This past week has been the week from hell for me and I have no one that will listen....
I work in a very stressful job. My boss has to have total control over everything and it makes me nuts.
I've been feeling very sad and empty lately. My husband has always been there for me and we work out all of our problems, but now it feels different.
I always try to help everybody that I can and never help myself. Then when I know how to help myself I don't. Why is that? Why can't I just stand up for myself? Why do I constantly let others make up my mind for me? That's not me. I'm stubborn and head strong and I put my foot down, but I can't seem to get over this hill to the other side where life is better.
I'm so stuck in a rut right now, I just want to cry and be alone. My nerves are shot and on Friday morning I woke up having a panic attack...I freaked out busted into tears and couldn't breath, all because it feels like the world is crashing down on me.
At the same time, I couldn't ask for anything more. I have a roof over my head, a good paying job, a beautiful husband who would die for me and all the while I feel so empty.
I tried to go the local mental health department because I need someone to talk to but they were closed. I tried to talk to my friends but they just try to change my mind about me quitting my job or anything else I want to do.
Why do I feel this way? Does anyone else feel like this??
Now my husband is not even talking to me...he says I've changed...He's right..I have!!! I'm SAD and I can't get away from the sadness. I don't know if it's because I seem to run away from my problems and they've finally caught up to me or if it's because I'm trying to face them and I don't want to.
Can someone tell me something? Anything?? What do I do??? Where do I go? How can you pull yourself out when you're so far in??
i wish i had an answer for you...i most definately have my bad days and don't want to go to work or even get out of bed. after i do get up and get my butt in gear and get to work, it usually isn't that bad. granted i don't necessarily have the most stressful job, although i deal with lots and lots of people all day long. today was a 10 hour and i finally got something to eat at ten o'clock tonite. (i am one of those wonderful demo ladies that you see at the grocery store 4 days and then i do training for some of the dingdongs behind the counter at the deli).
something that has added to the stress is the fact that i have been so tired. i am on adderal for adhd (also dx with bipolar) and then i am supposed to take risperdal and now seroquel to calm down at the end of the day and to help me sleep. when i have been taking the last 2, i am so groggy and feel soooooooo hung over in the am until at least noon if not later i haven't been taking them. therefore even though i am so tired i hurt, i have not been able to get to sleep until after 2 am. i see my dr this week though we shall see what happens.
the moral to this is one of my best outlets is to come to this wonderful website and see others who have gone through much of what i have. it is also a great place to unload and get some advice that you might not get otherwise (or just some 'crazy' lady who rambles on and on--me) sometimes just reading the different posts can make me feel better, sometimes there are people who are having problems that i have already gone through and i try to offer my experience in the same type situation, if not i try to send a post of encouragement...i know when i have ranted or rambled or a combination of the two and i have people respond it always makes me feel better.
celebrate the small things...you got out of bed today, pat yourself on the back. and so on.
definately find someone to go and talk to, perhaps just talking to someone will help, perhaps a prescription for something will help, there is help out there, it isn't always the easiest thing to find, but more than worth it.....if the first person doesn't help or work, try another. i have gotten recommendations from different drs and people whom i trust as well as from here. i have called my gyn's office to get suggestions on endro as well as the wonderful man who took out my gallbladder--who ended up with the suggestion of my new shrink..
please forgive the rambling, but hopefully you will be able to sift out some suggestions that might help. don't hesitate to pm me or to post to ask for help...don't forget you do have a support system here..
please see your doctor. don't be so hard on yourself.
just before christmas i was in such a bad place, that i couldnt get out of bed, but i went to see my doc about going back on anti depressants and i am so glad i did.
(((((hugs)))))
__________________ DX: Sept/03 Me 31 & DH 35 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
PCOS:Metformin 1500mgs daily(Oct/03). Rapid Cycling Bi-Polar Type II: Effexor 225 mgs, .5mgs clonazapam, and 900mgs Lithium daily. litebook therapy(Dec/04). Meniere's Disease: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 16mgs Serc and 10-20mgs Metoclop
Thanks so much you guys....I'm on hold with the doctors office as we speak...hopefully she can squeeze me in today...and yes they can squeeze me in today.....That's a feeling of accomplishment just getting the damn appointment.
I just feel really really stuck. See, where I live a good paying job is hard to come by. Every thing here is based on tourism, I work as an independent insurance agent. I make like $25,000 granted I just got licensed and have no experience. I've been looking for other jobs and found one for $1200 a month with benefits, but that's almost half of what I'm making right now. I can always go work at a hotel or something but that's only $7.50 to $8.00 an hour and we pay $1200 in rent alone, so you know what do I do? Yeah changing jobs would make me feel better until I saw my paycheck. The biggest problem is, I'm going through the immigration process and have to make at least $18,000 and some change to be able to successfully process the paperwork. So what's a girl to do?
just hold on hun! let us know how your appontment goes ok!
__________________ DX: Sept/03 Me 31 & DH 35 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
PCOS:Metformin 1500mgs daily(Oct/03). Rapid Cycling Bi-Polar Type II: Effexor 225 mgs, .5mgs clonazapam, and 900mgs Lithium daily. litebook therapy(Dec/04). Meniere's Disease: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 16mgs Serc and 10-20mgs Metoclop
Appointment went alright.....she wants me to get a book called Codependency No More and start going to Codependents Anonymous. Because sad but true, i have a problem telling other people no and worrying about other people and not taking care of myself. So this is the first step towards putting my foot down I guess.
My husband apologized to me today for being an A-hole this weekend, so that has made me feel a little better.
But, the sadness is still here lingering. I'm gonna put in my two weeks notice because even though my boss wants me to think he cares, he doesn't. He doesn't want to hear anything I have to say. Tried to talk to him today, it was like talking to a brick wall. So I've got to find something different.
I have another appointment on Thursday so I'll keep you posted.
Thanks for all the advice....I'll be back....I'm sure.....This board and the people here are GREAT!!!!!!!!
__________________ DX: Sept/03 Me 31 & DH 35 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
PCOS:Metformin 1500mgs daily(Oct/03). Rapid Cycling Bi-Polar Type II: Effexor 225 mgs, .5mgs clonazapam, and 900mgs Lithium daily. litebook therapy(Dec/04). Meniere's Disease: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 16mgs Serc and 10-20mgs Metoclop
Ok, so I went to my second appointment with a therapist yesterday. I'm going to start see her weekly now and set goals for myself in the meantime.
Things are better this week. I have a load off my shoulders. I gave my two weeks notice yesterday. I felt it was better to do it that way than to walk out for no reason. So that duty has ben lifted.
sounds like you are feeling better! Keep in touch ok.
(((((hugs)))))
__________________ DX: Sept/03 Me 31 & DH 35 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
PCOS:Metformin 1500mgs daily(Oct/03). Rapid Cycling Bi-Polar Type II: Effexor 225 mgs, .5mgs clonazapam, and 900mgs Lithium daily. litebook therapy(Dec/04). Meniere's Disease: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 16mgs Serc and 10-20mgs Metoclop
I am so sorry that you are going through this!! I have had the same thoughts lately. DEPRESSION sucks!! Please contact me if you need to talk!!
__________________
Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 4 furbabies To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I am sorry to hear that you have had a rough time lately ... I am so gald to hear that things are starting to look up for you tho! That's so awesome! I'm glad you are able to come on here and just spill the hurt and have the support from the site ...
Thanks to all. This weekend really wasn't long enough. I'm going to be taking a leave of absence from my job, hopefully for a month to just get myself back together. If I go back and that hasn't worked or things are worse I'll move on. The biggest problem I have with my job is the girl that I work with has everything in this world and still finds something to complain about. She really takes alot out of me. She's just completely pessimistic. I agree that majority of the time my sarcasm preceeds me but she is just down right hateful. I don't know what to do about her. I talked to my boss and he's gonna try to get a different office space and put her in the back somewhere. She's loud and rude and hateful. Plain and simple. If anyone has any ideas, let me know.
that would be horrible to deal with. I have a relative in my life who is negative about everything. It really sucks! we rarly talk because of it, cause I get off the phone and feel like crap.
__________________ DX: Sept/03 Me 31 & DH 35 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
PCOS:Metformin 1500mgs daily(Oct/03). Rapid Cycling Bi-Polar Type II: Effexor 225 mgs, .5mgs clonazapam, and 900mgs Lithium daily. litebook therapy(Dec/04). Meniere's Disease: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 16mgs Serc and 10-20mgs Metoclop
I leave work feeling like crap....sometimes she just really really gets to me. I'm one of those who tries to avoid confrontation but a few weeks ago I started a debate with her to make her say something positive. I turned into her pessimistic low self. I just started screaming about everything being so bad and all. She started crying and asking me where I felt like that. So I kept it going for about 15 minutes knowing damn well I don't feel like that and then I walked outside. I just don't get her.
The week from Hell 
I am so sorry that you are going through this!! I have had the same thoughts lately. DEPRESSION sucks!! Please contact me if you need to talk!! 
She really takes alot out of me. She's just completely pessimistic. I agree that majority of the time my sarcasm preceeds me but she is just down right hateful. I don't know what to do about her. I talked to my boss and he's gonna try to get a different office space and put her in the back somewhere. She's loud and rude and hateful. Plain and simple. If anyone has any ideas, let me know.
