Trouble with intercourse. Anyone else have this?

Libra_chick · 11-03-2009, 06:06 PM

I feel so alone. I finally find a site where everything is about PCOS, which I do have. But no one seems to have trouble with intercourse. It is sooo painful, it's hard to describe. Is it just me or is there anyone else out there who has the same problem? I have also have very low libido. Anyone else have that?

Oh, I also have a friend with PCOS and she can have intercourse, but she doesn't like it. She has no libido.

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Alrighty then...here's some editing because I obviously did not explain much above.

I do use condoms, they were Trojan latex, but I switched to Durex Avanti Bare polyisoprene because I have an allegy to latex. The Durex box says somehing about induced delayed hypersensitivity(also called 'Type IV allergy' and 'allergic contact dermatitis'). Since my partner and I switched, sex seems to hurt less.
I also use an 'all-natural' lube. It is not KY. It is Astroglide. I have tried KY and it thickens up too quickly.
Sometimes I will be very lubricated on my own, but still use synthetic lube because I know I need it. After only 5 minutes or so, it will be dry again and I do not know why.

Though these polyisoprene condoms seem to help, they are not the solution. When I first had trouble with intercourse, I did not use condoms. I was on Yaz birth control. A very important thing to know about Yaz is that it can make you VERY depressed

Even after I quit using Yaz I could not have intercourse. I honestly believe that Yaz could be the reason I cannot have normal intercourse today.

I have talked to two OBGYNs and neither of them have really been of any use. They just keep telling me that there was a doctor who used to be at that office who was more experienced with vaginal pain.
I was 17 when I lost my virginity. I only had intercourse for 2 months, then the pain came. I had sex pretty much everyday, all day and was basically a nympho. And then WHAM! The pain started out mild and became increasingly worse.

I am now 20 years old and have probably attempted to have sex only 30 times or so in the past 3 years. And it really makes me sad that I cannot help my fiance (who is 20 as well). I mean, I don't even have the desire to help him out anymore with non-penetrative sex. And of course, this makes him think that I don't think he's wanted or attractive. And that is not the case. I love him soo much! Plus, he looks like Johnny Depp. Who would kick that out of bed?! Ha!

He is my only sexual partner by the way. He is circumsized. His penis was about 8 inches long, but now it's probably about 6-7 inches long. I would say it is kind of wide, but I have not measured it. I would guess it is 1 inch to 1 1/2 inches across. In response to joyblack, I disagree about the circumsized penis dealio. His head is not hard or dry and he claims it is the most sensitive part of his penis. The position that works the best now is me being on top because I have the control. My favorite position was doggy style, but now, it hurts the most. I do masturbate sometimes, but it doesn't help much when it comes to actual intercourse.

The pain itself is hard to describe...it's different every time. Sometimes it burns, but most of the time it feels like I'm too tight and sometimes dry or I'm being stabbed.

Anything else I need to add?

Mary237 · 11-03-2009, 10:11 PM

You're definitely not alone! Intercourse is painful for me as well and I never have the desire. (My poor husband!).

My libido is totally zero. It basically got like that when I came off BCP. I guess it's PCOS related - hormones and whatnot. I don't understand why though. It's REALLY frustrating and it also sucks b/c I know it's hard for my husband to understand. I know this isn't much help, but know you're not alone!

Samie · 11-04-2009, 01:01 AM

If you are having pain during sex, I would recommend you talk to your doctor about it, because it can be a symptom of more than just normal PCOS stuff.
Uterine fibroids, polyps, large cysts, endometriosis, infected fallopian tubes, etc. are all causes of painful sex.
As far as the low libido, have your hormones checked out, because your ratio may messed up.

lunamoth5 · 11-04-2009, 01:41 AM

i would check out the doc for the pain. it may be a sighn of more complications. as far as libedo, look up horney goat weed, i think its on walgreens website only, but my hubb and i use it ( we both have low libedos) and it helps. especially when ttc, its kinda hard to get preg when you dont ever want to do it, lol

Samie · 11-04-2009, 01:43 AM

Lunamoth, I love your avatar! That's classic!

mip1500 · 11-04-2009, 01:45 AM

low libido here.... no pain though. def get checked out!

joyblack · 11-04-2009, 06:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Libra_chick

I feel so alone. I finally find a site where everything is about PCOS, which I do have. But no one seems to have trouble with intercourse. It is sooo painful, it's hard to describe. Is it just me or is there anyone else out there who has the same problem? I have also have very low libido. Anyone else have that?

Oh, I also have a friend with PCOS and she can have intercourse, but she doesn't like it. She has no libido.

You're certainly not alone -- lots of people have problems with intercourse. It's possibly just that on this board a significant number of us have very high libidos and enjoy intercourse more than most women.

Let's take it a step at a time and look at some of the possible reasons for painful intercourse.

The first couple of times it's painful for almost every woman -- very often it's the time when the hymen, which obstructs the vagina, is torn open, normally with bleeding.

If the pain goes on beyond the first few times, then there are various possibile reasons or combinations of reasons. Incidentally, when I use the word vagina below, I'm referring to it in the strictly medical sense, not to refer to the whole genital area, but to the vagina proper.

1. The problems can be with you

* You may have a particularly narrow vagina. That can normally be stretched without too much problem. Can your index finger and your middle finger go into it at the same time? If not, there's not much chance of a penis going in there without causing a lot of pain. If you can't get both fingers in at the same time, try with just your middle finger. Work at it repeatedly, several times a day until you can get both fingers in easily.

* You may have an obstructed vagina -- your hymen may be particularly strong and there may be bits of it stopping full penetration and causing a lot of pain. You'll be able to feel that when you get your middle finger right inside. Repeated penetration will usually lead to the remains of the hymen posing no problem, but it can be easily removed surgically if not.

* You may have a short vagina, leading to his penis hitting your cervix which can be very painful. In that case, he'll need to be careful not to go all the way in.

2. The problems can be with him

You haven't told us much about him: what his penis is like can make a vast difference. Penises come in all sorts of sizes and shapes and though most of them are between 5" and 6.5" in length, they can quite commonly be anything from 2" to 10" long and anything from 3/4" to 2.5" across.

* He may have a very thick penis Obviously it's going to be more painful trying to force one that's 2.5" across in, than it would be to push a 3/4" wide one in.

*He may have a very long penis. Generally, a 5" to 6.5" penis, although most guys seem to want to boast of having an enormous one, works well with most women. A longer one is in danger of hitting the cervix of some women and causing pain. A shorter one rarely causes problems and a penis 3" long should work easily for most couples. Shorter than that is difficult to use for intercourse, but it's possible, even with one as short as 2", if you can get a suitable position -- amazing, considering that it's not at all unheard of for a small proportion of women to have a clitoris that long and some of these are actually penile, although it's ususal to refer to them as a phallus rather than a penis.

* Is he circumcised or not? That can be of considerable relevance, because circumcised and uncircumcised penises are quite different. An intact penis has a head which is normally covered and is soft, naturally moist, and extremely sensitive. It also has its own natural lubrication. During intercourse the head is uncovered and probes into the vagina gently because otherwise the guy feels pain. A circumcised penis has a bare head of hard, dry skin without much feeling. It has no natural lubrication so you may well need to use lubrication for pain-free intercourse. Because a circumcised guy doesn't usually have very much feeling in the head of his penis they often tend to use it as something of a blunt instrument which can cause pain to the woman.

It's simply a fact of life that some couples are more compatible than others when it comes to relative sizes of vagina and penis. When a woman has a very tight vagina, then the thinner the guy's penis is, the better. On the other hand, when a woman has had a few children her vagina is likely to be much looser and a thin penis, especially a short, thin one, is likely to be virtually useless and give her no pleasure at all but slip right out in many positions. Very long penises are generally less controllable but short, thick ones very controllable. Couples have to learn to make the best use of the equipment they have -- the positions that suit one couple may not suit another because of their phsyical differences.

3. The problems can be with your techniques

* What position are you using? Every couple works out a position which is best for them, but the traditional "missionary" position works for most couples. If you lie on your back with a pillow or two under your buttocks and stretch your legs out straight in front of you, then draw back your feet, with your legs still together, until they come as near your buttocks as you can get them, then spread your legs wide open, your vagina will be about as open as you can get it and at an angle which should make for easy penetration.

* Are you using enough foreplay? It's very important for most women in that it gives the opportunity for the production of natural lubrication. Gentle rubbing of the nipples for a few minutes and gentle rubbing around the clitoris and labia will lead to natural production of lubrication and natural relaxation of the muscles around the vagina.

You say that you have low libido. Are you on any medication? Many PCOS treatments reduce the libido considerably.

I do hope you manage to get an answer to the problem, because good intercourse is a tremendously rewarding experience.

VickiP · 11-04-2009, 09:29 PM

Hi... not to get too personal, but are you turned on when you have sex? You mentioned you have a low libido. When I'm not 'turned on' during sex, it hurts because there is no 'lubrication' down there. When I'm turned on and 'wet' (sorry if this is TMI) then it doesn't hurt.

You might want to try some KY jelly or something before you go to the doctors.

Also, I hurt if I am not relaxed during sex. If I'm tense at all, it hurts, because you are making your vagina smaller. I have a small one anyways so I def have to relax.

Just a few tips!!

Though If it still hurts after trying some suggestions, you should talk to the doc.

SeesAWE · 11-05-2009, 02:37 AM

Omg I thought I was the only one!
It hurts sooo bad. Even if it's not really deep.

KWilliams2329 · 11-06-2009, 02:22 PM

I have the same problem as well - and have for years! The first GYN I told, brushed me off since I was just about 19-20. So I went to another GYN, who then put me on YAZ and did a US (found one cyst), but now 5 years later, I'm still suffering from it. Just this past week I went back in to see my midwife (who is GREAT!) and she doesn't like that I've been suffering from this for years - with no explanation from really anyone. Needless to say, I have other symptoms which lead her to believe I have PCOS. Maybe it's connected to it - but like Vicki P said, try KY Jelly or another one, see how that works. Seems to work for my husband and I. Best of luck! And my advice (besides KY) - if your doctor doesn't listen to you, keep trying of find another one! It took me a long time, but it's been worth it so far!

Samie · 11-06-2009, 04:09 PM

I just read an article in First magazine about Thinning vaginal tissue which can be caused by low estrogen (estradiol) amounts, its main symptom is painful intercourse. Certain BCP can cause this to worsen.
Those of you that have pain during intercourse may want to look into this. As this would make sense for some of us with PCOS to be affected by this, if we have an imbalance of this. (which some of us cysters do).
HTH!

randomdaydream · 11-07-2009, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joyblack

You're certainly not alone -- lots of people have problems with intercourse. It's possibly just that on this board a significant number of us have very high libidos and enjoy intercourse more than most women.

I won't deny that I happen to be one of those women. I never have a problem with my libido, BUT I have spent time deciphering what exactly turns me on. It isn't the same for every women.

For example, some women love to have their breasts touched. The foreplay should then be focused around their breasts. However, if your breasts really aren't that sensitive, then that would be pointless for you.

How often do you masturbate, if ever? Don't answer if it makes you feel uncomfortable. ^^ Masturbating helps to decode what areas of your body are most sensitive and more of a turn-on for you. Knowing yourself will help your partner too.

That's my suggestion to make intercourse more fun, though I don't have any advice about the pain. ._. Good luck!

Hannah'sPrayer · 11-08-2009, 02:06 AM

Check out this site and see if your symptoms line up. Their vaginal dilator kit was an amazing help, and very simple. http://www.vaginismus.com. Sex used to be very painful for me as well, but MUCH better now. :-)

FaithRose · 11-08-2009, 03:10 PM

yep your not alone i have moments its very painful and i am thankful my dh is sensitive to it. I also dont have a very high libido and partly its due to being very dry. The dr gave me some estrogen cream and it helped but its not a long term solution. I am so glad for this board because there are so many women just like me.For once i dont feel alone.

lulu22 · 11-13-2009, 04:16 AM

I have this problem too- especially when I'm on the pill. It feels like someone has rubbed sandpaper deep up in there against my cervix... even when I use lube... and I use a silicone based lube because it lasts longer (it's the only one that works for me). But I think it's because there are glands on the end of the cervix that made cervical mucus and those are dried up by lack of progesterone (and the pill, because it uses progestins not progesterone). So, if you aren't ovulating that could be the problem.

What type of pain is it, like friction pain on the skin surface or pelvic pain or spasming pain, or pulling pain?

-Lulu