Troubled mind

Little_Lady · 02-18-2004, 06:29 PM

Guess I might as well give up.I've really had enough of this crap.It feels like some of us are put here to struggle.I've tried so f**king hard. I really have.The past 5 years of my life has revolved around depression/hospital admissions/medication/appointmentsIt's just so tiresome now.

I've lived by myself for nearly 3/4years now.I've been on more anti-depressants than i can remember.I'm not even 21 yet, but ppl still insist I 'haven't got a clue'.I'm only young,I 'don't have a clue what its like in the real world'. they also have a habit of making me feel insignificant.Just because i'm young,doesn't mean i haven't got life experience.

I've been okay for quite a while now.Managed to hold down a job for 6mths (somehow).Got a wonderful bf.Quit smoking (early days but really trying) but today i just feel like i'm going back under. A girl at work suffered a miscarriage today and even tho were not that close it really broke my heart. Only yesterday she was talking about how excited she was at having her first scan today... She really wanted this baby. Everyone was so happy for her. Life is so cruel. The day of her f**king scan. If a 'healthy' woman like her can't carry a baby to full-term what are my chances? It's just so heartbreaking.Yesterday she was pregnant,today shes not.I don't think i could ever live again if that happened to me.

I've just got yet another bank charge thru the post. I can't get a credit card or overdraft cos my credit rating is so bad. My washing machine has broken down so i am going to work in dirty clothes cos i can't dry them in time if i hand wash them.I have no money to buy any food so i havent really been eating.Me & my bf had an argument this afternoon which hasnt helped my mood.I've just had enough.Also given up the cigarettes so i'm pretty moody at mo.Only been a day. do u think thats why ive been crying so much? cos of the withdrawal?

Sorry i should have posted this on another board.Thanks for listening x

Terri · 02-18-2004, 06:48 PM

....... I feel for you. I am not sure what to say but I know living with depression is a daily challenge. A challenge just to get up, get moving and live a normal life. All seems so dull and bleak and sometimes it is so overwhelming you just don't want any part of it.

I suffer with depression and panic attacks. I have taken and still take meds to help me get by daily. I had a miscarriage in Oct. last year and it really sent my moods into a tailspin. I was off of work for four months. I just returned last week. I was severely depressed and my panic attacks were happening all the time.

I have managed to find peace in exercise. FOr some reason the more I sweat the more my moods stabilize. Ofcourse with the help of drugs.

I get tired of thinking that I will have to take drugs forever too. I have been on them now since I was 18 or so and I am now 28.

There is no magical way of dealing with depression and I really wish I could take it away from you. It can be really debilitating.

If you want to chat though I am here.

Sending you a big ((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))

TERRI

Lendi · 02-22-2004, 11:21 AM

this is exactly where you should post this thread. anytime you need to "talk" feel free, please. that's why we're here. goodness, you're going through a lot right now. no wonder you're feeling down. i want to congratulate you on quitting smoking. great job. it might make you a little bit moody. but, it will be worth it! take it a day at a time, no a minute at a time. for this minute you can do this. you're strong, you'll be ok. each day will be easier than the day before. hang in there. Lendi