Waiting to Miscarry...

swtn8ive · 09-08-2009, 07:21 PM

I am so confused...heartbroken...devastated... I was dx w pcos back in '03'... been married almost 8 yrs... been trying this whole time... 1 MC about 4 years ago (Dx-B.O.) found out on July 4th i was pg after met/clomid for like 5-6 mos... had just given up on trying this cycle so the news was great...then went in at 5wks to be told there was no baby..and that it looked like a MC... told to come back 1 week later... and voila! there's a 6 wk baby with a strong heartbeat... so Dr said congrats this makes a miscarriage less likely (less than 1% after hb is detected)... so we go thru the next 4 weeks happy excited all that good stuff... only to go in at our 10 week to discover....NO BABY... Looks like a M/C... we were so confused...how can there be no baby after we saw the hb

? Any how discovered this is a Missed Miscarriage...and the baby stopped developing a couple days after our 6week appt... had another appt at 12 wks which only confirmed the MC... Dr even kindly did another VUS to "double" check at our request... b/c of cultural reasons... i can't simply just do a DnC... so I've been waiting... almost a month now for this horrible thing to take place... no bleeding... no pain... lost all pg symptoms... getting thinner... but so far nothing... I'm very confused... don't understand why, and know that I never will... and worse is that I haven't even gone thru the worse part of it yet... Been wondering what kind of "lesson" i'm suppose to learn by having to go thru this... feel like a mockery of a pregnant person... b'c technically i'm still pg... trying not to get bitter... I know God's not torturing us...even though at times it feels like it... Very difficult time right now... just waiting.........

kwannabee · 09-09-2009, 12:40 PM

i'm so sorry...there just arent any words.

Take care and just take it a day at a time...

Kate29 · 09-10-2009, 01:18 AM

I'm so sorry. It sounds horrible to have to wait it out. I hope that you feel better soon. I wish I had answers for you about why this happens. I don't know if anyone does.

swtn8ive · 09-13-2009, 04:28 PM

Thanks for your support & concern...the last four weeks have been a blur for me and my husband... I guess, everything happens in its own time, even though this was a difficult 4 weeks... Nature has finally taken over, and I'm handling things A LOT better this time around... I guess this time has prepared me for this...perhaps that is what all the waiting is for...
We went in to ER last nite to make sure everything was "okay" as in no infections...etc... and they did yet another US... same thing... "no baby"..., my Husband says, "I really don't like those US, anymore" ... this broke my heart b/c as u know in a healthy pregnancy, US are like the best part... and all he has ever experienced is heartbreaking news at each of ours... I'd rather not see another one myself... Anyways...just thought I'd update... I'm no longer "waiting"... but look forward to healing in the coming weeks...Thanks for reading...!

AnotherDreamer · 09-17-2009, 02:36 AM

I am sorry for your loss (*hugs*)

I am glad you are healing physically now, and so sorry that emotionally it will still be a long road. A miscarriage really does affect our sense of self and future in ways that no one ever prepares us for- like the excitement we have at finding out, the joy of ultrasounds, the expectations... like having a rug pulled out from under us.

It will get better- this I can promise. It may not be tomorrow, it may not be next month, but one day it will become bearable at last.

furno78 · 09-20-2009, 06:58 PM

so sorry be strong x

swtn8ive · 09-22-2009, 08:23 PM

Just updating...
I went in last Wed for a D&C... after 3 or 4 U/S all showing the same thing...and my pg level was dropping... Even though, I had waited 4 weeks before "nature decided to take its course"... things weren't progressing as they should be... thus, the D&C... I believe now, that I would've eventually needed to get one... It was sort of a "relief" having the D&C done instead of having to go thru the MC process which as u may know, can feel like real labor... I was finally actually able to mourn this loss... and now i'm just waiting for the rest of me to heal... I do believe the baby made his journey home to the Creator...and that comforts me tremendously!
Also, I am so grateful for this site... I don't feel alone, and I know I'm not alone in any of this...

AnotherDreamer · 09-23-2009, 07:46 PM

I'm sorry that things have taken so long to progress for you, but glad that they are doing the D&C so you can finally begin the journey to recovery. It's hard to finally grieve and start dealing with it while you are still in limbo waiting for it to happen. I think finally knowing it's over, and that the child has moved on, is just the beginning. Best wishes on your journey to healing, and through your grief and your loss.