I'm dealing with my Rivi sad days, and it's so hard to see my fellow January '05 mommies sending their little ones off to preschool. He'd be turning THREE on October 6!
It's so hard - preschool is yet another thing he's missing out on, and I'm missing out on those happy/sad tears when dropping him off for his first day, having him hand me his artwork when I pick him up, packing his snacks, listening to him go on and on about his day.
I'm dealing with major anxiety over Rivi's little brother, too. I keep going into his room to watch him breathe, just in case. Logically, I know that nothing's going to happen to him. But I feel like I need to control every possibility - sit there 24/7 if necessary. I'm having dreams about losing Rivi all over again, and then I jump out of bed to go check on Dom. Not much sleeping going on here - hence the 2:40 a.m. post!
I'm a wreck. If this year is like the past few, I'll feel much better after I get past 11:46 a.m. on October 7. That's when he died...somehow, I can let go (at least most of the way) once I reach that last sad moment.
Just when I think it's getting easier, September comes along and knocks me on my ass all over again.
Im so sorry. If you need a friend, I am close by. I hope this month and next pass by quickly for you.
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BFP 10/1/05
10/03/2005 - 183 10/07/2005 - 1,323
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I live near a school and found it hard watching the little ones go in for their 1st day at the beginning of september knowing my little girls won't be going
big hugs to you
xxx's hela
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Me 40, Paul 45 DS Luke born 12th March 2009 Doggy furbaby - Milly DX PCOS Jan 06 DX APS March 08
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Im sorry Viv. Im not going to pretend I know how you feel becuse I can't even imagine the pain. Could you do something happy to remember him? plant a mum or carve a pumpkin for him? something bitter sweet.
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Sarah 30, DH Matt 31, Foster Son 17
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Viv, I understand you. I get very overprotective of Gideon when I miss Eric. And I'm thinking about Christmas now, which is when Eric died, and it makes me so sad. I know every year, Christmas is going to be bittersweet, because that's when I miss him the most.
I'm thinking of you, and I hope this month passes quickly for you.
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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On his birthday, we'll eat Chipotle burritos, since that's what we ate right after he was born. Then we'll have his birthday cake and send him some balloons. This year, we might let Dom release them, if he'll let go!
I swear, this year is harder than the others. On Rivi's first birthday, I was distracted by thoughts of IC - I'd just found out about Dom and was freaking out. And last year, I was kept very busy by an infant. There are no such distractions this year, so I think I'm able to focus on this grief more. I hope it gets easier from here out.
VIV! I know its hard....but i want you to know how great you have been to the women on this board! Through your pain you have given so so so many women hope.....you have saved babies!!! I hope everytime you think about Riv...you think about how many women have thanked you for thier special delivey.....i know its still hard....i really wish i could hug you!
Raven
Sending you lots of ((((hugs)))). I know how you feel.
__________________ enits
Noelle - my little baby, was only with us for 17 weeks and 5 days, February 7, 2005
2nd loss - my little angel, could only stay with us for a little while, 8 weeks, August 3, 2005
Hoping to remain positive, always...
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I'm so sorry you're missing out on all those "1sts". It must be hard.
Just wanted to let you know I'll be thinking of you on Rivi's B-day. I'm out of town, so I can't post that day, but I hope your "party" goes well, as emotional as I'm sure it will be.
Update on Me (living baby briefly mentioned) 
