In a very bad place

storm172666 · 07-17-2003, 08:23 PM

I find myself at the lowest point I've ever been. Ever since I started suspecting pcos I've fallen into a major depression. Its not the thought of having pcos that has me this way, its that when I started reading up on information about irregular periods and came across cancer, it has not left my mind. I cant stop obsessing about having cancer, its all I think about. Since december it has been plaguing me, and now lately its not only reproductive cancer I think about but all cancer in general. If i have a stomach ache I think I have stomach cancer, if i have a headache I think I have brain cancer, any twitch I think of cancer! Liver cancer, lung cancer, cancer cancer cancer... i cant make my mind shut up and leave me alone. Im tired of my own mind always with its disturbing thoughts. Ive become so obsessed with the thought of dying I've become a different person. I dont talk to any of my friends, I dont go out, I hardly say more than a few words a day to my family. I am silent fighting with my mind every hour of the day. I cry not for myself but for the pain my death will cause, I think about my loved ones watching me die and I cant take it and break down. Im a complete mess. I wouldve never thought this was how I would be at the age of 22. I thought I would be celebrating graduating, making plans, enjoying life but I cant pull myself up no matter how hard I try. And through all this I havent even seen a doctor because I have no insurance, no money, no job I feel like I went to college for nothing since no one seems to want to hire me, I have no one to talk to, well not that I have no one but that I cant reach out to anyone, and sometimes I think even if I could afford a doctor I wouldnt go because of fear in what I would find out. Ive become a hypochondriac in the span of a few months. I just want to live

shorty1kanobi · 07-18-2003, 05:33 PM

Sweetie,
I think your first step here is going to be to make an appt with your doc and discuss your symptoms. It may turn out not to be PCOS, but even if it is, there are so many resources here to help you with how to get it under control. Remember that a PCOS diagnosis is not a guarantee of cancer. Your best bet is going to be to take it one day at a time, and don't borrow trouble.

((((Hugs))))

Lendi · 07-18-2003, 10:43 PM

Hey there. It sounds as though you are having anxiety attacks. They are awful and I understand what you are saying. I don't think much about illness, but whatever hops in my mind stays there until I dwell it to death. LOL Especially at night, which resulted in a sleep disorder. But, there is help. There are medications that can make you feel good as new. I went through a lot before I finally looked for help. Please don't follow my path. There is no need for you to feel miserable when help is available. If you can not afford to see a physician, check at a mental health dept. They should be able to help you. Hugs, Lendi