board has been wonderfully supportive but I've also found a lot of support in checking out the Incompetant Cervix board. There are tons of ladies with success stories there and healthy cerclage babies, and many women who are going through the same thing and have answers for questions. Check it out, there is a TTC board there too, for those who are trying to conceive knowing that they will need a cerclage and will have a complicated pregnancy.

Hang in there, and don't push yourself, you'll know when you are ready to think about trying again.

Aviva

powerpuff · 11-21-2004, 12:18 AM

(((Adrianne)))

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. Having gone through the same thing myself, I know how difficult it is to not have fears and worry. I'm glad that you're already thinking about future pregnancy. I remember when I just lost my baby, all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and cry...

I guess my story could give you some hope. Last year I lost my baby also at 19 weeks due to IC/preterm labor (my doctors couldn't decide which came first). When I saw your post, it was as if you were retelling my story. This time I had a cerclage put in at 12 weeks. And guess what--I wasn't put on bedrest at all! (Except the week following the cerclage, of course.) My doctors just asked me to take it easy. Sex was OK but DH and I were just too scared to do it. So we haven't done it since I got the BFP but it's all worth it.

My stitches were removed at 36 weeks and I didn't deliver until 3 days before my EDD.

Like Aviva said, bedrest isn't that bad if you really need it. When you hold your little one in your arms, believe me it will all become distant memory. I was constantly worrying about everything. I just told myself to prepare for the worst but never stop hoping for the best. Hang in there. Never lose your faith. Good luck and hope to see you back on the PG board very soon...

Jessica

GabrielsMom · 11-21-2004, 03:18 PM

Thank you all for your responses. They have been an incredible comfort to me!

Jessica, I am also not sure if IC caused my labor or not. I know I went into PTL, that's for sure. I don't know what caused it though. The doctors say I had IC, and I'm definitely going to have a cerclage next time. I had a high leak in the amniotic sac, and I'm not sure what caused that. Only God knows, but I know I am not taking any risks next time. In any case, your story gives me large amounts of hope. I read your story late last night and I felt more peaceful before I went to sleep.

Aviva, thanks for the reassurance about bedrest. It really doesn't sound that bad. I'm just still reeling from my week on my back in the hospital. I don't know how I would have endured that for months, but it would have been a lot easier at home.

Kim, I was on the pre-ttc thread with you this past summer. My username at the time was amora. So I remember you well

These days, my DH says that we will try again whenever I am ready. And the weird thing is that he now seems to want to have more children than we originally planned on. He's extremely supportive, so we'll see how things go. At 28 years old, right now we are thinking that we will wait 6 months before trying again. I don't want to take any risks of miscarrying again, and I will want my doctor to make sure that my body is ready by checking my lining and stuff. And I'm with you on the twins thing. I'm praying that that does NOT happen.

Sheri, thanks for ALL of your supportive posts. Your story also gives me a lot of hope. And I can relate a lot to what you said about wanting this baby but also wanting your first. No matter how many kids I have, I will always want Gabriel back. I still can't believe he's gone....

AvivaElona · 11-21-2004, 10:08 PM

Quote:

Aviva, thanks for the reassurance about bedrest. It really doesn't sound that bad. I'm just still reeling from my week on my back in the hospital. I don't know how I would have endured that for months, but it would have been a lot easier at home.

Adrianne, I was also on hospital bedrest for five days. Trust me, being at home on modified bedrest is completely different than that. You are just not anywhere near that confined first of all, and you have all the comforts of home around you. Really mostly it just felt like I was hanging out being really lazy. In fact some days I'd think "what in the world am I doing just hanging around like this, I should go do something productive!" and then I'd remember I was supposed to be just lazing around.

You get sick of it, and bored, and frustrated that you don't have as much control as you'd like, and sometimes it can be lonely, but its not the same kind of awful captive waiting that the bedrest at the hospital was at all.

Hugs, I'm glad you have a plan for taking your time to grieve. I hope that when you are ready it will go easily. In the meantime, I'm remembering Gabriel with you.

Aviva

powerpuff · 11-22-2004, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by April2005
I had a high leak in the amniotic sac, and I'm not sure what caused that.

I also developed a high leak in the sac the day before I lost my baby. My doctors weren't sure what caused that either. My blood test and placenta showed no sign of infection. I don't know if you were on antibiotics but my doctors said if you were on antibiotics and you had an infection, the medication could "mask" the infection. Anyway it just sucked that after one week of complete bedrest in Trenbelden (sp?) position we still lost our babies.

I forgot to mention that you could ask to have an HSG done to see if there's anything wrong with your uterus. An abnormal shaped uterus can cause incompetent cervix.

Again, hope you'll have an easy and healthy pregnancy very soon. Until then you and Gabriel are in my thoughts.

GabrielsMom · 11-22-2004, 05:56 PM

Jessica, wow our stories are so similar!!! I was on IV antibiotics for the week before Gabriel was born - the whole time I was in the hospital. The cultures were taken after I had been on this IV for several days. But during that time, my temp was up and my white cell count was elevated. This is TMI, but the docs also noticed a bad smell when I was having bloody show - before I even tested positive for an amniotic fluid leak. I have to wonder if this whole mess was caused by a simple infection.

I'm definitely going to take your advice about getting an HSG, though. Like I said, next time I'm not taking any risks....

lifes2short · 11-22-2004, 08:00 PM

Hi ladies,
I'm actually on restricted bed rest at the moment, I am enjoying having the time to really appreciate every movement and every day towards a hopefully sucessful pregnancy. My last pregnancy resulted in prom and I was hospitalized at 18 weeks, it was a week before I delieved and in that time I was confined to bed in a tilted head down position, so after a cerledge was placed at 13 weeks and restricted bed rest is quite nice. Of course as soon as my cervix shortens I will be hospitalised. I have recently read that women that have PCOS are more likely to suffer IC, due to the hormone level inbalance(will ask my obst re that). My poor DH has not been aloud to touch me since falling pregnant, but there is plenty of time for that LATER.
Bec

mommyofangels · 11-23-2004, 02:00 AM

I am truly sorry for your loss. I am also dealing with grief from losing my daughter at 22 weeks on 11/7/04 due to IC. I was in the hospital for 13 days before I delivered her. And in labor for 17 hours and she was still born. That was the worst night of my life! I had a fever of 102, severe chills, and was vomiting throughout the night. It was so heartwrenching to leave the hospital without her, but we got to hold her that night and in the morning before we left. We named her Brooke Sierra, and decided for cremation. I have a shelf with her footprints in a frame, and her little urn, and an angel cherub, along with a poem that we were given from the funeral home that I put in a frame. I have done alot of research since getting out of the hospital on chorioamnionitus as well as IC and cerclage info. I will be getting a cerclage with my next pregnancy at 13 weeks, and then weekly appts till I deliver. I will insist on an u/s every time I go in to see the perinatologist!

It is so encouraging and inspirational to read other stories. I am so glad I found this website tonight. Support is so important to us all who have gone through losing our children, and for us to know that we are not alone.
Thanks to each of you for sharing your very personal stories.

**hugs** ~Tina

AvivaElona · 11-23-2004, 02:01 AM

Glad you are hanging in there Bec, with the bedrest and the cerclage you may never have any shortening. I haven't at all, I'm still at the same cervical length I had. I did have a tiny bit of funneling but they watched it and it went away (retreated). What week are you in now? I'll be vibing that you make it through the "danger zone" without ever haviing a problem.

Aviva

SheriKCMO · 11-23-2004, 02:36 AM

Tina,
I see that you and Aviva missed each other. She would probably like to come back and read your story. You are so right that hearing these stories and hearing about successes following our losses can really help. Some days nothing helps, of course, but on the days when we are able to look to the future, we can see that people are able to live happy lives with subsequent children, and it gives us hope.

I'm so sorry that your story ended the way it did. I was just telling Aviva tonight that we all need a time machine to go back and get the treatment we needed. It would be wonderful if we were all holding these sweet babies, healthy and alive. Instead we have to make the decision to be brave and try again with proper care or to move to adoption or another solution for building the families we would love to have. I wish you luck with that and hope you take time to grieve your daughter as long as you need. I want you to know that it isn't easy to go through another pregnancy, but that it can be done, and every milestone feels fabulous. Today is 28 weeks for me and My Little Honey, for example, so I really feel confident that he would survive even if born today. I'm sure that the average mother is not so ecstatic on such a day and is more likely disappointed in her joint pain or weight gain or something like that. We know that each day we are uncomfortable means that our babies are getting bigger and stronger.

Thank you for sharing with us. I hope to see you around often.
Take care,
Sheri

mommyofangels · 11-23-2004, 02:54 AM

Thanks Sheri!

Aviva,
You mentioned the Incompetant Cervix board, but I am not sure where that is. Is that on this website?

~Tina

VivC · 11-29-2004, 04:08 AM

It's on a different site. Unfortunately, I'm on there, too:
http://groups.msn.com/IncompetentCer...t/general.msnw

Adrianne: You know my story, but I'll recap - 22W-rescue cerclage due to IC (dilated 3", bulging). 24W-PTL/PROM. 24W6D-delivery. Rivi died the next day.

Anyway, my point of all of that is to let you know that both of us had a major infection, which is why they let me deliver rather than keeping us going. My white blood count got so high that they wouldn't risk continuing the pregnancy, no matter how much I screamed, cried, and demanded. And after Rivi was born, his white blood count was over 40,000, when it should have been under 10,000.

So I KNOW we had an infection. I'm not sure what kind, but I'm sure the placenta pathology will give us a clue. I remember somebody mentioning Group B Strep. After reading about it, I'm hoping that wasn't the problem, since it can come and go and later babies can be born infected. But the docs told me that an early cerclage would prevent any infection from getting in there at all, so there's hope for both of us!

I'm sure they sent your placenta in for pathology. Ask your doctor at your follow-up visit.