sassy82

I just have to say how frustrating it is to be infertile. I know I am so blessed to have my DS and I LOVE being a mommy....so I thought that my journey to having a 2nd child would be easier. Well, it has been a big fat bust for me. I just can't believe that we spent over 3000 bucks on meds, doctor visits that are 2 hours away from my house, gas money, and we got NOTHING. NOTHING....I spent a fortune to TTC my second child, and we decided that it was too much money, too much stress, too much everything.

So I decided to try acupuncture, and I thought about it so much that I talked myself out of it. I am just going to keep on using my NPC so I can at least have cycles and I have basically thrown in the towel until next April probably because DH works for UPS and he really doesn't want a Christmas time baby because it is IMPOSSIBLE to get time off then.

I am just feeling down......sorry for the rant....

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misskitty

Hey Lisa,
**HUGS**I am totally feeling your pain! We have been TTC #2 for 14 months now, and I seriously feel that if it weren't for my son, I would have wanted to jump off a cliff by now. I don't know how so many women stay so strong. I feel so weak and out of control every month. I am testing this Wednesday, broke down and bought a test today, even though I know it's early, but still BFN. And now I am scared that's all I have to look forward to this week.
I am totally feeling where you're coming from! Rant anytime, sweetie!
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Me - 31 DH - 31
diagnosed with PCOS 15 years ago
1st clomid cycle - 50mg - BFP
Jacob Matthew born 12/7/05 (We are so blessed!!!!)
TTC #2
7 clomid cycles - o'd on all - BFN on all
2 gonal f cycles, both BFN
Took a break, lost 26 lbs.
Trying clomid again
1st cycle - o, BFN
2nd cycle - o, BFN
3rd cycle -


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sarahgmac

Lisa: You have every right to feel frustrated. Some people get pregnant with #2 easier, but some don't. Infertility sucks big time. And it is harder when you have a child already because people tell you that you should "count your blessings" or be "happy with what you have". I tried for almost 4 years to get pregnant with this baby I am carrying now. And along the way I had the hardest time from everyone about it. And it wasn't that I was not happy with the girls I have, can't you have it in your heart to want to love another child? People didn't understand it was because I loved my girls so much I wanted another.

I had to take many breaks in the 4 years TTC. Some were forced because of money or because of family circumstances, some were just for my sanity. We actually had decided to give follistim 3 more months and if it didn't happen we were done. And on the second month of the 3 I got my BFP.

I wish I could tell you it gets better, but to be honest until I conceived it didn't. I was mad at everyone, the people who said crap, my body, PCOS, even sometimes God.

I hope you get a BFP really soon. I think IF sucks and wouldn't wish it on anyone.

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Sarah 30
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DH Patrick 31

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Inside this body lies that of a skinny woman,
But I usually SHUT HER UP with CHOCOLATE

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"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."~Mother Teresa
Madelyn (Maddie) Diane was born July 22,2008.

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Melvin'sWifey

So sorry to hear about your troubles. We have been TTC#1 for over 2 years with zero luck. It just seems like one of those things we shouldn't have to TRY so hard to achieve, when so many other women basically wake up pregnant on accident. I hope you get your BFP, lots of baby dust your way!

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Marcie- 25 Melvin- 35
TTC March 2006, DX PCOS Sept 2006
MET 1500mg since March 2008
Prenatals
HSG March08-All Clear
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DH SA-Good Count
Cycles 1-3 Clomid 50-150mg Ovulated 2 out of 3 cycles
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3 BFN's


Cycle 4 - Soy July/Aug08 120mg cd5-9~Ovulated(cd17), then AF
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Cycle 5 - Soy Aug/Sept08 120mg cd5-9


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SnowFlower

Hugs I also feel your pain.

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sassy82

Thank you all for the support. I get so sick of everyone telling me that I should be happy to have Anthony...well DUH...I just have always wanted a big family....I have always wanted 4-5 kids...which is not going to happen, but I would at least like ONE more! Anyway, I just hate that the meds cost so much, I hate that my body didn't respond like it did when I got pregnant with my DS, and I hate that I feel the way I do. Believe me, I hug my little man tighter now that I have been through the drugs again with no success.

Do any of you who have one or more kids just FEEL like you ARE going to have another baby? I just FEEL like I WILL have another baby...it's weird. I just don't know if I am just wishful thinking or what...lol

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neady

hugs that just sucks....!!! chin up though

__________________
DX-05,
TTC#1-06,
metformin 07,
BFP(22/5/08) BFN(25/5/08)chemical
clomid 1 no "O"(BFP) 13/04/08-100mg
clomid 2 no "O"(BFN) 11/06/08-100mg
clomid 3 ?? 05/08/08-100mg

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sarahgmac

Lisa: I did feel I was going to have another baby. I yearned for another child. I am not sure if you are religious at all, but I was told by my father, that maybe God had other plans for me. I actually started to believe it, and didn't know why I would want one so badly (it was an aching in my heart). So finally a friend told me that she had a friend who prayed to God to take away this yearning if she wasn't meant to have anymore. So I did just that, and my longing didn't go away, it in fact grew stronger.

The cycle I actually got pregnant, we almost quit the cycle. My DH was put in the hospital because of asthma and the start of COPD. He was even being tested to make sure he didn't have lung cancer. I almost stopped that cycle because he was in the hospital, we weren't sure if he would get better soon. (he was even on oxygen when he came home). But we decided that we wanted this child and what if this was the cycle I would have gotten pregnant. So we continued and we got our BFP.

We had also decided that if the fertility treatments didn't work we were going to adopt. Actually, I always wanted 5 kids myself. But with all of the medical problems with this pregnancy and the fact that I will have had 3 c/s once I have Maddie, the OBs would rather me not get pregnant again. If we have anymore after this baby, we will adopt.

But then again I am going to have my hands full with 3.

I do believe that if you have it in your heart, you should follow it. That is what I did.

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Sarah 30
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DH Patrick 31

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Inside this body lies that of a skinny woman,
But I usually SHUT HER UP with CHOCOLATE

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"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."~Mother Teresa
Madelyn (Maddie) Diane was born July 22,2008.

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sassy82

Sarah: Thank you so much...I am not super religious, but I think that things happen for a reason. It is just so hard to imagine my little DS with no siblings...I just feel so bad that my body didn't cooperate like I thought it would. It just sucks when you KNOW you CAN get prego, and you just don't. My last medicated cycle, there was THREE mature follies and we didn't catch ANY OF THEM! The cycle was EXACTLY like when I got pg with my DS and I was so upset when we didn't get the positive outcome....
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sarahgmac

The cycles I didn't get pregnant I had 5 mature follies and pretty high progesterone levels (in the 30s and 40s). The cycle I got pregnant we had 3 mature follies and a low progesterone (13.75). I thought that the cycle was a bust for sure.

The way to look at it is that a woman who doesn't have PCOS and ovulates every month takes about 6 months to get pregnant. We get upset when we ovulate and don't get pregnant, but we have to make ourselves ovulate. I got pregnant on my 3rd round of follistim (2nd in a row). I was lucky though we had insurance that covered the majority of the costs.

I hope it happens for you soon. I was always devastated to get a BFN.

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Sarah 30
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DH Patrick 31

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Inside this body lies that of a skinny woman,
But I usually SHUT HER UP with CHOCOLATE

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"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."~Mother Teresa
Madelyn (Maddie) Diane was born July 22,2008.

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