Trying to move on (current pg mentioned)

*Clarissa* · 02-08-2005, 05:48 PM

So here I am 3 days from finding out the sex of my baby, a baby I never thought I would carry this far. After two very recent losses, I thought it would be impossible for me to stay pregnant again. I hadn'g given up, just tried not to get my hopes up about this one.

So at this point I am feeling more comfortable with the thought that I may actually carry this baby to term, or at least close to term. I am still nerveous, but that is easing daily.

When I lost Alex last April I made a little needlepoint quilt which I framed. I also got a matching basket of flowers to hang on the wall beside it. I never displayed it out in my house, just in my bedroom for me to look at. When I lost Sydney only 2 months later, I couldn't even bring myself to make another quilt, even thought I always wanted to. It was just too painful.

So the flower arrangment has gotten dusty and the ribbon has flattened in it. I keep thinking about taking it down, but I could never bring myself to. Until this weekend when I was cleaning the house. I finally took the flower basket down. I really wanted to take the little quilt down too and put in in the little box in the top of my closet that also holds my hpts, a journal about both babies, ultrasound pictures, and many other little trinkets that I just couldn't throw out. But for some reason I cannot get myself to take it down. I want to move on. I will never forget, but I don't need the constant reminder. I want to put the lose of my babies in the past, and move on and enjoy this pregnancy.

Hopefully I will be able to do that very soon. My due date for Alex passed back in Nov, and my due date with Sydney is coming up next week. Hopefully after that passes I will be able to move on.

SheriKCMO · 02-09-2005, 02:46 AM

Clarissa,
I'm sorry that you have a due date coming up and you are trying to concentrate on the new baby at the same time. I know how that can be. We are simply stronger than we knew we could be. I'm glad you have us to share with because we understand and care about this kind of thing, and thankfully for most people, they have no idea. You will know when it's time, and it sounds pretty close, to put aside your daily reminders and look to the future. You have been through a lot, though, so try not to pressure yourself. You've been able to be a good mother to Noah through all of this sadness and disappointment, so you can be a good mother to the new baby, even if you are still dealing with some serious pain.
Hugs to you and for the upcoming due date,
Sheri

kwannabee · 02-18-2005, 10:55 AM

Hugs Clarissa...i know exactly how you feel.

I'm sorrounded by my girls...their pictures...dried flowers throughout my house...i still have the basinette with all their baby shower items sitting in my room...its been over a year. I think the fact that i'm still holding onto them so close to me is cuz i rely on their spirits to watch over me and this new baby...and its comforting. But ive had the same thoughts as you...and i wish i could tell you what is best...but i dont know either. I guess you just have to do whats right for you when its right...and whatever you decide...be content...no 2nd guessing.

[[[hugs]]]