We were told to move on by caseworker.....

samstars · 02-24-2005, 10:26 PM

We got an email this morning from the caseworker we have been working with in TN.

She said if we find other children we are interested in to move on. The process for the 4 children we are sooooo interested in is taking longer than she thought. She insist she can't give us anymore info than that.

My heart is in the bottom of my stomach. We have gotten further this time then ever. We are at the selection meeting part. Something has happen yet we have no idea what.

Our thoughts keep returning to what is wrong with us and why are we having such a hard time adopting through the welfare system! So many kids and yet here we sit and no kids. The caseworker has been so postive until today. She has told us all our info is great and we looked to be a possible match for these kids. She has been telling us all this time to "hang in there" and just "wait a little longer."

Give me some thoughts ladies, we are at our wits end!!!!!!!!

Stacy

~Traci~ · 02-24-2005, 10:41 PM

I'm so sorry {{{{HUGS}}}} Is there an issue w/ the bio parents giving up their rights? Is there family that want to adopt them & they're checking them out?

That would be the only thing I could think of that would make the SW say that...

{{{{HUGS}}}}
Traci

samstars · 02-24-2005, 10:48 PM

Traci

Our understanding is that the rights have been terminated. So I don't think it has to do with the parental rights.

When she emailed us that the selection committee wouldn't choose an adoptive family she said that they requested more info on the kids and the bio family.

Last week she just said that more appts were scheduled and they hadn't scheduled a new meeting date. She reassured us that we weren't bothering her by checking with her weekly.

Stacy

Micmoore · 02-24-2005, 11:38 PM

I am so sorry things are taking so long for you. But, it is not your fault. I honestly believe the "system" or lack there of is set up to only help the bio family. Please stay positive. Terminating parental rights and putting children in the foster care system up for adoption is LONG process.

I would seem to think if they want more info on the bio family than there is more than likely some issue with them. Are they appealing the process? Is there a family member that wants them? More info for an adoptive placement to consider. It is hard to say and it is horrible to be left out. I know from first hand experience. Our adoption has taken 2 years almost to the day to even begin to move forward. We were told at placement our children were going to be adoptable. I will say they are pretty thorough with matching kids so the placement doesn't disrupt years later.

I will keep your family in my prayers. I know how horrible it is to wait. You think all of the kids who need a loving home, why can't we have just one.

Lacy

~Traci~ · 02-25-2005, 01:10 AM

I completely understand. It does sound like the bio family is either appealing or wants to adopt them

Unfortunately, the US does not make adoption (whether through the state or private) very easy...)

I can tell you my step sister was in foster care (my step mother gave all her children to the state as soon as they hit 12), in the same house until she was 18. She was finally adopted (after my step-mom gave up her rights when my SS was 12) when she was 16. It took the state 4 years to do it. No one was fighting it at all (I would have but I was too young at the time & still lived w/ my mom). The state just took their sweet time to do it & there was no reason for it...her FP wanted to adopt her!

Hope your wish comes true!
Traci

Lisa67 · 02-25-2005, 01:38 AM

It does sound to me like it might be someone else in the family who may be looking into adopting the kids. I don't know though, just my feeling from you S/W comments.

When we looked into foster/adopt we were told right up front that their main goal was to keep the kids with their families and reuniting families. It's a tough job and I give you LOTS of credit for opening yourselves up to this.

HUGS...I hope you have answers soon.

Calantha · 02-25-2005, 11:24 AM

Sadly, this is one of the reasons why the welfare system has so many children in it. My brothers and sister were adopted by my parents through the welfare system (a kinship adoption no less, they are the bio kids of my mom's cousin) and it took years. My oldest brother was 2 the first time he came to live with us. The two younger kids weren't even BORN yet. By the time they were adopted, the oldest was 8 and the youngest was 2. All along my parents had been being told by the state that adoption was going to be the end result.
I don't know where these kids are in the process, but it doesn't sound to me like the SW is telling you to give up. It sounds like she feels the process is taking its toll on you (understandable) and is offering you the opportunity to pursue something else if you want. If this is what you have your heart set on, then by all means, stick to your guns. If its getting to be too much, or the possibility that it may not all work out in the end is too much of an emotional risk for you, then I think she wants you to know that nobody is going to think badly of you if you choose to move on.
Whatever your decision, you have our love and full support. *big hugs for Stacy*

Sherri75 · 02-25-2005, 05:02 PM

*hugs* to you! I'm sure it's nothing you've done. I think it sounds like an issue with those kids and/or the bio family as some of the others have mentioned.

samstars · 02-25-2005, 07:05 PM

We sat down last night and carefully composed a reply to the SW's email.

It took quite a bit of time and I finally lost it to tears and DH took over.

He did a really good job and didn't sound too ugly.....We asked if the kids were still up for adoption and were we still going to be considered. We also asked why they were removed from their parents.

She sent us back a very nice and considerate email, letting us know that our frustration is understandable and apologized for the pain in our heart that we have been through. She also let us know that they are indeed still up for adoption and YES we are still in there. She just wanted to let us know that while we are continuing to wait on the final decision (which who knows when that will happen) if we come across children who we feel would fit our lives to go ahead and not feel it would look bad on us.

I can't tell us how much I appreciate each and every one of you. When I was at my lowest last night this forum is the only place I knew to turn.

May God Bless All of You.

I will let you know what happens, of course.

Stacy

~Traci~ · 02-25-2005, 07:10 PM

That is great news that they're still up for adoption!

I truly hope it works out for the best for you & the children!

Good Luck & let us know if something else happens (hope all good

)!
Traci

Calantha · 02-25-2005, 07:12 PM

Hang in there Stacy

angrypcoser · 03-12-2005, 09:52 PM

What it sounds like to me is that perhaps the foster family wants to adopt them, or perhaps they have a really strong option, but perhaps they don't want all 4 children.

I could be wrong on that. It is a tedious process.

Ages ago, my uncle lost our cousins to someone not kin, because he and my aunt only had one child and 2 bedrooms, and at that time, the laws in my state were 1 bedroom per child.

Even though he already had all the contractors and builders ready to add on that room, it wasn't in existence when the children were put up for adoption, and they gave them to strangers.

And, this wasn't an adoption based on taking these kids from deadbeat parents and having potential deadbeat family trying for them...they were orphaned when their minister father and mother were killed in a plane crash.

So sad, we JUST NOW have found these kids (now adult, of course) through the internet, and they now know why they weren't given to my uncle. They had been told no family stepped up for them....RRRRRRRRRRRR