waiting to adopt (kinda long)

wheata47 · 09-30-2008, 08:28 PM

is anyone waiting to adopt b/c of reasons they cant control? my dh and i have been researching adoption for the last couple of months and have decided to internationally adopt from ethiopia. but we have to both be 25. dh will be 25 in november, which isnt long at all. but i have to wait until june! i feel like im going crazy b/c all we can do is wait and its like the heartbreak of ttc all over again. we are continueing to read and prepare to attempt to keep busy, but that just makes me think about it more, and get even more anxious. is anyone else in the situation? what are you doing to pass the time? thanks!!

calches · 09-30-2008, 08:45 PM

do you have to be 25 when you start the process or when you apply to adopt from the country?. that could make a huge difference.

wheata47 · 09-30-2008, 08:48 PM

most of the agencies i've researched said that they wont process the application until you are 25! we still havent definitely decided on which agency yet, so there may be one that doesnt do this.

JaniceBrasil · 10-07-2008, 12:11 AM

I'm only 23 (i will be 24 in November) but we started the process in February and we were allowed to proceed my DH is 27 though.

I would keep calling places and see... maybe its different for international we are doing domestic so that may be why although we were told we could do either but we chose not to.

I hope you find an agency that can help you or that will at least let you start the process, I don't see why you couldn't if you will be 25 next year...

~Traci~ · 10-07-2008, 12:22 AM

Usually you can fill out the application & then your paperwork is sent once you turn 25 (we could have started 6 months before my 30th birthday for China b/c it takes 6 months to process everything-homestudy, documents, approvals, etc). Do you have to send a "dossier" to Ethiopia or is it just an application & then send a dossier once you've been matched?

That could be the difference in why you have to wait. Spend time together! That's the best advice I can give... This is also a time to learn about your child's birth country as well as how to take care of your child (believe me, I wish I had read more while we were waiting!).

Good Luck w/ the wait (we waited a couple years), it goes by SO fast once you're done!
Traci

Salsal · 10-29-2008, 01:06 AM

I was wondering the same thing...how do you handle the wait? We don't have the age concern, but DH and I have just started to research adoption and feel in our hearts it is right for us. What a great feeling! But my worry is what if it takes a long time? What if we are not chosen? We will use a local agency and request a domestic adoption of an infant and one of my friends who is an adoption social worker said that the number of adoptions is down right now.

So for those who have adopted or who are waiting, how do you handle the wait and uncertainty?

calches · 10-29-2008, 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Salsal

I was wondering the same thing...how do you handle the wait? We don't have the age concern, but DH and I have just started to research adoption and feel in our hearts it is right for us. What a great feeling! But my worry is what if it takes a long time? What if we are not chosen? We will use a local agency and request a domestic adoption of an infant and one of my friends who is an adoption social worker said that the number of adoptions is down right now.

So for those who have adopted or who are waiting, how do you handle the wait and uncertainty?

O.k. for one, you have to realize and be optimistic that you are going to get chosen. There is a child out there for you either born and yet to be concieved. If you don't believe that then you are in for a long and miserable wait until you are chosen and have your child home.

I say that b/c that is what I did. After our 2nd fall through I swore up and down that it was never going to happen. But ya know 1 mos after the last one that was a fall through on the side of the adoption agency we were picked and 5 days later our ds was born.

You have to be proactive with your adoption. Let everyone know that you are wanting to adopt. You never know who might know of an expectant mom that is considereing adoption. Some AP's have done websites. We got our bm through a faciliator (which she was awesome. PM if ya wanna know more.) You can look on websites that have adoption situations. (Trust me they are real and you can get chosen. That is how we found ds.) Make sure that you are real on your profile. Don't make it all fluffy and showy. Make it real mirror of you and your dh.

Other than that, through the wait do projects. I redid my house and did beading and magnets...alot of stuff to get my mind off of thinking about it.

Also know that you don't have to get hooked on with an agency. The fees are outrageous and for some they feel comfortable going that route. But coming from AP that was on the other side of their adoption they told me never to give an agency any money until they have done something for you. Alot of the agencies that we had considered were great until they talked about the fees. With their 100 page application you had to send a check (not a payment towards the adoption fees) for all of the fees. This was the norm here. I found a couple that did payments but their results of matches was quite low.

There are alot of avenues to bringing home your child. Not one way is right for another. Do you research on everything. Join online groups: heybobo.com/Yahoo 2Adopt group/Yahoo Adoption Fundraising Group...there are others...but I can't think of them right now...will look in my notes.

Good luck on your journey. It is an emotional rollercoater (like ttc...) but in th end it is SO worth it!

Salsal · 10-31-2008, 12:40 AM

Thank you for all the great ideas! I am not sure if I am ready for all of this, but I will definitely keep your advice in mind. That's too bad about some of the agencies charging fees like that...

mandyklaw · 10-31-2008, 12:29 PM

Patience is a hard word to hear when talking about adoption, but it is the truth. International adoption in particular changes constantly and each country has their own set of rules and there is no way around them. YOu may want to ask if they can go ahead and work on your homestudy while you are waiting to turn 25.

Things to start thinking as the process begins to start, is there anything that I do now that won't be as easy once I have a child? Take that last vacation just the two of you. Join a dance class, or something fun that you have been wanting to do. There are tons of ways to keep yourself busy and not worry 'AS MUCH" over the adoption.

Just my 2cents