We have been dragging our feet a little because we have been waiting for my inlaws to move some of the stuff they have been storing at our house. We are buying their mobile home and they just haven't gotten everything out.
I finally got fed up and called our caseworker today and schedule our first homestudy visit for, yes, April Fool's Day. April 1st is the day ladies.
I am trying to keep calm because I know it may still be awhile but I just can't help it I am sooooo excited.
We have been watching the IN state website and have seen some older children over 7 yrs old that we may see about if they are still available. I am still holding my breath for a younger child but I am trying to be realistic.
Oh, and yes now my inlaws have finally decided that maybe it is really, really time to get their stuff out of our home.
Does anybody have any advice on how to handle the negativity? My mil who is happy we are adopting, just really not excited that we aren't adopting a baby. She is afraid we will adopt a "problem" child. These kids need love and parents who love them, how do we get that across?!!!
Stacy
__________________ Me 39
DH 42
DS 13 Lord help me survive the teenage years!!!
What God brings you to,
He will bring you through it.
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My only advice is to be honest and open with your MIL. Find a way to let her know that her negativity bothers you but that you understand its only because she loves and cares for you.
Good luck to you! Don't worry about the homestudy--its a piece of cake and you'll be okay!
good luck with the home study. it really is easy.
my fil, was also very negative, until he met Brandon. now he is all gushy over him.
A child is a child, and even if you dont adopt a baby, im sure your family will fall in love with your child, once they meet with them.
Congrats Stacy! Looking forward to hearing your good news!
As for negativity, we had a few family members who were quite negative about our decision to go international. What if he's sick? What if he grows up and hates you for taking him out of his country? Etc. They were really upset when we told them we were leaving it open to a special needs child as well. For us, it simply boiled down to one thing: This is our child, not theirs. If we are ok with things, then we really don't feel they have a right to NOT be ok with it. We flat told them so. May have been rude, but it certainly got our point across. (For the record, almost a year into the process we don't really have anyone left who questions our decisions.) I think they've come to see that we are firm in our decisions and well prepared for the possibilities. IMO that started with us being secure enough to take a stand. But that's just our family, everone is different
*hugs*
-Brandy
__________________
Brandy(33) DH Dan(33)
DS Samuel Sebastian(6) - Adopted from Colombia
DD Isabelle Caiyi(5) - Adopted from China
RNY Gastric Bypass surgery 1/30/2009
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Stacy,
1st, Congratulations on getting your homestudy scheduled and 2nd yeah considering older child adoption, there are so many children that long for and need a forever family and I commend you for considering opening your heart and your home to an older child.
My husband and I are in the process of adopting 3 brothers, age 4, 9, and 11(we hopefully will be finalized by June, they moved in on Dec 31,2003). We also had some family who not so nicely asked us why we were adopting older kids with issues instead of an infant. We told them that nothing was guaranteed in life, we knew that with our struggle with infertility, and that atleast with an older child you know up front what type of issues they have. Our oldest son is diagnosed with ADHD, bipolar disorder; the 2nd is a failure to thrive, developmentally delayed(mild retardation); the youngest is no issues. We found them thru the county with the assistance of Lutheran Social Services.
Once our family finally met our boys they welcomed them with open arms. Just seeing us so happy, after 4 1/2 years of failed cycles, made them accept our children. They do not treat them any differently than they do the biological kids in the family.
Best wishes to you on your adoption journey. I hope your child is found soon. We finished our homestudy in June 2003 and were chosen as the forever family in November 2003.
Mary
I spoke with my MIL today, she was telling me how she remembers all of our birthdays. And made the statement that she has a hard time remembering her grandchildren's. I said, " And you will soon have more grandchildren's b-days to remember."
She smiled and said yes, and then asked me if we were really considering adopting 3 or 4 at a time and I said YES! She expressed her concern that if we took on that many at one time we would have a hard time handling it since we don't have the experience.
My reply was this----if GOD has a group of siblings for us to bring home then he will give us what we need to handle it all.
DH and I have talked about all of this at length and I pray, like your families that they accept this as our decision and will support us and our child/children no matter what.
We still plan on sitting down with them and explaining that we want them to be a very important part in our kids lives, and to let them know that they will be their grandchildren also. We have talked with my BIL and he has given us his support.
Again, I appreciate all the nice words and the support you all give me. I panic about all of this because like all of you the heartaches have been many and I so look forward to seeing my forever children someday soon.
I will keep you all posted, we will be in a hurried mess for the next two weeks getting the room ready but I know in my heart it will be fine.
Stacy
__________________ Me 39
DH 42
DS 13 Lord help me survive the teenage years!!!
What God brings you to,
He will bring you through it.
Knitting like a fool, my new hobby To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Your MIL will chill out once she realized that they are ALL problem children and will bring her equal JOY and PAIN in the rear ! LOL
and she will love them as she would any child born/adopted into the family without worry once she gets to know them .
Alot of it is fear of the unknown, it took my mom a while to warm up to the idea and until she held him (while he was screaming bloody murder becuz he was so mixed up from airplane/no sleep etc) she melted and she was his.
Give her time, get your hubbie to talk to her about his feelings too.
Good luck on your homestudy April 1st ! Remember to be yourselves and that the worker is there to help you adopt not against you
Amy
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Nov 09 - Femara 5mgs Days 3-7 BFN
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There is a book on Amazon and Ebay (and I'm sure it can be had in brick-and-mortar bookstores or libraries) called "Adoption is a Family Affair" that helps with the whole family thing. Dunno who the author is, but it's one book I keep coming across in my parenting-guide research.
I think it's good that your MIL and others are openly expressing themselves, including their fears. It's better to know and be prepared. At least they're being honest with you. Sounds like things will go well for you, actually.
Good luck!
__________________ Robin
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me (33), hubby Derek (38)
short & fat, but cute!
No more treatment after 2.5yrs treatment and 3 mc's
We have our homestudy date. 
