I signed up for a PCOS study and they want my dad to give a blood sample. I need to call him and ask him to participate. We haven't talked in years, a bad relationship. He doesn't even know about his grandkids. He tends to be violent and I am scared to have him meet them but I need him to give a blood sample. Should I avoid the topic all together unless he askes or tell him and then tell him I don't want him to see them if he is going to be in and out of their lives like he was with my sister and me? This is so hard!
__________________ Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
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Personally I dont think I would be a part of the study then or tell them he as passed or something. I dont think I would contact him now for that. Maybe I'm selfish who knows. Good Luck to you in whatever you decide!
ETA~Well let me rephrase that. What is the study looking for? Infertility? Or another reason? If its for IF I dont think I would. If they are trying to find a "CURE"(lol) I might.
{{{HUGS}}} I don't know what to tell you about this. Maybe, if it is important to the study that they have your dad's blood, you could simply call him, very business-like, and tell him you would like him to help with that one thing. Don't let yourself be drawn into any situation that makes you feel uncomfortable; don't bring up anything else. If he is willing, fine. If not, just let the people running the study know he isn't willing to participate.
Is there any chance he has received counseling to learn to control his anger? If not, and you think he might pose a threat to you or your family, then your first responsibility is to protect them. If he has sought help for his problems, you will have to judge for yourself how sincere he is and whether you want to involve yourself and your family with him.
Sending you {{{HUGS}}} and prayers, whatever you decide.
Debbie
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Debbie (40), Mike (43) DD- Mary Elizabeth 5 DS-William Landers 2 1/2
4 angel babies - 3 m/c's, 1 vanishing twin
I haven't spoken to my Sperm donor ( my bio father ) sence i was about 10, so about 16 years. The last time i spoke to him i said, you aren't my dad, Don is. ( don is my step dad who adopted me at the age of 6) I haven't seen this man sence i was about 4 or 5. So about 20 years. I have no wishes what so ever to turn back. He wasn't a very nice person, had drug and alchole issues, and was extreamly violent to my mom ( which yes i do remember seeing him beat her ) .
that being said.
You have a job and responsiblities to your children and family. You have to protect them. No amount of a study wanting to blood test my father would even get me to call him what so ever. There would be no way, i would say he's dead.
Please don't comprimise your home, your life, and the saftey of your children for a PCOS study.
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I agree with lovelyinkedlady. Your children need to be protected from someone who has so obviously hurt you in your past.
Good luck with your decision.
Heather
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DH: Mike 30
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Personally I dont think I would be a part of the study then or tell them he as passed or something. I dont think I would contact him now for that. Maybe I'm selfish who knows. Good Luck to you in whatever you decide!
ETA~Well let me rephrase that. What is the study looking for? Infertility? Or another reason? If its for IF I dont think I would. If they are trying to find a "CURE"(lol) I might.
It IS a research study
__________________ Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
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Started November 15th and 22 pounds lost!
Walk America in 2007 in memory of my little Jackson. Go to walkamerica.org/sweetsmom to support me.
I'm going to have to argee with everybody. No type of research is worth putting you or your family at risk. I would just tell them you aren't able to get a sample from your dad and let it go. Who knows what will come next? They need your dad to come in for some tests with you? More contact of some kind? It's just not worth it hon.
Hang in there
Hugs
Julie
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I would be very torn if I was in this situation personally, but I also have to agree. No amount of research, however beneficial it would be to me would be worth putting my family at risk physically or emotionally. But, the decision is yours, and I'm praying for strength and guidance for you to make the decision that you deem is best for you and your family. ((((HUGS))))
__________________ Rebecca ~ 35
DH Matt ~ 39
Married 11-20-04
TTC for 5 years...never pregnant.
Hoping for a miracle...
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Right now your father is safely out of the picture. If you know that he would have a negative impact on your children, I'd say it's best to keep it that way. It would be disappointing if they don't let you participate in the study without his blood sample, but your peace of mind is worth it.
__________________ I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. - Helen Keller
I am totally with most of the other ladies who have replied - I would absolutely not get in touch with him again for this research study. If it is an absolute must that you have the blood sample from him in order to participate in the study, I would withdraw from participating without giving it a second thought. It seems that you have, for good reason, put this person in the past, and in my opinion, it's best that he remains there. Unless you want to open the door to re-establish a relationship with him at this point, there is no reason to get in touch with him. You have a new life now that does not include him and unless you want that to change for whatever reason, it's better left as is. Yes, it would be nice to be able to participate in research (I'm all for that), but I feel that it's just a "can of worms" that doesn't need to be opened.
I participated in this study... I think I remember them telling me that I did not have to use both of my parents, but if they did not use both of my parents that they had to have at least one sibbling and one parent. You may give them a call back and ask what happens if I do not get my dad to participate. Have you done for the blood draw yet? They will give you more information after they get your blood tests back and then they get your family to go and have the blood tests. Good luck.
VERY hard decision to make..advise needed 
