I just really feel the need to vent right now, I apologise for taking up space in the board. Maybe someone else is going through this very same thing, and would like to have a chat...
Tomorrow, the 23rd... I should have been 2 months pregnant. I miscarried on the 23rd of May... and I am feeling it very hard already. Tomorrow will be hell, I feel it now. I am filled with anger and pain once again, knowing that I should have already seen my beautiful baby, heard the precious heatbeat & had a due date... all of those wonderful things a pregnant woman looks forward too. *sighs*
But instead now, all I remember seeing of my pregnancy, are the 3 tiny blood clots that were my baby. I feel so empty, alone, and my heart aches. My arms ache, and in a sense my womb aches... if that makes any sense... My whole body, heart and soul miss my baby... I am feeling so overwhelmed with the loss today, like I can't breath... much like when I found out my baby went to heaven.
I did ok the first month, I cried a little... but I was able to move past, and carry on with the day. But today for some reason, its just really overwhelming...
My hugs & prayers are with all of my cysters, if anyone is having an especially hard day today... I am with you.
*** I had to edit this, I had the time frame confused.. I originally said I was supposed to be 3 months along, but its in fact 2 months. Sorry!!! ***
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On a TTC break...
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Last edited by HopefulCyster; 07-25-2006 at 07:01 PM.
Kimberlymarie-I am so sorry that you feel this way. I am still feeling very simular. I think and cry about my baby everyday. There was a few days where I did not cry and I felt guilty because I did not cry. (If that makes any sense). I was not on the computer last night otherwise I would of responded sooner. I was reading poems I have collected which sometimes makes me feel better.
I read the poems because from what I can sense from you I have know sono pictures to remember my baby. DH and I did get to see the babies on the screen though during my IVF transfer and I keep thinking how lucky I am to have that memory. (Which I just though of the other day). The other day I went to a scrapbooking store and bought a small album I plan to put the poems in. This is what is helping me for the moment. (along with a therapist!) I hope you try to have the best day you can and I am here if you need me.
Kimmy,
Sorry to feel you are feeling so bad, i know how you feel I get waves of it every now and again.
You can e mail me or pm me if you want, i will send you a pic of a very merry me that was taken yesterday, that should give you a laugh!
Anyway, take care care and chat soon
Alice
xxx
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Started Lighter Life 07.07.08
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I know exactly how you feel, hun... All I do is sit and cry and think "WHY ME". Why do we have to lose our babies we wanted so badly? Why did it have to happen to us? And somedays I feel like what is the point of being here. I know my life has a purpose, what is it? If you ever want to talk, just send me a message. take care hun.
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Skylar Jayden~Forever in our hearts~ m/c July 2006
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Diagnosed with PCOS Jan 2006
Provera~10mg Metformin~2000mg Feel free to add me on Myspace
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Thank you everyone, it means a lot to me to have all of you. Its been a really crappy day, and I am now headed to bed. Its only 9:30pm, but I am just completely drained.
I am so thankful for all of you, God Bless you all!
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Kim..I know how you feel. I have had two miscarriages since October '05. The first one around 6 1/2 wks and the 2nd one back in May at 7 wks. I got PG back in October and I should have been delivering this month. Then I got PG again in April and now when Christmas comes around I have to once again go through the fact that I should have been having a Christmas baby. I know how you feel completely! Hang in there! It does get better. I'm still in limbo from May. I waited to m/c and never did, so I was given cytotech and that didn't cause me to m/c only put me in excruciating pain for a week, and then I went through a very painful and difficult D&C. It's almost been 2 months now since the D&C and rather than being able to put things behind me, I still haven't had a period and found out why on Friday. My HCG level is still not negative. UGH!
Hang in there!
__________________ dx PCOS: 10/19/04
m/c 12/05 and 5/06
myomectomy 9/06
BFP 1/22/07
2/21/07- surgery to remove corneal pregnancy and right fallopian tube. :-(
BFP 11/3/07!!!!! 1st beta=812(18DPO) 2nd beta=2261(20DPO)
Kaitlyn Elizabeth born 6/20/08!
6 pounds, 19 inches long @ 36 weeks
It's a GIRL!!!
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Kim-You said it best when you said.... "this really sucks"! I have been pregnant twice and both have resulted in m/c. The latest was just last week (on the same day I got my positive beta). I've cried to the point of running out of tears some days. RE has put me back on the pill so that my period doesn't get all screwed up while he runs every test there is (on me & dh). Hopefully we will get some answers.
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Cindy (37) Ryan (37)
m/c 3/03 7/06
5th round clomid (100mg cd3-9) HCG, IUI...BFP 11/9/06 7-11-07 Katie Lou arrived via c-section at 3:04 pm 8lbs 1.5oz 20" long
not preventing, no meds, just good old fashioned BDing....BFP 4/4/08 11-21-08 Owen Lee arrived via c/s at 1:54pm 8lbs 1oz 20.5" long
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Kim, you are definately not alone. I have my good days & my bad days. And when I have bad days-they are bad. This is a very emotional time for you & its OK to be sad & angry & whatever else you may be feeling.
Blessings to you.
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June 1 BFP Miscarriage June 21, 2006 (7wks 6days)
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Hello all of you wonderful women! I just can't thank you enough for the kind words, the encouragement and the support. You all show me such amazing strength, and I realize that through all of you... I will, someday, be ok. And until then, its ok for me to continue to feel horrible. I was starting to wonder if I needed to seek therapy or something... but I guess its all part of this rotten process.
I am SOOOO terribly sorry for all of your losses, you are all in my prayers. I don't know if this will help any of you... but I thought of it last night before I fell asleep... it brought me some peace, and made me smile... Even though my baby is gone, and it hurts like hell.... at least I can rest assured that my child is in heaven, with Jesus, happy, healthy and at peace. And he/she watches over mommy and daddy, until that time in which we can meet again.
God Bless you all!!!
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Kim, there are certainly hard days!! I'm so sorry! We each have our milestones, and I never really think about the three month point, but that should be a time of celebration that we made it to the "safe" time, etc. I totally understand why it would be hard. And grief is truly a roller coaster. I hope you have some up time for a few days and can catch a breather. This is hard work to get through it!! Best wishes to you.
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Tomorrow 
***HUGS***
