Let me just say, whew this is a long one... I was just officially dx on Thursday. I just started with 500mg of Metformin for a week (then increases to 1000mg) and Provera (10mg) to get my periods started (I was really happy with not having periods or worrying about getting pregnant the last two years). I've always struggled with my weight but was able to keep it somewhat under control until I met my ex-fiance when I was 17. We went thru a very turbulent 4 year engagement with him cheating on me repeatedly. In that time span I managed to eat myself from 200lbs to 275. This is the same time that the symptoms of PCOS started to really prevail. I had always had very irregular periods unless I was on BC. I started losing my hair at the age of 20. I had always had a little bit of fuss on my lower back but my "happy trail" started growing in as well as hair on my butt. I went from being the social butterfly into deep depression. My doc had run tests but concluded that I did not have PCOS and said that if I lost weight it would help my depression (DUH!).
After I finally got the courage to leave my ex and moved back in with my parents, I started to gradually lose weight again after switching to a more active job and going on a low fat diet. In 2005 (weighing 250) I went to work in Alaska for the summer at a rural lodge. I walked up a mountain 1/2 mile round trip to work daily as well as multiple trips to the bar which was 5 miles down the mountain each way. This was as much exercise I have ever done in my life. I figured since I was doing it everyday for 4 months I would lose a lot. I came back and had only lost about 10 pounds.
Shortly after arriving home from Alaska I reunited with my best friend from jr high. He had gotten married when I was in high school to a girl who hated me so we were torn apart for the last five years. I found out that she had left him over the summer and he had been trying to reach me for months (there were no cell phones where I was in AK and phone lines were iffy at best). We ended up hanging out and eventually became intimate. I had always had more feelings for him than friendship but thought that it wasn't mutual. He told me that he felt exactly the same then also.
I wasn't working since I could live off the money I made over the summer and gradually moved in with him (keep in mind he's still legally married). Things went well at first. I wanted to be together but I knew he still had feelings for his ex. I told him I didnt just want to be a rebound and he said that he would never do that to me but he was just going thru a really rough time (his wife had left him for another guy). The divorce was finalized 4 months after I moved in. We ended up living together for about 9 months and our "relationship" was very rocky. I attributed it to his situation with his ex and his own depression (she had pretty much forced him to stop talking to all of his friends and just be devoted to her). I moved out for about a year because we started to fight all the time. Now we are living together again as a matter of convenience on both sides.
We are still not techinically together and each of us have losely dated other people in the last, almost two years. I care about him immensely but I really think us moving so fast in the beginning screwed up our friendship and any hopes for a relationship. We don't talk like we used to. To make matters worse I have gained 50 pounds since coming home from Alaska and he doesn't say it at all but I really think it bothers him. We aren't as sexually active as we used to be and he doesn't look at my like he used to. I went from being the about 190 lbs and miss popular when we were best friends to now 320 lbs bald and hairy. I can't say I would still be as attracted if the tables were turned.
I'm so sad lately. I almost cry when I walk out of the shower and look in the mirror. I used to go out all the time to the clubs and parties but now I stay at home pretty much all the time. Anyone else have similar stories or advice?
__________________ cHer Age: 25 Dx: 4/07 IR, PCOS Rx: Met 1000mg, Spiro 100mg, Depo-Provera Vitamin: Biotin, B-12, B-2, Calcium/Magnesium/Zinc, Saw Palmetto, Chromium, Fish Oil, Flax Seed Oil, Green Tea
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Ahh I wish I could tell you something to make you feel better but I don't think anyone can. I know that in life we hope to find one that we love and hope even more that they love us back. I know how you feel, when I take a shower I feel like a completely different person. But, then I realize that this can't make me. If he had feelings for you at one time when you looked a certain way and those feelings rushed back when you reunited, then there must be something that made him do that! You're a gorgeous girl and he thought of you over that long of a period and actually going through with his divorce was a big step in the right direction. Hopefully, he stays in this direction and remembers everything that he initially loved about you. As for your condition, PCOS isn't going to go away overnight, so you're going to have to work harder to treat it and have children (if you plan on it) and losing weight will help. But if he loves you, he'll see past everything, he'll come around. If he doesn't, it doesn't hurt to ask him. I know I'd be hurt if my BF told me he thought I'd "let myself go", but I've heard it from previous BFs before. I think I've gained a good 50 lbs since I met him, but I think he only loves me more. If you're meant to be, he'll love you no matter what is going on with you! You shouldn't be treated like a rebound girl, so if things seem like they're heading in that direction, nip it in the bud.
Have a good holiday, and I hope that things work out for the two of you. If you ever wanna talk sometime, PM me!
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Venting...confused...depressed 
I've always struggled with my weight but was able to keep it somewhat under control until I met my ex-fiance when I was 17. We went thru a very turbulent 4 year engagement with him cheating on me repeatedly. In that time span I managed to eat myself from 200lbs to 275. This is the same time that the symptoms of PCOS started to really prevail. I had always had very irregular periods unless I was on BC. I started losing my hair at the age of 20. I had always had a little bit of fuss on my lower back but my "happy trail" started growing in as well as hair on my butt. I went from being the social butterfly into deep depression. My doc had run tests but concluded that I did not have PCOS and said that if I lost weight it would help my depression (DUH!).
