Went to OB today, got answers (not really) about losing Ari...

ReneeBeth · 07-11-2005, 06:48 PM

Well, the same thing as last time basically was said.
Again, I was diagnosed with PPROM and preterm labor, and again an infection was found all over. Again, they cannot tell me the time table for the way things happened. They don't know what happened first: labor, dilation or infection. So again, I'm stuck wonder if this all could have been prevented or not.

They told me that if I ever want to get pregnant again (if I ever meet a man I can be with), I need to go to preconception couseling to talk about what happened, what all the final say is, and what might be done next time to try and prevent these loses.

I'm just pissed. I will never know what happened first. I will never know if this could have been prevented.
I also hate going there, to Magee. All the pregnant women and women with new babies. Thankfully, they were nice and had places for me to sit and wait away from all the people.
While I was there, I also got the print of the digital picture they took of Ari when he was born. Yeah, I cried when I saw it. Now I have both of their pictures, and I think I'll buy a new frame for them both and put them next to eachother.

*sigh* I just wanted to hear something good, but I didn't.
Side note, they took blood to check my thyroid and prolactin levels. If thyroid is fine, and prolactin is high, the OB said she could give me something to FINALLY stop the lactation. It's been a year since I started lactating, I'm very ready for it to stop.

saluki_fan · 07-11-2005, 08:18 PM

Renee,
I am sorry that you didn't get any real answers at your OB appointment. It was very good to hear that they let you sit in an area where you didn't have to be around PG women, though. I remember that had been a concern of yours. Not being from Pittsburgh, I don't know much about Magee, but I'll look it up online.

When you have moved to that next stage in your life and met someone you'd like to try again with (that must seem like ages away, but it's my belief it will happen for you someday) the preconception counseling definitely sounds like a good idea. Also, will you be doing something like bedrest, extra cervical checks, etc.?

Hopefully the thyroid and prolactin checks can get the lactating stopped too! That just sounds horrible. Wonder what they would give you for that.

Thank you for posting about your experience here. I know you didn't want to go and it must have been hard; I'm proud of you!

Meghan

ReneeBeth · 07-11-2005, 08:26 PM

Thanks. It was hard to go, I've been avoiding it. I also didn't allow a internal exam. She said if my bleeding doesn't stop w/in 2 weeks, I need to call her and consider coming in for an exam and ultrasound. Since I have the PCOS from hell, she said the bleeding might just be because of high progesterone levels still. So we'll see.
She was saying that it might be hard to do things differently next time. I was getting regular u/s, internal u/s and cervical checks. I was getting progesterone oil shots. I asked her about a ceclage, and she said it's hard to say with me. The problem they have with me, is that I'm so prone to infection, and one risk from a cerclage is infection. They also have no way of knowing if I went into labor before dilating/infection. So, bah. I'm worried now, that this will always be my fate. I don't know.

Reebekah · 07-11-2005, 09:05 PM

Meghan - Magee.edu

Renee- I'm happy you went. If you hadnt, you'd probably wonder what they would have said. Its kind of impossible to tell what came first, so Im not surprised that they werent able to give you answers. How did you know something was wrong the night you called the ambulance and went to Magee?
For what it's worth, I'll give my opinion. If you are to get pg. again, I think you should get a cerclage "just in case". If it was dilation first, the cerclage will help. If it was infection first, the cerclage might keep bacteria out and prevent infection from starting. If it was PPROM first, the cerclage might help to prevent it again...many times PPROM occurs due to infection or short cervix, both of which cerclage might help prevent. Preventative cerclage doesnt have nearly the infection risk and an emergency cerclage.
My coworkers sister lives in Pitts and goes to Magee...preg. #1 ended at 5 months, they told her it was a fluke.......preg. #2 ended at 6 months, they werent sure what happened....preg. #3 & 4 included a cerclage (I'll give you the Peris name if you want) and they were both successful.
Also, if you feel like driving 1.5 hours for a consultation and/or appts, I will be happy to give you my current Peris name (he is one of the few Peris not affiliated w/ Magee...not sure which insurances he accepts though).

Magee never sent me the digital pics they took of my babies. Its been almost a year, they are probably gone now. Did you have to do something to get them? I wonder all the time what happened to my girls pics. However, I was SO pissed at them, I never called. I do have the polariods that were taken, and the 35mm pics that my DH took, so I figured that was good enough.

LaurAnnHere · 07-11-2005, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reebekah

Renee- I'm happy you went. If you hadnt, you'd probably wonder what they would have said. Its kind of impossible to tell what came first, so Im not surprised that they werent able to give you answers. How did you know something was wrong the night you called the ambulance and went to Magee?
For what it's worth, I'll give my opinion. If you are to get pg. again, I think you should get a cerclage "just in case". If it was dilation first, the cerclage will help. If it was infection first, the cerclage might keep bacteria out and prevent infection from starting. If it was PPROM first, the cerclage might help to prevent it again...many times PPROM occurs due to infection or short cervix, both of which cerclage might help prevent. Preventative cerclage doesnt have nearly the infection risk and an emergency cerclage.

Also, they can keep you in the hospital several days instead of releasing you and give you IV antibiotics to prevent infection. I completely agree with Reebekah, too.

I am so sorry they didn't have answers for you. One of the most difficult things about losing a baby is the overwhelming feeling of "Was it my fault?" We search for what we might have done to prevent it. We search for what we did to cause it. I don't know why grieving mothers are compelled to find fault in themselves. Not having clear answers leaves plenty of room for self doubt. No matter what the cause was it is not your fault and you couldn't have done anything to prevent it. If you could have, you would have, and you know that. Searching for answers is good in some ways. The more information we are armed with might help us in the future and/or help us to help others.

ReneeBeth · 07-11-2005, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reebekah

Meghan - Magee.edu
How did you know something was wrong the night you called the ambulance and went to Magee?
For what it's worth, I'll give my opinion. If you are to get pg. again, I think you should get a cerclage "just in case". If it was dilation first, the cerclage will help. If it was infection first, the cerclage might keep bacteria out and prevent infection from starting. If it was PPROM first, the cerclage might help to prevent it again...many times PPROM occurs due to infection or short cervix, both of which cerclage might help prevent. Preventative cerclage doesnt have nearly the infection risk and an emergency cerclage.
My coworkers sister lives in Pitts and goes to Magee...preg. #1 ended at 5 months, they told her it was a fluke.......preg. #2 ended at 6 months, they werent sure what happened....preg. #3 & 4 included a cerclage (I'll give you the Peris name if you want) and they were both successful.
Magee never sent me the digital pics they took of my babies. Its been almost a year, they are probably gone now. Did you have to do something to get them? I wonder all the time what happened to my girls pics. However, I was SO pissed at them, I never called. I do have the polariods that were taken, and the 35mm pics that my DH took, so I figured that was good enough.

To reply to some of this, I knew something was wrong the night I called the ambulance because of the pain I was in. Like last time, it simply felt like i was constipated. So the lightbulb finally went off, it wasn't constipation pain. I also felt my cervix, or rather, didn't feel my cervix. I felt the membranes when I felt up there, and knew right away what I was feeling.
I'm not really thinking about future pg, because I first have to find someone to have a baby with.
You have to call Magee, ask for the head social worker. I don't think they throw the pictures away, so you should call and ask.

Pamela · 07-11-2005, 10:45 PM

Aw Renee, I'm sorry you didn't get any real answers. I'm glad to hear the doc will help you to stop lactating. And I'm glad you got Ari's picture!
I agree with the other gals that next time you should get a cerclage. It can't hurt and it might help!!
Hugs to you today Renee!!

kwannabee · 07-11-2005, 10:49 PM

Quote:

The problem they have with me, is that I'm so prone to infection, and one risk from a cerclage is infection. They also have no way of knowing if I went into labor before dilating/infection.

ReneeBeth thats exactly word for word what they said to me...well let me tell you...here i am...i fought for a cerclage this time and it came out today and i look back on those days of pure heartbreak and thinking what do i have to lose...that little stupid peice of shoelace saved this pregnancy...

even if there had been an infection it took ten minutes to get it out...its the infection that killed my babies last time and the whole 'which came first the chicken or the egg'...it really doesnt matter...i just know i did everything i could possibly do...the difference between this preg and the other ones are 1000%...in so many ways. Dont let them hmmmm and hawwwwww next time...and when the time is right for you there WILL be a next time cuz you have two little guardian angels looking out for their mommy...just like i did.

hugs to you for getting 'some' answers...i know they dont really help but at least you;ve got a starting point...

Reebekah · 07-12-2005, 12:50 AM

I know that having another baby is the last thing on your mind. And I know that what they might be able to try next time simply doesnt matter now because it doesnt bring Ari or Daniel back and THEY are what mattered to you. Believe me, I know that next time does not matter right now. I guess I just want to give you hope that if/when you reach that point in your life, this IS still hope.

I know it doesnt help anything now, but I know you'd prefer to have a cause or a reason for what happened. I'm wondering...did you have ANY symptoms before pain just kind of came out of nowhere? Pressure? Leaking feeling? How long before that did you get the 17p shot? How long before that did you get the cervix checked, and what was the length?

Also, just want to clarify that I dont think all negative thoughts about Magee. I think my previus post implied that. They have a good reputation. The reason I chose a Peri not affiliated w/ them had to do with distance and administrative issues as well, not just issues with my preterm delivery.

Thanks - I might have my DH call Magee and ask about my pictures.

ReneeBeth · 07-12-2005, 01:02 AM

I didn't really have any symptoms. I had some pain and pressure, but I had that since like 13 weeks and everything kept on coming out fine. Basically, I had constipation the whole pg, so for 24 hours, I thought I was contipated. Well, no...I actually was, but the pain was worse cuz of labor/dilation and whatever. I started the progesterone shots at 16 weeks, had my last u/s and cervical check at just before 18 weeks, and he was born at 19 weeks. My cervix was actually measuring 5+ the whole pg, which is very good. So, no signs that anything was going to go wrong.

SheriKCMO · 07-12-2005, 02:16 AM

Renee, I'm sorry it was hard to go back there. I really think that you should get copies of every single thing in your files and go elsewhere. There has got to be SOMEONE who can tell you they can get you to the finish line and actually do it. I hope the bleeding and the milk stop soon! Try to take good care of yourself, okay? (((Hugs)))

GabrielsMom · 07-12-2005, 12:53 PM

Renee, you're brave to go back there again. I remember my first follow up appointment. It was scary and so emotional. AND they made me wait in the waiting room with all the pregnant ladies who were there for ultrasounds. Anyways, I wanted to say that I agree with Sheri. My OB at the time told me that my loss may have been caused by my "active weekend" not necessarily by IC. He said he didn't plan to give me a cerclage next time. At first, I was numb when he said that, and then later on, I was just plain MAD. I had a moment of clarity and thought "What the hell am I still seeing this jerk for?" So, I changed my insurance (fortunately I still had time) so that I could go to a peri without a referral. I called them and made an appointment. I wrote down everything that happened to me during that pregnancy in my own words. I took it to the peri for another opinion. He said it sounded like IC (no way to know for sure) and that I should definitely get a cerclage next time. I asked him for the name of a good OB who would WORK WITH HIM closely for my next pg. I went to that OB and he is WONDERFUL. The end result is that I now have a LOT of hope. And it's hope that is bringing me through the bad times. I don't know when I'll conceive again. My body is not cooperating, but just having some answers has been extremely helpful in my healing. I think that it will help you, too.

Hugs,
Adrianne

VivC · 07-12-2005, 05:48 PM

Renee,

I'm sorry you didn't get any answers. I agree that it's better to be safe than sorry next time, and at this point, I don't think a cerclage would hurt anything.

I'm glad you got Ari's picture, and that you can look at his sweet face anytime you want to.

Please don't stress too much about "next time." When you meet Mr. Right, then you can worry about another pregnancy.

Love and hugs,