TTC after any kind of M/C (scared, confused, and everything!)

TTCTeacher · 04-06-2009, 11:28 PM

I was thinking that it *might* be a good idea to have a thread where we could talk about TTC after suffering a loss. Any loss, a natural m/c, a missed m/c, D and C, etc etc.

I finally got pregnant in Feb of this year only to have Beta scores go perfectly and the first u/s too. Then the shocker-no HB...baby died and I had no idea-never even spotted a DROP!!!

My RE wants me to start TTC right away-and I will after my trip in 2 weeks, but I dont know how to feel about it. It will NEVER be the same.

How I feel:

I will NEVER have the same JOY of a BFP ( w/o intense fear)
I will NEVER get excited for a fresh cycle again with the hope of a baby
I will NEVER freak out about a stupid 2WW again!!! ( thats nothing compared to being pregnant and worried about betas and u/s)

I just want a baby so much I cant give up-but how do you try again???

If anyone thinks this is a good idea for a thread, please join me. i feel like I do NOT fit in anywhere else
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Jen

NJW · 04-06-2009, 11:51 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I found that throwing myself into a next cycle was a big help, it didnt give me a chance to dwell. (Not saying you are, just for me).

Yes, you wont have that blissful ignorance again. With my oldest child I started shopping a DAY after the ++ test. It just NEVER crossed my mind that I shouldnt. I dont have that anymore, and it is sad.

Remember though, MOST pregnancies succeed. Most pregnancies end up with babies. This isnt a life sentence, and you have to look forward, even if it is without the rose colored glasses.
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BIG HUGS!!!

CADESMOM · 04-07-2009, 12:37 AM

I am so sorry for your loss.

I just want to say of course you fit in! You fit in here, we are all women battling this dreadful PCOS.

I have been pregnant 5 times and have been blessed to have 1 that made it thorough. My son, he was my first pregnancy and he was determined to make it here. After miscarrying 4 times, there is a time when you have to ask yourself "how much longer can you keep doing this?" For me, the answer is when either I am told there is no more we can do or have a baby in my arms.

Your miscarriage was very recent and still very tender. Take sometime off to heal. You need to be in a better frame of mind before you start this journey again. I know your dr. wants you to start right away. But, are you ready to start???? You are the one who needs to dictate when you are ready.

I know I was a wreck when I got my second BFP after my first miscarriage. I was so afraid I would miscarry again and how was I going to handle it. When I did, I was so sad! I was like how can this happen again! But, I got through it and took sometime off and did it again. Unfortunately, the next two times ended up the same way. But, you can get through it! We are women and we are made of some really tough stuff. We can always reach down deep inside and pull that strength from deep in our souls and continue on.

I thank God everyday for my son. Miscarriages are very hard and there are so many gorgeous women on this board who have been through multiple miscarriages and do not have any children. They are warriors, they take time to heal and try again. You have the strength, when you feel the time is right that is when you should try again.

Do I have the JOY of a BFP? You bet...

I know it does not feel that you will have the same excitment of starting a fresh cycle for TTC and going through the 2WW. You definetly will be excited again. But, it will take time.

You ask "how do I try again?" All I can say is "you just do!"

I start IVF in the summer, so my RE can control this process. He gave me my % of getting pregnant and miscarrying. I have a 65% of getting pregnant and a 30% of miscarrying again. So, I am very nervous and scared. But, this is a chance that I definetly want to take.

When you get your next BFP you have to take it day by day. I know, easier said than done.
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You just have to say each day, "today I am pregnant and I am going to enjoy it." Try to live in the moment....

I send you a big hug...... Hang in there, you are alot stronger than you think you are. You are determined to have a baby and that gives you some crazy strength!!!!!!

Take care....

Aymen · 04-07-2009, 12:54 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had 2 m/c and although I wasn't aware I was pregnant the first time, the second time I was fully involved and connected. I also lost the baby without any spotting or cramping and with good betas. I was 12 weeks pregnant when an u/s revealed I had lost the baby around 9 weeks. It was so very tough and emotional. I literally cried for months.

I remember one of the girls on here talking to me about how she had many m/cs (I believe it was 6 or 7) and told me all that all the heart ache was worth it the moment she had a healthy pregnancy and was staring into her son's eyes after delivery. I couldn't believe that someone could be so strong after 7 m/cs, but I completely understood what she was trying to say. It's really hard to get yourself together, in a positive mentality about TTC after a m/c, but it is possible if you just believe it's will all be worth it in the end.

During the 2ww, I go through so many emotions, even wonder if I can handle a BFP and then handle being pregnant. I remember our cyster though, and her many m/c, and how she said it was all worth it to hold her son... then I take a deep breath, find some courage in me and know in my heart it will all be worth it. We have to be strong and keep ourselves positive, even when we're scared out of our minds.

Big hugs to you Sweetheart.
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Melvin'sWifey · 04-07-2009, 02:28 AM

Jen - I have been wondering about you. I don't know what it's like to suffer that kind of pain but I hate that you feel like you don't fit in anywhere else. I hope you can find the kind of support and answers you need with this thread. You are so lovely and supportive, I know a sticky baby is in your future. I just wanted to offer my support and my hugs to you and know you are in my thoughts.....

oceantriana · 04-07-2009, 12:20 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss! Personally, I have gone through 2 m/c, the first one at 9 weeks was very hard. I didn't think I would ever want to try again...but after waiting several months, I realized that trying again was something I needed to do.

Like you, because of what I've gone through, I don't feel like I fit in anywhere either. I've been searching for some place to share my thoughts and feelings...I hope I've found it here! *hugs*

Mami-n-Daddy · 04-07-2009, 01:52 PM

I am sorry for your loss. I have had some of the same feelings but I was determined. Perhaps you can find others like yourself on the loss board. I wish I had known about it when I had so many m/c. Hang in there!

R0xyg4l · 04-07-2009, 02:17 PM

Hello Jen! I'm glad you made this thread, we were discussing making one. I go to the MD on 4/10 to start my RPL bw then will go from there. I'm wanting to TTC ASAP but scared til I get some sorta results back.

For those who may not know my story.. I've had two losses. The first was completely unexpected at 16 wk. I went to my check up thinking everything was fine, but strangely enough I was very emotional that day, crying on my way in actually for no apparent reason at the time. After I went in and found out my heart was completely broken. I tried to be strong but completely broke down. I had a D&C on 10/31. We then started TTC ASAP. My MD assured me sometimes these things happen and you'll probably move on and have a healthy pregnancy. Boy, how I wish he was right. SO in February after two cycles of Clomid (one O I caught before my first AF too)... I got a BFP the day before Valentine's Day. We were ecstatic. I cried hysterically tears of joy. Everything progressed fine. We heard the hb on 3/5. I went to my OB for my first official appt on 3/20 to find no hb. With a natural m/c that took place the morning before my D&C on 3/25. So hear I am... going to get back on the horse once I can... but very scared and hesitantly.

TTCTeacher · 04-07-2009, 06:21 PM

Thanks to all the kind people who shared their stories and there condolences. I sincerely appreciate them all.

"ocean"-I am glad you found us, I see you recently joined. The more you post the easier the board is to understand, plus you can see what people write in their signatures. I am sooooooooooooo sorry for your losses. Can you share more? Were they recent? Have you discovered any reasons as to why? is your Dr. trying anything different with you now?

Roxy-I am glad you will TTc again too. here is something I never asked you....when you had your DD-were there any complications or anything strange? Did you have diagnosed PCOS at the time?

AFM_I am wondering about Metformin. I do NOT need it as I am not IR-but I am curious if I should take it anyways??? I know theres research somewhere that says it reduces the chance of miscarriage to the same as those w/o PCOS. Whats everyone's opinions? My RE said for weight and pcos he considered it not the best treatment for me as I did not come back from bw as IR-but maybe I am?

oceantriana · 04-07-2009, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TTCTeacher
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"ocean"-I am glad you found us, I see you recently joined. The more you post the easier the board is to understand, plus you can see what people write in their signatures. I am sooooooooooooo sorry for your losses. Can you share more? Were they recent? Have you discovered any reasons as to why? is your Dr. trying anything different with you now?

Hi there! I actually visited on and off here as a guest for a little while, but I thought I might find more support here than at other sites. Anyway, thank you for your condolences. After doing way too many cycles of clomid with a dr. that didn't know what she was doing (I've now found this out from my current dr.), I had a BFP in August 2008. I m/c in September at 9 weeks. My current dr., who I started seeing after my m/c, believes the m/c happened because of low progesterone. It was also at that time that I was finally diagnosed with PCOS.

Since then, we've gone through a couple months of BCP to "shut my brain off" as my dr. says. In January, we did a cycle of clomid and an IUI and got another BFP in February, but the HCG was only a 10. Two days later we retested and it was negative. So technically, they consider it a m/c, but it didn't feel as much like a m/c as the first one - which is probably kind of weird to some people. Dr. thinks that one happened because the uterine lining was too thin.

In March, my Dr. started me on Metformin and we also used Lexiprol (?? I can't remember exactly) and Follistim. Everything looked really good at day 10 but then when I went back for my ultrasound two days later, the number of follicles had gone from 3 to 10. My dr. was worried about ovarian hyperstimulation and cancelled the cycle. I've been on BCP since and am now trying to patiently wait for AF next week to start another cycle.

Whew! That got kind of long!! Thank you for asking and I look forward to being a part of this community!!

harleymaggiemae · 04-07-2009, 07:27 PM

Jen,

thank you so much for starting this thread. I understand how you feel when you say you feel like you don't fit in. I was so excited to be on the November Mommies thread, but I found out yesterday I was having my 2nd m/c and it totally sucks. Surprisingly I'm holding up well, though I'm sure I will have a meltdown at some point. I have a D&C scheduled for Thursday. My doc wants me to sit out one cycle before we start ttc again.

Having a m/c totally changes things in my eyes. I want a baby more than anything and I know that I am willing to go through this heartbreak again. But, I think after the first one last year, i must have prepared myself for the potential loss better than I thought. With the BFP in March, I had convinced myself that this was THE one. We were at a better place in our lives - new house, new job, etc and the timing was much better for us. But, last week I was told things weren't progressing as they should and I should give it one more week to see what happens. Yesterday I was told my sac was overly large and there was no fetal growth.

I will never look at a BFP the same way again -- I will always have some excitement and hope, but it will never be the blissful ignorance that I had the first time. My dh and I even said today that I will just tell him I got a BFP and not talk about it again until after the first u/s. Even then I won't relax (not even fully) until the end of the first trimester.

Again, thank you for posting this thread -- I'm glad to join you.

oceantriana · 04-07-2009, 07:53 PM

Oh, harleymaggiemae - I'm SO sorry to hear about your second loss!!! You are being stronger than I would be if I were you...

TTCTeacher · 04-07-2009, 09:02 PM

Welcome harley ( which feels stupid to say b/c no one should HAVE to be welcomed to such a badtopic) However I am glad we came here and maybe we can share info and support one another to our sticky BFP's!

I too had a chemical m/c in Nov but it was before my lap/hys so we all thought the HUGE polyp I had remeoved form my uterus was what was preventing me from getting pg so when I got pregnant the FIRSt cycle after the surgery I was certain this was it! (I wasnt oo sad over the chemical because we found out it was a chelical after the fact so I never really had a BFP)

This time we also had better timing-both working, bills in better order, stability, etc. Then to go in for a routine u/s to see no HB was shocking and life altering.

My Re wants me to have sex and see what happens til after my vacation on April 18th, soooo I feel twinges and stuff in my ovaries today and there was some clear (I think) dishcarge so we are going to BD tonight and for the next few just in case. I know its a long shot as we need IUI due to male factor but might as well see, right??? IM not really in the midset ot try again but the RE says after a m/c can be optimal timing for my hormones....so he says but I have never ovulated without femara or follistim, so I doubt it. Met didnt do chit for me either
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When are you girls seeing your RE's again? Have they given you a plan yet?

meggy · 04-07-2009, 09:50 PM

jen , im sorry for ur loss and i know what ur going thru coz im going thru the exact same thing......i had a missed m/c at 7 weeks and i waited to mc. naturally -finally did at 12 weeks(16 days ago) ........ i know ill be scared when the next bfp happens......but now im at the point where i do want to try again-initially i didnt want to even ttc , for a loooong time.....i do think time helps- it never takes the pain away , but u feel more ready to ttc and take life as it comes.....give urself time , and im sure ull feel stronger and more ready......

as for me....its almost like all my free time is spent thinking about what is in store for me......esp coz my dh doesnt want me going back to clomid just yet- wants that we ttc naturally for sometime-he believes the pregnancy would be healthier if it were natural- i have misgivings coz we tried naturally and it didnt work- i dont trust my body enough to go without clomid- i just want to wipe this pain out asap-wipe it with a BFP asap........this way ,i dont know if and when itll ever happen.....

i m/c naturally over 2 weeks ago....am still bleeding a little (spotting)......but my ovaries have been killing me, i havent used opk coz we were told not to try this month...but ive heard any kind of pregnancy increased ur fertility.....so im not sure what exactly is happening down there , but i hope i can get my bfp soon.....i need that hope to go on .....to get back to ttc again.....

sorry , turned out to be kind of a rant!.....but ive kind of just been bottled up recently..

i hope u feel better soon

harleymaggiemae · 04-07-2009, 10:00 PM

As I mentioned, I think I had somewhat prepared myself this last week for the impending m/c. I can't say I had a bad feeling, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get my hopes up. I don't know if deep down I knew, or if I was just burned from the last m/c. I have a friend from the November mommies thread (whom I've invited here) who recently had a m/c as well. Her case was a little different - she saw the hb and then went back and nothing. That would be so devastating to me. I know seeing the hb would make me fall in love with that child in an instant.

For now, we're going to take this opportunity to work on us. We have a great relationship, but the baby thing can be stressful! We'll get our finances in better order, maybe do a little traveling and just enjoy ourselves.

I'm going to request that I be put on the pill this month I'm sitting out. When we were ttc recently, I went in for my baseline scan and had a huge cyst on my ovary. I was put on Yaz for 2 weeks and it shrunk it by more than 1/2 and I got a bfp the next round. So, I know I don't "o" on my own and no sense in having to use provera, I feel the pill is being more proactive -- it guarantees a cycle and it manages my hormonal cysts.

I'm not on Metformin either -- I was/am overweight (though not obese). Right before the bfp I had lost almost 20lbs. I'm going to continue to try to lose (goal of about 15-20 more) while we are ttc. Femara and Ovidrel were the magic trick for me this time, so hopefully that will be the trick we can have again a month from now.

I'm still feeling a bit numb (or maybe even removed) from the situation. I hate that the baby making process has to be so timed - it takes all the fun out of it. But I know we'll all do what we need to do to get the bfp and the sticky baby!