Unsure

utgrrl82 · 05-17-2009, 03:51 PM

I am pregnant again... No just kidding. Have not had sex in over a year. Thought that would make you laugh.

For the last few hours I have been sitting here with my son playing and watching his little mind work and I started to think of some things that have been bugging me. And you guys get to hear them.

You guys know I am a very optimistic kind of person. I look at the positive in most everything and everyone. Lately I have been unhappy. Not depressed but unhappy. There is a big difference.

A few nights ago me and a friend went to that party with some people she knew. It was kick ass but at the end of the night she asked one of the guys if I was hot and if he would "tear this ass up". Of course the guy said yes and acted as though he thought we were inviting him. Now, MOST guys if they want to have sex they don’t care what the girl looks like or who she is. They will just have sex. I turned him down because for one I do not know him and the last guy I slept with who I did not know very well got me pregnant. I love my son to death and would not take that back. But.... since being pregnant I do not feel the same.

My confidence is down. Another part of the reason I did not sleep with the above guy is because I kept thinking I just had a baby and I look like **** and you wouldn't want to touch this... and my thoughts kept going like that. I kept picturing him running when he would see me with me clothes off lol. Yeah a bit dramatic and this is not my normal self.

I know a big part of why I feel this way is my sons’ father. We live together (for only 1 more month) and agreed we will never be together as that would never work out among other reasons but also since I was about 4 months preg he won’t touch me. I don't want to sleep with him at all but he seriously will not touch me. Like I have some infectious disease. That makes me feel bad enough. And then he will bring his girlfriend over and go into his room and have sex. It’s annoying when you blast the TV and can still hear them. When they are done his girlfriend literally runs out the door so she does not have to face me though she knows I don’t care. Mesha can attest to that.

Before I did not have to do much and guys would look at me and I would get some attention but now guys ignore me even when baby is not with me and if I try to talk or even flirt it usually ends with them making an excuse to leave and then they do so. I don’t feel sexy anymore. I don’t feel wanted or needed.

I need to get back to myself again and I don’t know where to start. Any ideas?