Unsurprised, but still ticked off.

Robin G · 11-12-2009, 02:29 PM

Hello, I'm Robin G, and I have PCOS. ("Hi, Robin.") Let me see... what are the basics?

Well, I'm 26, and starting to feel it. Yesterday I walked for three miles, and I didn't stretch afterwards. This morning I thought I'd been hit by a truck. On the plus side, being 26 means it's been ten years since I was 16, and as far as I'm concerned I can't get enough distance from that time. Ick.

I knew something was wrong with me since puberty. My periods were very, very irregular, I'd get terrible pains, and... well, call it a sixth sense, but I could just tell something wasn't working right. Like my body was a skipping record that couldn't get settled into the right track. My (useless) general practitioner didn't think it was anything to bother about, though.

I've been married to my husband, The Wookiee, since 2005. He's the best man I've ever known, and I'm almost disappointed to be putting so much effort into polluting his gene pool. (Nothing but strapping health on his side; my family history is crawling with cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and psychiatric breakdowns. His chromosomes will prevail, right? Right??) We live in the Midwest with three cats who would not be remotely happy if we succeeded with this whole reproduction business, but luckily, they don't get a vote.

We've been trying, with varying degrees of intensity, to have a baby since shortly after we married. That hasn't so much happened.

I'm a nanny to an 18-month-old called The Gambit, and will be taking on another infant in February. This makes the whole infertility thing both easier and harder. That being said, I adore him and am not quite sure what I'd do without him, aside from take far less pictures and be bored.

I am breathtakingly bipolar. For many years, I avoided the official diagnosis, because we didn't have health insurance and getting stamped with the "pre-existing condition" label would have made life a lot more complicated. Once we did have insurance, I avoided the diagnosis because I knew what it would mean for our adoption chances. Finally, two years ago, I realized that if I didn't get the help I needed, I wouldn't be fit to raise a child -- so there was no point in holding out. I went to therapy, I got meds, and I can't begin to describe how much better my life is. I'm thinking of getting the Lamictal molecule tattooed on my back, that's how much I love it.

This summer our insurance expanded to cover $15k of fertility procedures, so we figured it was time to see what was what. The totally expected result came back -- textbook classic PCOS. I got an ultrasound picture of my poor little dysfunctional ovary and cried for days. That was the worst part -- looking at my ultrasound picture and seeing, not the baby I'd always imagined seeing in a picture like that, but an ovary covered in black spots.

Agh. It's making me sniffly even now.

Anyway. The Wookiee's stuff came back good (he makes more misshapen sperm than good ones, but luckily he makes so many that the raw numbers are fine). Our doctor has recommended going straight to IUI for three rounds, then we talk again after that. I know the percentages are against us, but I'm trying not to think too hard about that, or to start expecting anything one way or another. If it doesn't work, I don't know exactly what we'll do; let's just say we don't have any stocks to sell or investment properties to rent in order to supplement our insurance. Once the $15k is gone, it's gone. I try not to think too hard about that either.

There's nothing additional we can do, aside from straight fertility treatments. Both of us are in, if not excellent, very good physical condition. We're not overweight. My thyroid and blood sugar levels are normal. We eat healthy, don't smoke, don't drink to excess. We don't hang out in hot tubs. It's pretty much treatments or bust.

The Wookiee has one condition: the minute that this stuff starts to damage my physical or mental health, we're done. End of story. Nothing is worth the risk of losing me, he said. Did I mention I'm married to a wonderful man?

So here I am, expecting to start the first round of IUI within the next few weeks. We're not telling more than a couple of friends, because quite frankly, I can't handle the idea of people asking me constantly how things are going. I'm here so that when my brain is spinning through the fertility stuff, I'm not constantly harassing the few people in my life who know about this with my monologues. This seems like a nice board with some level-headed people (let's face it, some of the boards out there are nuts), so I'm looking forward to the discussions.

So, in summary... hi!

Trujillo25 · 11-12-2009, 02:39 PM

hi...that was a very inspiring story...i feel for you i know that me and mine have been trying for almost two years...i feel for you cause you don't have kids of your own..i do have three from my previous marriage so i was blessed with at least them but you have none and that makes me sad...i will hope and pray for you and your s/o (hubby) to have a baby and that it is healthy and happy...if you have any questions feel free to ask...

Rene

Robin G · 11-12-2009, 02:50 PM

Thanks so much! We'll have a kid, or we won't; I'm trying to be philosophical about the whole thing. I appreciate the question offer, I may take you up on that sometime

Trujillo25 · 11-12-2009, 02:55 PM

anytime sweetheart..and you know that is how me and my hubby see it..if we have a baby great if not then we don't..it will happen for you i know it..keep your head up..and good luck..