Waiting for m/c....then THIS

amandas · 06-28-2003, 06:29 PM

Hi, everyone! I am new to the board and just need to vent. I got pregnant on my first round of injectables and IUI, but had a slow rising beta and my RE told us Tuesday that it was a blighted ovum. She took me off progesterone suppositories and said that I should m/c soon (if not, D+C next week). So, I've been waiting....then cramping....the spotting...then waiting...then no spotting....then waiting. I was pretty much at peace with what was going on, but am started to get a little frustrated with the waiting.

I thought I was doing pretty good, when last night DH started to act funny at our grandparent's house. I wondered what was wrong, as soon as we got in the car, he told me that his sister is pregnant. I just lost it! Here is this 24 year old, still in college, unmarried girl....who is on BCP and not even trying, and she is now about a week behind where I should be. UUUURRRRRUUUGGGGHHHH! I love her to death, and she will be a great mom, but why did it have to happen now......right as I'm waiting to m/c. I can't blame DH for telling me b/c he never keeps anything from me, and I could tell that something was up anyway. It's been just as bad for him to have to go through this. It just makes it that much more painful....and to think that I'm going to have to watch her go through her pregnancy at the same time that I should have been going through it.

Sorry to rant, but I just had to get it out!!!!!! By the way, I am still waiting to really start bleeding....I think I'm going to have to call RE on Monday to see if they can give me something to speed this along or to do the D+C sooner. Thanks for listening...all of the support that I have gotten from these boards is about the only thing that has kept me sane the past 4 weeks. Amanda

*DannysMom* · 06-28-2003, 06:43 PM

Amanda-
I am sorry you are going through all of this. It is difficult enough to experience your own terrible loss let alone have someone close to you experience what you have hoped and prayed for- I know this as this past June was to be the due date of my twins. I had experienced one miscarriage before achieving the pregnancy with the twins. I was elated. My sil was pregnant with her fourth child and was due one week before me. December came and our worlds were turned upside down when my water broke around twin a and I was placed in the hospital for complete bedrest with a very grim outlook. Ultimately, we lost both of our babies (17weeks). Upon my release from the hospital I didn't wish to be around anyone- most of my SIL. I felt this way as I too, believed that I should have been experiencing my pregnancy- and how unfair it was that SIL could go on to have her FOURTH baby. It is a raw feeling- you grieve for your own loss and wish that this wasn't your realty. First of all- I was told that these feelings were completely normal. I was also told to let myself feel- no matter how my feelings manifested themselves- that there is no WRONG way to grieve. I chose to remove myself from situations where I knew I would be uncomfortable. I didn't wish anyone else the heartache that dh and I had felt- we just needed a separation from our family so we could begin to heal... and even start thinking about trying all over again. I know it hurts. I am sorry you are hurting. But please know that what you are feeling is completely normal. I wish you well- that your body will cooperate and that your waiting will come to an end soon. Please know that I am keeping you in my thoughts.
Karen

packerfan · 06-28-2003, 07:12 PM

Amanda,

I am so sorry for your pain. What awful timing of everything. I can really relate to thinking the m/c is the worst thing right now and then to hear of someone else's PG. My friend and his wife gave birth to their DD 1 week after my m/c and that was awful to bear.

My cousin was PG a few weeks before I and she is scheduled to deliver in the next 2 weeks, so my EDD is coming soon. I will say when I just saw her last week, the pain wasn't that bad knowing I should still be PG too. Your broken heart does feel better with time.

I'll be thinking of you this week, sorry.

Kim

jennifer pollock · 06-30-2003, 12:17 PM

I know how you feel, kiddo. My best friend'ss sis found out friday she was having a boy, while I found out I was having nothing. Seems so unfair. Then I find out while the beta dropped to 100 something, the p4 was 30, the highest it had been!!! I guess we just wait and see what happens. BTW, go in thursday to see Galle and have a check of beta to see if it's down to 0. Am thinking not, since it still is just brown spotting all weekend. Not even red, WTF!!! May be with you on the D & C, girlie. Write soon and let me know how you're coping. I alternate between sad and really pi**ed off at the world. Plus threw up at 2 a.m. and still feel awful now. Guess it's stress. Hugs, jennifer

amandas · 06-30-2003, 02:55 PM

Thanks to everyone for the positive thoughts. I was pretty upset on Friday and Saturday, but Sunday I started bleeding pretty heavily and somehow it made me feel better (mentally at least...the cramps were/are a bi*#h). It's almost like the bleeding is the first day of a new beginning (or at least I'm trying to convince myself of that). So, I am looking forward to starting again.

It also helped to talk to my husband's family a bit. The women in his family are really close, but DH has been telling them not to talk to me about all of this because I was so upset. Sunday we had a family party (that I didn't even want to go to, but thought that I could not sit around and feel sorry for myself any longer), and I was able to talk to his grandmother (who told me she had a m/c, which I didn't know) and to a SIL (not the newly pregnant one...who has also had a m/c and sent me a very nice card). It helped to talk to them (just as it helps to talk to all of you).

Jennifer, I hope things are going better for you. Now that I started bleeding, I am not planning to have the D+C on Thursday. I have to go to my local OB/GYN this afternoon for a blood test (to make sure HCG and P4 is coming down) and then I will see McRae next Wednesday just for a checkup. I'm going to ask her about upping my Met as I have started to get some symptoms back after going down to 1000mg. So, I should have a lot of my questions answered next week. I'm actually hopeful that I might ovulate on my own. This will be the first cycle since I started Met that I have not been on some other treatment. I never really gave the Met a chance to work, and now that I've been on it for 6 months, maybe my body will start functioning normally (one can always hope). Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you...the waiting is terrible!! Hope to see you in the waiting room sometime soon! Amanda

KAnde · 06-30-2003, 10:18 PM

Okay maybe some one here knows what the deal is.

I think that i am having or going to have a second MC my betas don't double or don't go up quick enough and then i MC the stupid dr's don't seem to do anything about it or try to prevent it or try to figure it out or anything drives me crazy!

First MC the betas were 39 then 51 and then MC 3.5

second MC the betas were 14.5 then 34.4 then5 days later 105 but i have to go back on wednesday.

I have no idea what is going to happen any words of advice anyone have this happen and find out why????

I feel for everyone and I know how hard it is to want something so badly and then not be able to get it!

jennifer pollock · 07-01-2003, 10:42 AM

Well, hon, I'd guess that this is a possibility, based on my own current experience. However, I know from reading that they will not call it "recurrent losses" until after 3 m/c's. And even then, the chance of a normal to-term pg is like over 60%. Weird, annoying, but true. I know that if you'd reach that point, they might do genetic testing (very expensive), could look for microclotting issues, etc. Can't recall, but are you on Met and baby asp? What about p4 support after O? Sadly, that's about all they CAN do unless you have documented micro clotting issues and put you on Heparin, a blood thinner stronger than the aspirin. Thinking of you, and so sorry for your difficulty.

amandas · 07-01-2003, 11:57 AM

Geez, just when I was feeling positive and thinking things were over, my RE called and said that my HCG had not gone down...in fact, it was up over 3,000!! What the heck?! So, I have to get another HCG tomorrow and then go in for a scan. They are talking about a possible tubal again! They saw a gestational sac in the uterus, so what is the chance that there is also something in one of the tubes? I am still bleeding pretty heavily (in the mornings at least), and still having some cramping, but no pain like a tubal (not that I would know, but what I have sure feels like just cramps).

I'm a little miffed about this whole thing because the last time I was at the RE's office (last Tuesday, which would have been 7w2d gestation) she did not take a HCG. So, the last HCG they have was at 6w2d and it was 924. So it's possible that it had gone up to like 5,000 something and now it IS down to 3,000 something. But we don't know because she didn't do the HCG (my husband even remembers me asking if they were going to do an HCG).

So tomorrow I have to drive east 30 minutes to get blood drawn in the morning, and then go back west 2 hours to get a scan in the afternoon.

Has anyone had experience with this where the HCG continues to rise after you have been bleeding for a few days? Any idea what the chances are that there is something in the tube??? Feeling frustrated, Amanda

amandas · 07-01-2003, 12:09 PM

RE just called again. They are worried and want me to come in today...so I am on my way. Let's hope it's not tubal!!! Amanda

KAnde · 07-01-2003, 01:35 PM

Jennifer I have been on asprin and they won't do genetic testing because we are the only ones in the family that can't have children. they have to look for one thing rather then go in blind looking for many things. drives me crazy!

amanda good luck!

DavisSR · 07-01-2003, 02:03 PM

Amanda, Hope all is well. Anxiously waiting for your return.

Sheri

jennifer pollock · 07-01-2003, 04:02 PM

Krystal~ I just read that if you experience 3 or more losses that they will consider genetic testing to see whether you or DH is carrying something that could cause problems. Sorry!

Amanda~ WTF???!!! I have read about numbers that have stayed elevated some, but certainly not go up like that. I guess you could have another one in there that is OK?? I don't know, but am anxiously waiting to hear what's up. Galle's who you'll see as I know McRae is off this week. Let us know, babe.

Still just brown stuff. Did have some yucky thick stuff in it this a.m., but still no red. I am so tired of this crap. Don't go in until Thursday. We'll see!

*DannysMom* · 07-01-2003, 04:16 PM

Amanda-
I am also waiting for your post/update... you're in my thoughts...

Jennifer-
Know that I am thinking of you as well... hoping your doing better.

Karen

amandas · 07-01-2003, 10:12 PM

Hi, everyone! Thanks for thinking of me today. I guess everything is OK. The HCG went down a bit in about 19 hours, so that is a good sign. Galle (RE) didn't see anything that would lead him to believe that it is tubal (thank goodness), but I still have not passed the gestational sac (it's about the same size as it was last week)...so, that is probably what is keeping the numbers somewhat high. Galle thinks (and so do I) that the HCG got high last week (when they didn't test it) and that it IS coming down. I have to get more blood drawn on Thursday and again Tuesday and then I see my normal RE on Wednesday (and boy do I have a lot of questions for her).

Jennifer, Galle was very good today and spent a lot of time with me. I take back the bad things I said about him.

So, not worth the panic they put me in today (Galle even said that he was a little worried, but feels better now). Just wish that sac would come out of there! Thanks again to everyone for thinking of me today. Hope everyone else is doing well today. Amanda

jennifer pollock · 07-02-2003, 10:17 AM

Amanda~See, I'm glad you had a good (better) experience with him. I was the same the 1st time, he gave me the creeps and was just...not for me. Mind you that was when I was 19, so I attributed it to being 30 and more mature (?)!!! SOOOOOOO glad that you are getting straightened out. I was worried yesterday for you!

Karen~ Did you get my messages? Thanks so much for yours. How are you doing?

Krystal~ Any developments?

Still waiting. God, this is driving me insane! I guess Galle will decide what's going on tomorrow. Had a bunch of (sorry) thick, almost tar-like gunk yesterday for a short time when I went to the bathroom. Stomach isn't acting right, but the flu's going around and I AM a ball o' nerves. Got the carpet in- wrong size ordered and it's all seam-y despite paying extra for no seams. I called the manager in a huge huff and the man never called back yesterday. Sadly, have patients back to back this a.m., and can't ream him a new one for a while. It could be a fun way to let off some steam on the jerko**!! We take pleasure where we can!!!
Keep us updated girls, and hugs to you, jennifer