What do I do?

mommy2kaitlyn · 05-10-2007, 06:21 PM

Hi!
I am new to this board but not new to soul cysters.
I have sufferred 6 losses. Two of which were Jan 07 and March 07.
The one in Jan I suspected wasn't going to make it but I had high hopes for the one in March. Even went out and bought a package of diapers 2 days before it started!

I wanted to stock up slowly.
Anyway I have had this really nagging wierd feeling ever since to get rid of every single baby item I own! I don't know what it is or why. I have most of the stuff from my daughter still!
Would you do that? Get rid of it all? I just feel that it has been so long and so many losses (4) since I had her that I deserve new stuff for a new baby when it happens! Am I wrong? Is this just part of the grief process? I have never had this feeling before!
A big part of me wants it all out of my house like yesterday but a small part of me questions it.
Either way I will keep things that are meaningful to my daughter like her first easter dress and stuff. But I would get rid of the swing, pack n play, crib, stroller, other clothes, etc.
Let me know what you think!

HopefulCyster · 05-10-2007, 06:36 PM

Hard to say really.... I have an entire nursery full of stuff that DH & I started buying years ago.... since the loss of Gabriel, I've wanted to just sell it all and give up. But, I know if I ever did that... I wouldn't ever forgive myself. The stuff we have, means so much to us... even though its all sitting there unused...

I guess what you have to ask yourself..... are you done having kids, I mean... really done? Would you ever adopt? Is there any reason other then sentimental, that you want/need to keep the items around? It might be fun to buy all new stuff, there is such adorable new stuff out there now.... but, with a child, and a possible one in the future, would you be able to afford to re-buy everything?

I like to think that I'd never be able to part with anything my child used, however, I've never been there yet.... so I don't actually know. I just know, I can not get rid of the stuff I have now... because I would never forgive myself, and would always regret it!

Sorry for your losses, your daughter is beautiful! Good luck!

mommy2kaitlyn · 05-10-2007, 06:57 PM

I was the exact same way not getting rid of anything before I had my dd. I got lot from my SIL(I bought most of it) when her daughter out grew it. So I had 4 or more 18 gallon containers of clothes! I have that plus now. Most of it is girl so I could easily clothe triplet girls I would say.

I am definitely not done having more kids. That is for sure. Well lets say I am not done trying.
Could I afford to replace most of it..probably. I mean I gave my carseat away plus it is almost past the age to use it for another. So why not get rid of the stroller and buy a whole new system. Crib well I really want a different one. I don't like this one at all. lol I already sold her bedding set...winnie the pooh gets old when it is everywhere including swing, carseat, stroller and highchair! I plan on either making a new set or buying one. I hope the first but it depends on if the baby cooperates at the gender u/s

If not then I will just buy after it is born because we use the bassinet first anyway.

Sorry about the rambling. I just don't know. My dh supports me in whatever I decide, so he his no help.

Thanks for the thoughts! And thank you for the comment on my daughter. She is my life!

Sorry for your losses!

RunnerDuck · 05-10-2007, 07:17 PM

My son is 3 1/2 and I often want to get rid of some of his baby stuff just because of how everyone jokes about when you get rid of your baby stuff, you get pregnant again.

But it's such a waste of money and of the earth's resources to do that. I don't really feel like I or the baby deserve all new stuff, if and when "the baby" comes... most everything I have is perfectly nice and it would be silly to get rid of it and I could buy other cool stuff we want/deserve if I am not paying to replace all the perfectly good stuff I got rid of. Swing is nice, walker is nice, bouncer is nice, doorway jumper is nice, playpen is nice, etc. Crib is nice AND he's still sleeping in it so I'm not gonna pull THAT out from under him. (It's a toddler bed now, we're hoping to move back east sometime this year so don't want to bother getting big boy bed till then so it is one less large thing to move)

So I'm not going to do it, though I am tempted, just to fix my luck.

The one thing I really AM considering getting rid of, though, is the infant car seat... since it's getting old, by the time I need it again, it will be even older. Not that I am THAT sold on the 5 year limit ... actually it's more a case of, they make baby buckets you can keep the baby in longer now, and I would like one of those. But our car seat came with our stroller and I feel like I should get rid of both together but we still use the stroller a LOT so I don't know what to do there.

Maybe I should just give the carseat away for free, I don't know.

Oh, and I might sell the cradle, since I didn't like it all that much anyway.

Fleegle4 · 05-10-2007, 08:13 PM

I think if you're going to save the meaningful keepsakes, it comes down to a question of can you really afford to replace it? If you're in a strong financial position, and you want to, find another home for it. Do you know someone else who could use it? People pass on baby stuff all the time -- I know items that have been used over and over as they move from family to family, and sometimes back to the original owner. There's more than one cycle of life.

Would you be willing to accept used items when you need them next? When I was thinking about things a couple of months ago, I was more than open to the idea of using things that friends no longer needed, and buying things piece by piece, as the need arose. I had started to think through in my head what was essential (crib/bassinet, dresser with changing pad on top, high chair (after the first few months), car seat/stroller and playpen or blanket on the floor), when I realized that I wasn't going to need them after all. I had already started to think through which friends were at the stage where they'd be ready to offload old items. Junior was going to be clothed by Target and Old Navy, and I'd let well meaning friends and family buy the expensive stuff. I think we all buy too much stuff, and if it's safe and not too ugly, I'm more than happy to reuse. But I also refused to get anything at all until I was much further along, and I'm glad I didn't. The only thing I opened was a bank account. Which I'm still making deposits to for the next time, if it ever happens.

But if the only reason you want to get rid of the things is because you've given up, don't. Let it collect dust in the basement, not as symbol of failure, but as a symbol of hope. It's not hurting anyone; don't let it hurt you.

mommy2kaitlyn · 05-10-2007, 09:00 PM

[quote=RunnerDuck;1888421458]My son is 3 1/2 and I often want to get rid of some of his baby stuff just because of how everyone jokes about when you get rid of your baby stuff, you get pregnant again.

Yeah I am thinking that might be part of my thinking. It worked for my mom...though ended in miscarriage.

It did happen to quite a few people I knew also.
I think every new baby deserves some new things. All new maybe not but some new for sure.

I mean I would buy a new carseat anyway why not spring the few extra bucks for a matching stroller.
We didn't use the pack n play much.
Maybe it is because Kaitlyn had a lot of used stuff that I want all new. I don't know. She had a more new then used as time went on. High chair, walker, swing.
It will be atleast 5 years since I last had a baby. ugh

mommy2kaitlyn · 05-10-2007, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fleegle4

I think if you're going to save the meaningful keepsakes, it comes down to a question of can you really afford to replace it?
Would you be willing to accept used items when you need them next?

But if the only reason you want to get rid of the things is because you've given up, don't. Let it collect dust in the basement, not as symbol of failure, but as a symbol of hope. It's not hurting anyone; don't let it hurt you.

Yeah I am sure we can afford to replace it and my dad has already said he will buy the new carseat if we want him to. He bought my dd's travel system. He also will keep them both in Nike's...his choice! LOL He won't go gender neutral on DD's either. I have her size 0 Nike crib shoes all the way up through current

So if I have a girl it will be in shoes anyway unless he insists on buying new for her. lol He already said when/if we have a boy he will keep him in shoes to. lol

I am a clearance shopper for like clothes and even most baby stuff. Carseat not so much depending though. I will not use one that is past 5 years old and only if I know and trust the owner will I use a used one at all! It depends on the maker some say 5 years and some say 6. I have seen the studies and all and I totally will not use older. I do have an older one that my aunt gave me and I will keep it because of the sentimental value just like the bassinet she gave me. I used the carseat for feeding time before the high chair and for when my dd had to sleep sitting up when she had RSV.

I definitely haven't given up hope! I just feel I need it out of the house. It is taking up space in my closet and basement. And I have to look at it every time I go down there. A reason I hate going down there.

I do agree you don't need much. It is nice to have more. I mean swing, bouncy, changing table, etc are all optional.

I already have perfect height dressers for a changing table

Thanks for your input! Now I am rambling again.

deblynnc · 05-10-2007, 11:16 PM

From what you've written, it sounds like something you'd really like to do, for a number of reasons. I, personally, don't see anything wrong with it. If you can afford to, you could always donate the stuff to a women's shelter, if you don't know someone personally who could use it.

I wouldn't think of it as wasteful, as long as someone is using it. It could even be considered a good deed if the things are passed on free or cheaply to someone in need who can't afford to buy new stuff.

I hope you get to have another full term pregnancy soon. {{{HUGS}}}

Zooy · 05-11-2007, 03:15 AM

Why not put it in storage? That way its like its gone but if you need it again, it'll be there.

SheriKCMO · 05-11-2007, 03:27 AM

I'm sorry for all of your losses! I hope you decide something that makes you happy, but in my own case I didn't feel that way. We were all about hand me downs from the first day of the first pregnancy, whether that baby would get to use them first or not. (((Hugs)))

mommy2kaitlyn · 05-11-2007, 04:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deblynnc

From what you've written, it sounds like something you'd really like to do, for a number of reasons. I, personally, don't see anything wrong with it. If you can afford to, you could always donate the stuff to a women's shelter, if you don't know someone personally who could use it.

I wouldn't think of it as wasteful, as long as someone is using it. It could even be considered a good deed if the things are passed on free or cheaply to someone in need who can't afford to buy new stuff.

I hope you get to have another full term pregnancy soon. {{{HUGS}}}

Thank you. Yes I will donate much of it. Sell a bit but really cheap.

mommy2kaitlyn · 05-11-2007, 04:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zooy

Why not put it in storage? That way its like its gone but if you need it again, it'll be there.

Where? I mean the big stuff I can't hide. I suppose I can hide the boxes of clothes in the basement but the big stuff I certainly can't

And I can't see paying to store it somewhere. By the time I do that for a year I could have probably bought all of it new!

mommy2kaitlyn · 05-11-2007, 04:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SheriKCMO

I'm sorry for all of your losses! I hope you decide something that makes you happy, but in my own case I didn't feel that way. We were all about hand me downs from the first day of the first pregnancy, whether that baby would get to use them first or not. (((Hugs)))

Thank you. I hope I didn't offend! My daughter crib was bought used because it was something I thought I wanted...turns out not exactly.
I have nothing against buying used. And I have a theory most of the time it is new to you.
And who knows I might buy some used stuff when it comes time. I just don't want to look at what I have any longer. It is all getting older and could be used right now! Why let it sit and collect dust when it can be used by a child right now.