Today is the Day.

JuliannePCOS · 07-12-2005, 08:46 AM

Today is my Due Date.

Hopefully it will be uneventful and like every other day.

Wish me luck. Strength vibes needed, please.

deb_e_deb26 · 07-12-2005, 08:57 AM

{{{hugs}}}

. I wish you all the best for today and i am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts. Take care

TracyW2 · 07-12-2005, 09:03 AM

{{{HUGS}}}

I wish you luck for this hard day. Try to do something to pamper yourself and do something for you baby.

I have yet to do anything for mine, but I am really wanting to plant a dog wood tree.

~tracy

saluki_fan · 07-12-2005, 12:36 PM

(((hugs))) on this day.

I sent you a PM before I even saw this thread. Just so you know I was thinking of you.

Meghan

GabrielsMom · 07-12-2005, 12:37 PM

Julianne, I'm sending you warm wishes and thoughts today. I know that it is so hard

I'm thinking of you and Scooter...

Adrianne

kwannabee · 07-12-2005, 12:41 PM

Julianne...lots of hugs coming your way....

kim

Stacie9778 · 07-12-2005, 12:52 PM

(((hugs)))

JuliannePCOS · 07-12-2005, 01:05 PM

Thanks guys.

lovelyinkedlady · 07-12-2005, 01:10 PM

may you find a small token that peacefully reminds you that though he isn't here physically, he's here with you as an angel always on your shoulder.

JuliannePCOS · 07-12-2005, 02:11 PM

My journal entry for today......

***
Well, today is your due date, baby.

So far, it's been pretty uneventful. It was bright and sunny yesterday.... and today it's cloudy and dark. I talked to your grandpa today and he sounded a little choked up when I replied to his "why do you sound a little down?" question. He was so excited to meet you. He wasn't the most attentive father for me, but he was very very excited about now having the time to spend with a grandbaby. He retired a few years ago and I think he realized he missed out on a lot of cool stuff when he was working so hard to support his family.

I was so mad on Thanksgiving when he let the cat out of the bag about you to everyone. I was only 7 weeks along and had already had 2 ultrasounds because of bright red bleeding and clotting. I didn't want to have to "un-tell" anyone and I certainly wasn't ready for the pity that everyone still seemingly has for me. Maybe he had more hope than I did. Maybe he didn't realize how grave the situation seemed. Somewhere in my heart I knew that things weren't going well and I shouldn't get excited.

Maybe in some parallel universe, you are being born to someone who looks just like me. Maybe, if Heaven even exists, they are having a little birthday party in your honor with little party hats and a cake with a train on it or something like that. Hopefully, you're all settled in and you've made friends with some of the angels of the ladies I have met on and off line that have become so special to me. Sometimes I think that, maybe they are angels too. You never really know, right? Maybe they have an internet connection in Heaven.

I hope that I can be as comforting to them as they are to me. As I've mentioned, I really don't know how I'd get through this if it were 30 years ago and there were no internet support groups or if miscarriage were still a very very shushed sort of subject. Just knowing that others know what I feel helps so much. Reading their stories... seeing the pictures if they posted them... reading their journals to hear how their life is changing and how each day seems to bring them closer to some sort of understanding of such a horrible and crazy situation.

Last week, Dr Martin put me on a new medication at my request. It's supposed to be used by type II diabetes people, but it's also something that will help with my insulin resistance and ovary functioning. The Clomid sucks and I think it's time to make some healthier changes in me. So, because of that, I've joined a new group that deals with PCOS and people talk about the new medicine, too. There are so many nice ladies there that already care about you!

I don't know what I've going to do today, but I don't think I want to be home too much. So many things remind me of you, sweetheart.

Love,
Mom

MommyOAnna · 07-12-2005, 02:30 PM

{{{Julianne}}} I am so sorry, I will pray/hope the best for you today. We all love you here...and just always remember you are never alone!!

SheriKCMO · 07-12-2005, 02:59 PM

I hope that today ends up being peaceful for you, and I hope that this special day isn't just painful but more meaningful instead. We planted a tree on Mary Catherine's due date, and for me it symbolized the beginning of a life that will last many decades since hers did not. Some people find it easier to simply distract their attention to something else on these days so that there isn't time to stew over how horrible it all is. Let us know what works out for you, okay??
~~~ Strong Mom Vibes ~~~

JESS4HOUSTON · 07-12-2005, 03:07 PM

I dont know what to say all I have are ((((HUGS))))

JuliannePCOS · 07-12-2005, 03:41 PM

So far I've done a lot of cleaning. I hate cleaning.

At least I'm productive. *sigh*

I think I'll be ok.

Thank you all for your support!

luvbug00 · 07-12-2005, 04:11 PM

I wish you the very best and hope you find peace. I know this can be a very difficult time. Please know others are thinking about you, helping you silently, with this profound loss. I am very sorry for your pain.

Hugs, Staci