Let me tell you beforehand that this is about my miscarriage and has basically every detail about what happened. I don't want to offend or disgust anyone, so please click the back arrow if you don't want to read. Sorry if it is TMI! Don't know who else to share it with...
After 2.5 weeks of waiting, I finally had my miscarriage last night. I had about 2 hours of labor pains and contractions (don't know how else to describe it) that intensified as time grew closer and were nearly unbearable and became constant near the end. I was sitting on the toilet the last 30 minutes, holding my husband's hand and crying. We both were. Then woosh, I lost a big clump of something and the pain went away. We thought that was "it", so we got some gloves and looked inside and it was a clump of tons of red tissue. We mistakenly thought it was the sac and tha baby must be in there, so we grabbed it out and put it in a bag. We felt a little better after seeing it, because we figured the baby was sooo tiny that it was in a little fold of tissue. We poked around and couldn't find it and were kind of relieved. A few minutes later, I had more intense pain and suddenly, woosh again! Only this time we knew it was really the baby. We both sat there and stared at each other with tears rolling down our cheeks, not wanting to look and our hearts breaking. We knew it must be fairly large by the noise we heard in the toilet and what I felt coming out.
Well, after a minute, we did look and we pulled the baby and sac out. At first, we couldn't really see the baby. But we saw the big sac and umbilical cord hanging out, which made us both sob uncontrollably. I never knew that by 11 weeks along, there was already so much development. I could pick the sac up by the cord to turn it over. We knew our baby was inside, but we decided that we didn't want to disturb him. We figured he was safe and peaceful and at home there for all his short life, so we should just keep him there, as badly as we want to see and hold him. So, we put him in a ziploc bag. However, we did hold him up to the light and put a flashlight behind the bag, so we could see the shadow. What we saw touched both of our hearts and is something we will never forget (I am crying uncontrollably as I write this). We can clearly see the baby's head and body. He is nearly 2 inches long. Probably about about 1.5. His shadow is typical of what you would see of a drawing or photo of a 9-12 week fetus. I believe I was a little further along that the doctor said...It was supposed to be about 9.5 weeks, but the baby seemed bigger...or maybe he just grew fast!
Soooo...now we are trying to decide what to do with the baby and how to go on with our lives. In a way, we are glad it is all over after all the anticipation and worry, but at the same time, I would rather have my baby's body inside of me than be empty inside again. I have been barren and waiting so long. It just hurts so bad to be that way again. The only thing keeping me going is my husband. He is hurting just as much as I am through this. I think he has cried even more than me! It has brought us closer together if that is possible (we've always been like one). I feel like I just had his baby, which I guess I did., and I love him so much and really do want to try again after we get through this loss. Hopefully it won't take another 7 years this time around!!!
Sorry to make this so long. I know you guys understand. God bless all of you for being here and going through all this. It is an unbearable, awful pain and emptiness that I would not wish on my worst enemy, but I am so glad we are all here to support each other.
Thanks for "listening"!!!
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Tatiana
28 years old, PCOS since '98, Married since '99
7 years ttc, a failed adoption, & 1 m/c before our miracle baby was born healthy and happy on 2/27/07!
TTC #2 & praying it won't take another 7 years! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Last edited by TatianaHdz; 01-13-2006 at 04:16 PM.
I'm so very sorry...you experienced something no parent should ever have to go through. You and your husband are parents, even if your baby was only with you for such a short time, you are forever changed.
Thank you for sharing your story with us, I'm glad you and your husband have each other for love and support as you share in your grief, and may God bless your baby in heaven.
Our experiences sound very similar. It's a horrible things to go through and I'm sorry that you and others have to go through it.
I was actually admitted to the hospital after I had our son at home, because I hadn't delivered the placenta. I can tell you that, in my case, the doctors wanted to test Daniel as well as the placenta. They tested Daniel and then, after pictures and footprints were taken, the funeral home took him for cremation.
My husband has had a very hard time with this as well...he was there with me through it all and actually slept on the hospital floor beside me all night. We're trying to find some support groups in the area, because it seems like most of the support is geared towards the mother....and we were BOTH Daniel's parents.
Please feel free to email me/PM me if you want to talk.
Please check out my blog and tell me what you think! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Get involved in animal rescue. You won't be sorry. Your heart may break, there may be times when your eyes are red-rimmed for days. You may lose faith in the goodness of people, but your spirit will be renewed by the resilience of those you save. It isn't easy, but it's worth it. I promise you, you will be forever changed.
i am sorry that you had to go through this...my heart goes out to you. i have a question though...how did you know you were having a miscarraige 2.5 weeks before?
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ME - 27 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. DH - 33
DXed PCOS - 07/2003
DXed M/F - 10/2005
VERICOCELE SURGERY - 2/2008
HSG - 12/2005 ALL CLEAR!!!
TTC #1 SINCE - 1/03
01/2008 - IVF # 1 - BFN
05/2008 - FET # 1 - BFN
LAP RNY - 9/8/09
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(((lots of hugs)))
i'm so glad you and your husband are so close. that's what kept me going as well. the parents carry this burden forever as the rest of the world goes on. you have been through the worst physical part, of course, and i wish you both peace as you now embark on the emotional journey of figuring out the future without the little one. we'll be here to listen.
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Ruby 2/27/06, 9lbs
Nobody should have to go through what you did (or, you either, Mindi). It broke my heart to read this. My prayers are with you, your husband and your baby.
I am so sorry for your loss and everything you went through with the delivery of your baby. Tears filled my eyes as I read the part where you did not want to disturb his home for his short little life. Loving parents you both are...and your baby was very blessed to have you both as his mommy and daddy.
Mourn your loss, turn to each other for strength in the months ahead. Please know that we are here for you BOTH!
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Our sweet angel, Mohamed Matthew Raymon Illyas,
born and at rest on November 30, 2004.
Lived only 30 precious minutes...(IC at 20 weeks) Forever in our hearts, Together in our dreams.
We now live our life for you. We love you Matthew, our little Angel.
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My heart goes out to you and your husband. My husband and I went through a m/c almost three months ago. I will tell you that it will get easier to deal with. You will, however, be surprised how big a print those little feet will leave on your lives.
__________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Lori To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I am sorry that you both had to go thru this. I am most started to cry when reading it because of how similar to my story it was. I am at work so I couldn't. Know you are in my prayers.
i am so sorry hon. your DH sounds a lot like mine. you are a very lucky woman (as am i) to have such a caring person in your life. i had to go through my mc alone way before my DH even knew i existed. i wish you both well.
Well, it finally happened (graphic) 
we'll be here to listen.
