Up all night...(long post)

AngelaCM · 04-02-2007, 12:04 PM

My eyes are stinging and burning. I don't know why I didn't sleep last night. Why I opted to sit up and cry and play solitaire on my pc because the thought of sleeping scared me. I think it's because of a combination of these doctors and what I am going through. The doctors won't return my calls, and if I am lucky I may get an appointment before June. I'm sorry but it isn't good enough. My symptoms are worsening, and I am suffering. I feel like I am not even myself anymore. And I resent them for not caring enough to see that all I need is a few questions answered to maybe feel a bit better. The nurse practitioner at the endo's office wrote me for Spironolact, but never told me about any side effects, how to take it, what to expect, what to avoid while on it, etc. It seemed as if when I sat in the office at the point of tears cause my hair is falling out and popping up in all the wrong places on my body, and I am unable to get a period at all anymore, and I feel like less of a woman, she wrote it and sent me packing all too quickly. She just said, if I was worried about abnormal hair growth to take "this" and by 6 months time it should help. She didn't even want to see me back for 4 months. Good thing I found Soul Cysters because I never would have known that you need to be tested while on it, to make sure things stay in check such as potassium levels. Maybe I am overreacting, but I take prescription drugs seriously. And I expect the doctors ordering it for me to be the same way. Needless to say, the bottle of Spiro still hasn't been cracked open, but I am getting so tempted at this point because I am willing to sacrifice just about anything to have some form of normality back.

I just want my life back. I was without health insurance for years, unable to see any doctors. I paid out of pocket for my ortho tricyclen and just thought all the things going on were as a result of it. But I couldn't really afford to go off it, have something happen and then not be able to pay for a doctor's visit. Finally I get insurance, I thought I would get my life back. Came off the BC so tests would be accurate and thats when the bomb fell and everything worsened. Pints of blood and hours of time spent in CT scans and MRI later, the doctors still want to call me normal, or send me for more torture. I'm going nuts. I want to scream, "please just HELP ME!".

I don't sleep much anymore. I have nightmares alot. I worry alot, and I know it's not good but I can't help but think of all the things that can go very wrong. What if I can't have babies ever? What if all my hair falls out? What if the meds cause any severe reactions? What if this NEVER gets better and this is the quality of my life now? I sit, I think and I cry. I don't want to deal with this anymore, I don't know if I have it in me to fight anymore. Fight the doctors fight the people who say to suck it up and fight those who think its all in my head. I think I just hit rock bottom today, but every time I think I have there's always worse that proves me wrong.

I'm sorry to sound so sobby. Truth is, this forum is about the only thing that's keeping me looking up anymore. You ladies are strong and encouraging and inspiring. I hope that one day I can be strong like that. I guess just right now with everything hitting me like a ton of bricks I just haven't mustered up the strength to get up and get going. I just feel DEFEATED. And I had to write this somewhere or else I was probably going to explode. I'm scared and sad and I just don't know what to do.

Sorry for sounding so pessimistic, it really isn't like me to be this way. I just am having the worst day ever right now.

Steerpikes Wench · 04-02-2007, 12:24 PM

((((((((hug))))))))))))

AngelaCM · 04-04-2007, 08:50 PM

Update: Went to see Dr.Sherif today and my prayers have been answered. She sat with me for over an hour and a half and went over each and every lab, symptom, history, even family history. She did not seem condescending in any way, as many of the docs I have seen were. She said my labs while most were in "normal" range according to scale, were NOT in fact normal. She found many things that the endocrinologist never even found. She determined that without a doubt I have PCOS. She also determined that I have something called Raynaud's (a condition of autoimmune origin that affects the mainly the hands and feet). In order to be thorough, she asked me to take one more series of blood tests in order to rule out Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (which if I do have is treatable as well, but she is 99% sure I do have PCOS). I agreed and they took the blood there. However, I think due to the lack of sleep and eating I experienced quite possibly the scare of my life. I normally feel faint when getting blood drawn. Sometimes I faint. This time I felt the dizziness, then my arm went numb, then I felt like I was going to pass out. I ended up going into seizure. I have to admit, it was the worst experience of my life. I still feel a headache, nausea, and very weak from it. Plus I bit the side of my tongue. Dr. Sherif came to me when they saw the seizure. She dropped everything she was doing to come and sit with me while I recovered. I LOVE this doctor. She is a godsend. Though I had a horrible scare, today was a step in making the rest of my life a better one. Thank you all for hearing me out through all my anxiety driven posts, my rants, my endless questions, and my depressing posts. I am going to look more positively on this now, because my doctor assured me we could make things better. I can't thank you all enough, especially the ones who recommended this amazing doc.

I'm cross posting this on the other threads where people offered me help and support when I was in need, just to thank them all and let everyone know the update. I finally have a diagnosis and treatment is on the way. I just have to stick it out 2 more weeks to make sure the hyperplasia is ruled out. I will most likely be given Metformin, not postive yet. She did give me the go ahead to start my Yasmin as it contains no androgens. That's about all I have for now, in 2 weeks I will know more.