Time to move on...need input.

mamma_buddha · 10-07-2006, 05:06 PM

I was diagnosed with PCOS in about 2000. I have been with and married the same man for 14 years. We have two children that were conceived very early in my life, pre-PCOS. Earlier this year my (not so) DH left me. He decided he didn't love me anymore and moved on to someone else. The issues I had with PCOS never really were issues because it all happened during the course of our marriage. And my symptoms weren't as severe as others on here. Basically I have the hair on the chin, chest, and abdomen, the weight around the middle, and of course now the infertility. My ex said I was still beautiful and he found me attractive despite the issues, as long as my chest didn't get as hairy as his, he was fine. Razors and wax were my best friend anyways, and he knew that. Recently I have found someone else that I would perhaps like to spend my future with. He is open and honest and caring and very understanding. He does not have any children of his own, but would like to someday. He has come to accept though that he might not because as he says his time is running out. He is 41. He knows that having a child with me might not be a possibility and he is fine with that. He knows that I might have to go on chlomid in order to conceive, and I'm ok with that. I'm still young enough to be open to the idea of another child, as long as my health comes first as I am diabetic. My doc on that issue says as long as I continue to keep things under control it shouldn't be too big of an issue. Anyways, this new love interest knows that I haven't been able to conceive in 12 years, but doesn't know why. We have not yet become intimate, but I do know it's coming. My dilemma is how do I tell this man about my PCOS without grossing him out? Like I said, wax and razors have been my best friend, but I don't want him walking in on me while I'm taking care of the hair on my boobs and getting freaked out! I hate to send him to a website or something that talks about the horrors of male pattern baldness (I do not have), acne (don't have that), and the abnormal hair growth (I love my wax!). Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to go about telling him? Has anyone been in my situation where they've had to tell someone new about it or they have been told from someone else? I want to move foreward with this and so does he, but I feel I need to tell him before anything further happens, and I'm at a loss for words. Help!!!

ickle pands bf · 10-07-2006, 09:02 PM

hey there lass,

I am the BF of a cyster who told me from the outset of our relationship of the condition that she has. Now we were friends before we started the relationship so kinda knew about it before.

One thing i could suggest is that you explain quite well what you suffer from in your post, maybe sit him down explain the basics and then let him read your post???

Just a thought, it might help ya without having to go through it all over again..

Let me know what you think

K

*~SugarPlums~* · 10-07-2006, 10:46 PM

I think you should tell him but not get into all the 'hairy' issues (pun intended).
I would tel him about the possible cyst, and anovulation issues, hormone imbalances, harder to lose weight etc. He will eventually find out about the hair but that imo is more a vanity issue. I would just leave the hair issue out. He will probably look into what you have and find out that way too. I never outright told my husband 'I'm hairy because of the pcos', he knew and didn't say anything about it.
I don't announce it to my dh when I shave my legs or pluck my eyebrow, but he knows I do it. I know that hursiutism is part of pcos for many of us, but we could chose to keep it to ourselves lol. good luck!

mamma_buddha · 10-09-2006, 03:02 PM

Thank you for the input. I look forward to hearing more. Hopefully soon I will tell him and everything will be ok. It's more of an embarrassment thing for me and it probably won't even bother him, but I do want him to have some idea of what's going on on the vanity side. Thanks for your help!

Pocogirl2006 · 10-12-2006, 07:33 AM

i would tell him you have PCOS, good luck and keep us posted

flubby · 10-20-2006, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamma_buddha

Has anyone been in my situation where they've had to tell someone new about it or they have been told from someone else? I want to move foreward with this and so does he, but I feel I need to tell him before anything further happens, and I'm at a loss for words. Help!!!

Tell him you have a health issue you would like to discuss with him. Tell him he might not be able to cope with all the symptoms but you would like to give him a chance then just tell him you have PCOS which has a few cosmetic symptoms and a risk of fertility problems. Then ask him what he thinks about that.
If you do it quick and don't dwell on it he will just think in terms of facts. He won't know how he feels about the hair until he does or doesn't see it. Lots of men really don't care about it I have found. They seem to know women do a million things to make themselves attractive, they don't seem to be in the least surprised that beard removal and other hair removal might be a part of that

Fertility issues are very hard to raise early on in a relationship but just say you want him to know it might not be easy.
Good luck!

Purple_monkfish · 10-21-2006, 07:18 PM

I've never ONCE had a man complain about my hair.. My tummy is so fluffy... my current pets it and calls it my fur... bah... terrible thing is, my taste in men means i've always been HAIRIER than any of my partners! it's ridiculous.. they're all lovely and hairless and i'm all gross and fuzzy... however, i've never bothered telling them before they've gotten my shirt off... if they're put off by it, then well.. that's their problem. None have ever had an issue.. they take it in their stride. Later on I explain what causes it.. though usually I explain this when they see me taking my met... i'm comfortable enough with my body and relationships that I don't see a reason to really be that paranoid. Sure I keep myself plucked and the worst of it dealt with... but even if I let myself go a bit, my man will never complain... I just tell him "if you want me to pluck my chin, go shave you bastard!" hahaha

to be completely honest, most men are fairly laid back about excess hair. It's women who have the issue

Chas1975 · 11-14-2006, 08:40 PM

I was reading this thread and came up with a really funny way to tell him. See, I use humor and sarcasm as a defense mechanism. So, I think if I had to tell my guy about it I would explain the basics of the condition and then end it by saying, but don't worry, I don't have a penis or balls. Sorry, it just came to me. LOL I can't help myself.

glen t · 11-14-2006, 10:57 PM

i am a pcos hubby i knew before i married her and it did not bother me a bit even when she told me it might be hard for us to have a child i cant speek for all men but the way i feel is i love my wife and if we cant have a child that will not change the way i feel about her i love her more than life itself i know to my wife it is very stressfull that we are having trouble if we cant have children it is Gods will i will not question it i know she feels strongly about wanting to give me a child truthfully i would love to have a child but if it can not be i will still be happy life is not about what you have but the love that you share

joyblack · 11-24-2006, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chas1975

I was reading this thread and came up with a really funny way to tell him. See, I use humor and sarcasm as a defense mechanism. So, I think if I had to tell my guy about it I would explain the basics of the condition and then end it by saying, but don't worry, I don't have a penis or balls.

I think that's a great way to do it. That way he knows he's liable to find assorted "male" features other than penis or balls. At least I think an enlarged clitoris escapes the definition of penis :-)