Hi, ladies. I've had depression off and on through out my life, since adolescence. Once I started having problems with infertility it started again. But even that was off and on. Now since starting Metformin, I'm really depressed.
I'm starting to feel like my life isn't worth living anymore, if it means being sick all of the time, too tired or sick to do anything other than lay down, can't make plans to go anywhere, have to cancel any plans that I did have, can't eat anything because I feel too sick - but need to eat to take medication, it goes on and on....Plus, I don't even feel like a woman anymore. I mean, physically there's nothing attractive about me. I deal with facial hair, which I work on daily to remove. I can't even get pregnant, unlike other women who get pregnat and don't even want to.
Ugh...my husband has been so wonderful, and I am feeling guilty that I'm too sick to do anything and he's doing everything. I don't even feel like his wife anymore, but a child he has to care for. I just don't feel like I'm actually "living" anymore. Hope that makes sense.
I know so many others of you have been here, so I just need something to hold onto (hope that it will get better).
__________________ Carrie (Pa) 31 y.o., married, 1 stepdaughter (10 yrs old). Diagnosed with PCOS in Aug '05. No current treatment.
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Oh Carrie, I am so sorry that things stink right now. At times it can get hard to see the possibilities and to grasp why we are struggling. Please know that your life IS worth living not matter how you are feeling this very minute. I am sure that your DH would be lost and lonesome without you. It is obivious how much he loves you. Depression can be so up and down, hang on and you will come back up. Have you considered talking to your doc about an antidepressant or medication adjustment?? I had struggled with depression in the past, been off meds for about 6 yrs, but the infertility and m/c did me in. I had to go back on meds and I am so glad that I did. They have helped to even things out a bit, at least they are more manageable. This can happen for you also!! Even a therapist is so nice to be able to vent to about the infertility issues, it is a huge stressor. Most therapists recognize this. The lack of control over our bodies can be hard. Know that you are not alone. I am sending you warm thoughts and prayers. Things will get better. Keep reaching out and posting here when you need to!!
thanks for your response. i'm feeling much better today. i just couldn't snap out of it last night night, it seems. i don't really want to go on an anti-depressant because i just see that as another medication to introduce to my body, and more side effects. plus, with ttc it might not be a good idea. i've been thinking about a therapist. we'll see. thanks for your support!
__________________ Carrie (Pa) 31 y.o., married, 1 stepdaughter (10 yrs old). Diagnosed with PCOS in Aug '05. No current treatment.
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I wish I had some advice for you, but I'm trying to figure things out myself. Here are some (((hugs))). I'm glad you're feeling better.
__________________ I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. - Helen Keller
Tigerlilly, i think it's very courageous of you to stay off anti-depressants right now! It's also very important to stay positive when you're TTC, and you sound like a strong woman who can do it. It took me a while to get pregnant as well, so i know well how hard it is at times not to feel sad & frustrated. Yeah, many women have no problems becoming mothers, but then for many other women it's not easy at all! And even if a woman can't have children, it does not make her any less feminine nor does it mean that her life has no meaning because of it, IMHO. If you want something harmless to help you deal with your load right now, why not try something from a health store, like Kava Kava or St.John Worth. Also, what helped me, was having some sort of relaxing ritual, like exercising first, then taking a bath & then reading something fun.
In any case, I hope you find a solution for your depression & also will be blessed with a baby soon!
__________________
Married since 2002
Conceived after 5 months of Met in 2004
Gave birth to DD in December, 2004
Conceived with help of herbs in 2006
Gave birth to second DD in December, 2006
Treating with herbal supplements,diet & exercise
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very depressed 
I am glad you are feeling better today!
