Trying to understand

SandV · 06-01-2008, 12:54 AM

I am not sure if this belongs here, but it must be related.

On 4/23/08 I found out I was 8-9 weeks pregnant. At the same time, I was informed that I would not be able to carry. I had an ectopic. The first few weeks were really hard on me with major mood swings and breakdowns about not carrying to term. I started to hold myself together and "handle" the situation the best I could. During the last week or so, I feel myself on edge again. I thought it was anxiety about my post-op yesterday and next steps.
Today we took my step son and his cousins out for the day for his 4th birthday. All day I just wanted to cry. I can tell my moods are starting to effect my relationship with DH. He is really wonderful, but his way of dealing with our loss is to forget I was pregnant. He doesn't understand that I could NEVER forget I was carrying our child.
The Dr wants me to take Yasmin for 4 months until things calm down inside. I am scared cause I know how bad my mood swings were before on BCPs. At this point, I am very emotional now so I can only imagine what will happen when on BCPs.
I dont understand why things have to be this way. I keep telling myself everything happens for a reason, but I am not sure what this reason is.

Thanks for listening.

uwalcott · 06-01-2008, 06:02 AM

I am sorry for your loss and that you are going through this. ((hugs))

SandV · 06-01-2008, 12:21 PM

Thanks! Congrats on your recent BFP.

uwalcott · 06-01-2008, 12:40 PM

Thanks. I am taking it one day at a time. I believe this pg will be better than the last and I will have a healthy baby.

SandV · 06-01-2008, 12:45 PM

I will keep you in my prayers.
I see you are from Philly. Its been a long time since I have been back that way.

I haven't had mood swings in about 5-8 years from PCOS. As I have tried to watch my food intake, I found that stopped. So for me to feel this depressed is scary.

Renee3600 · 06-01-2008, 12:55 PM

SandV - I'm so sorry for your loss. I think my DH delt with our loss the same way as your DH by trying to telling himself it never happened. Don't get me wrong I have a wonderful husband, but the only time he brought up the pregnancy after I miscarried was to critize how many people I told I was pregnant. I told him no wonder I told people about it. The only time you (DH) talked about it was to critize how many people I told. I further told him when I get prenant again I probably won't tell as many people, but I'm going to tell a few close friends because God forbid I miscarry again I'm going to need more support than just what he gave me the last time.
Anyway, what BCPs where you on before? I know that Yaz is very low dose, so maybe you won't get as many mood swings as before. I hope you do well on it.

Suzi - congrats on the BFP!

SandV · 06-01-2008, 01:00 PM

Renee - I appreciate knowing he is not the only male that deals with things this way.

As for BCPs, I dont really recall - I think Ortho but since been dx with PCOS I havent taken them.

Thanks

Tummy · 06-02-2008, 02:03 AM

SandV -- I feel your pain! I am 3 weeks post-op from my ectopic, and I still have bad days here and there (today was a bad one, who knows why). My DH also doesn't seem to get it. He sees it almost as a victory, since we've never had a BFP before, and now he says we know it *could* work. But I still grieve the loss of that baby that never had a chance in my tube, and grieve with every week that passes that we can't TTC again. He deals with my teary episodes by leaving me alone, which doesn't help.

As for the BCPs, I have no advice. I have to go on it soon, too, b/c we've decided to move ahead with IVF. I figure it will help "even out" my hormones and maybe make me less emotional??

Anyway, I wanted to give you a

since I'm in a similar position.

sherlynn · 06-02-2008, 11:19 AM

SandV - I think I would get a second opinion on the BCP ..I react really bad to BCP also When we had to take a break we just used condoms & I felt so much better getting all the meds out of my system.

You had a true loss which you need to work through. Maybe going to a counsler might help give you someone to talk to.

I am so sorry for your loss.

SandV · 06-02-2008, 12:41 PM

Tummy- Thanks for the words of encouragement. I hope things get better for you.

SherLynn - I wish I could get a second opinion. Unfortunately on such a small island, there are limited resources. There are 2 other "good" GYN - one of which I was using before the surgery. The other is on "holiday" for 2 more months.

I am sure I will make it through all of this. It is just one day at a time. Now that I am finished stressing over the BCPs, I think I can start to deal with life again.

Thanks everyone

Renee3600 · 06-02-2008, 01:01 PM

SandV - It always give me encouragement with dealing with a loss and all of this TTC business when I see someone's stregth shine though. Thank you and baby dust!

SheriKCMO · 06-02-2008, 04:50 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss! Men don't grieve well, they hold it all in and make it look like they aren't upset. Eventually it will come out. I hope you two can help each other. He was probably also terrified for YOUR health and life at the time. Anyway, don't discount your loss or try to make things alright, because they are not. I am not of the belief that things happen for a reason, so don't think you have to believe that either. However you need to work through this grief journey, please do it and just look out for your heart. (((Hugs)))