Trying for #2 or More after a Loss(es) - Oct 2007

cheereeo · 10-02-2007, 12:01 AM

Hi All. Just starting October edition of this thread.

Here's a link back to the prior month's thread if you need to catch up.
Trying for #2 or More after a Loss(es)

This thread is for those of us who are blessed to have one or more living children and now are struggling to have more after having gone through a heart-breaking loss. I know it is hard to speak about our child(ren) in threads where some cysters have not been able to have any yet for fear of hurting feelings.

Here we could talk freely about our daily struggles of motherhood, share pics, milestones, along with TTC after suffering through a loss.

danibell · 10-02-2007, 12:06 AM

Thanks you cheereeo for not kicking me out right away!

It makes a difference talking to someone who understands rather than trying to explain to someone what I'm going thru or feeling like...

Licsh · 10-02-2007, 12:59 AM

Dani - I am so sorry for your loss and you will absolutely be welcomed here! We all know what it is like to be so thankful for what we have, yet still find ourselves wanting more. Please feel free to write as much as you like whenever you need to, that's what we're here for!

sazzifrazz · 10-02-2007, 09:32 AM

Danielle-hi, welcome! Your kids are adorable!

Brenda-thanks for making us an October thread.

Jules-how did you tell DH?

bjorka7769 · 10-02-2007, 11:28 AM

Jules, congratulations! Wow on your P4 and beta! Sticky vibes coming your way.

Danielle, welcome to the group. I hope you find lots of support here. The whole site has a lot of information too. Lots of :hugs: .

I am going to go vote now (local elections/bonds). I've been sleeping horrible the last two nights. Last night DD slept with me; she's been very 'screamy' lately and I just can't handle it so I just take her and DH sleeps in the guest room. I know he wants me too, but I can't sleep with all of us comfortably in bed. I have to sleep on my back (spinal fusion.) Yesterday I was able to swim a full mile of laps again and thought I wasn't still weak/fatigued. Then I fell asleep at 7:30p and DH woke me at 9. Gah! How long before I get back my energy? I got crosshairs on my FF chart. I never got that, even during all the clomid/femara/IUI cycles, except when I got pregnant. Maybe? My temps are wonky yesterday and today though. We're still BDing since my CM is still fertile. I don't plan to test until late in October, if my temps do finally stay upward and there's no AF. I just don't want to waste test sticks or my emotions especially.

Andrea

AUZZGAL · 10-02-2007, 12:05 PM

Hi all,
Not sure if im eligable to join or not but i had a chem preg last month? It hurts so bad that after 5 years i finaly got my BFP then to lose it so quickly.
Please let me know if im in the right spot or not just need some support from women who know's how it feel's.
Take Care
Kristie

HealthyCyster · 10-02-2007, 01:58 PM

Dani - welcome to the group! I am so sorry for your loss. You've come to the right place. The group is wonderful and this site is a blessing to me.

Cheerio - Thank you for starting the October thread. Last month was my first month finding this site. So, every month a new thread is started?

I tested this morning since I'm on day 37 of my cycle. Still a negative. My cycle length is usually 32 days. I'll test again on Friday. Which is what the tests suggest to do (test after you're a week late). I hate testing... I just hate seeing those BFN!!!

danibell · 10-03-2007, 01:04 AM

Healthycyster good luck I hope you get a wonderful surprise when you test again!!

Kristie I am so sorry for your loss, and after so long!! I don't think it matters when you've lost a baby, how early or late, we all want it so bad that it still hurts like heck!

Andrea I hope you can get some rest and feel better soon!!

I hope your crosshairs are a good sign!!

As for me, right now i wish this was over, done, no more bleeding, so I can just move on. Everytime I cramp I'm reminded of what's not there, every gas bubble I know is not caused by a baby, and every drop of blood feels like my heart is pouring out of me. It hurts so bad, and I don't know what to do about it...

HealthyCyster · 10-03-2007, 11:00 AM

Dani - I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I just went through a mc in February, my first. I just wanted it to be over so I could move on to. I hope it's over soon for you, so you can try to move on.

Kristie - I'm so sorry for you loss. We've all been there before, so you are in the right place.

AUZZGAL · 10-03-2007, 07:27 PM

Thanks for your support!
Does anyone know what the chances are that im going to have another miscarraige if i fall preg again?

It worries the heck out of me as i cannot take that again it was the most painful thing ever! and believe me i have had crappy year.

dani: im so so sorry i hope it ends soon so you can move on as well it is the worst feeling in the world.........(((HUGGS)))

sazzifrazz · 10-03-2007, 08:31 PM

auz-I don't know if we are more at risk for M/C after having one. I think it probably depends on the cause. the cause of mine in unknown, and since I did have a healthy baby prior my RE seems to think it was a "fluke". When i do get pregnant again i am going to be so nervous.

Licsh · 10-03-2007, 08:59 PM

Sazzi - What cute new pics of Quinten! He is such a doll.

Auz - My doc said that unless you have had more than three miscarriages you are not anymore at risk the next time than you were before you had one. I don't know if that's really true or if she is just trying to reassure me now that I have had two m/c. I also had one healthy pregnancy so my doc seems to agree with Sazzi's that they could just be "flukes". Does not make us worry any less the next time but I think you have a very good chance of everything being okay. I will keep my fingers crossed for you!

Jules - how are you feeling? Any symptoms yet?

I am still just kind of in limbo, waiting for AF to start. I should start by next Thurs as that will be 6 weeks since I started my m/c. I am ready to move on to the next step and try again.

HealthyCyster · 10-04-2007, 12:05 PM

Sazzi - your little guy is adorable : -)

Kristie - we share a wedding anniversary date! My hubby and I were married May 13, 2000 : -)

Jules - wondering how you are feeling : -)

Tomorrow I test again. I will be officially a week late then. Tomorrow will be day 40. I'm having symptoms, but I don't trust anything until I get a BFP test result : -) I'll let everyone know on Monday the results.

emmalie2003 · 10-04-2007, 01:16 PM

Hi ladies, I have a beautiful daughter that we were really looking forward to surprising last weekend with the news that she was going to be a big sister, but started bleeding and cramping on Wednesday and found out Monday that the baby died about two weeks ago and I was having a missed miscarriage. I'll tell you a bit about myself. I'm 28, dh and I had tried for a year and a half and I was diagnosed with PCOS in May. My gp didn't know much about and sent us to a fertility clinic. I had the appt in September but we finally got pregnant on our own in July. We were ecstatic, but like I said, started bleeding at 11 weeks, 4 days and found out a few days later that baby had no heartbeat anymore and had stopped growing around 9weeks 5 days. We were devastated and i had a D&C on Tuesday.
I have a few questions for you guys, this is my first m/c and I'm trying to cope the best that I can. I have had no bleeding after my D&C. I had the initial bleeding in the hospital, but since coming home I had spotting on one pad and then absolutely nothing. Is that normal? My second question is about my husband. Hi is not the biological father of my daughter, but was with me the entire pregnancy and the only way this is not his daughter is that their DNA are different, his whole family feels that way, she is his, she is theirs, etc. But he is taking my m/c very hard and I'm not sure what direction to point him in to help. This board and one other have been so helpful, to talk to other women who have been through this is great, but he really has no resources other than me and I know he's keeping it in because he thinks it's worse for me than it is for him which is not true. I've told him yes it happened to my body, but you loved this baby just as much and you lost this baby too. I'm worried about him, he's not much of a talker about his feelings and i was hoping that you guys might be able to point me in the right direction. He hasn't been back to work yet and says he just isn't ready to face people.
I guess we both were concerned throughout the pregnancy because I haven't had any form of treatment for PCOS as my gp was waiting on advice after my fertility clinic appointment and we both read that PCOS has a much higher rate of m/c. I really want to get to a doc who knows about this and will help me get as healthy as possible before we try again and will monitor me more closely for problems.
Sorry this is so long.

cheereeo · 10-04-2007, 02:54 PM

Emmalie: I am so sorry to you and your DH. Your story almost mirrors mine in that the timing of my silent MC was almost identical to yours. Completely stinks because a few more days, we would have been telling the world we were pg! And then the kick in the stomach! I felt so empty. My DH also took it really hard. When I first heard the news, I was just empty and showed little emotion, and I think he was expecting more out of me. Day 2, I cried all day alone. (I sent my DS to stay with my mom and my DH was working.) The thing that hurt me also was to find out that my "macho" police officer husband had gone to work and when he told his sergeant the news, he just broke down in his office. (This still gives me chills today.) It is so hard for the guys because everyone is concerned mostly about the mother. If you have any friends who have gone through this who have husbands maybe he can talk to them. Shortly after our MC, a close friend gave birth to a stillborn and I know my husband offered hers a ton of support and gave him an outlet to speak (and cry) freely about his loss too. Check out this poem I sent to my friend's husband after their loss: A Poem for the Dads who have lost. . .

Healthy: I'm not far behind you. I'm CD 28 today and figure AF will be here any second. (I am usually CD 28 bleeder!) I fear the stick and won't dare test. Good luck. I hope she never shows up for you.

Licsh: In your case, I hope AF gets here soon. Glad you are so ready to try again.

Kristie: I am so sorry. I agree/my doctor feels the same way as what Licsh said about MCs and worst part for me is that my RE said they don't "count" the chem pg as a true MC--WTF????? So, in there books, I have only had one true MC. STINKS TOTALLY. Five years is such a long time; my heart goes out to you. I hope you can get another BFP soon. Never ever give up hope. Keep the Faith.