What do I do?

SarahBoo · 12-08-2003, 12:44 PM

HI! My husband is in the navy and was gone when I was diagnosed in May of 2003. He came home to PCOS. And sometimes I feel like maybe he wished he hadnt came home at all. I explained via email while he was gone what was going on with me. We talked about getting pregnant again, before he left, after he got home. So when he got home in September we tried for three months but alas in the second month I quit having AF and ovulating. So now we are on Clomid. But I guess what Im wondering is how do I make sure hes okay. I think my myriad of problems depresses him. I try to be as upbeat as I can about everything and I went on antidepressants because I couldnt stop crying. Maybe Im wondering how long it will take before he gets used to me having PCOS, because I know hes not now. He just kinda goes along with it. And I have to wonder if hes hurt because I didnt get pregnant right away? A guys point of view on what I could do to help him be okay with this. And hes going out to sea again next month. I dont think he would come here and post though...hes the quiet shy type and only gets on the puter to play Star Wars Galaxies. Thanks for listening.

me-22
Dh-23
DD-3
1000mg/day of glucophage XR
Folic acid, wellbutrin 100mg/day
First round of clomid 12/2003 50mg/day

shorty1kanobi · 12-08-2003, 02:08 PM

I think the guys here can give you some good advice. I know that my hubby struggled for a while, especially due to the mood swings and the fact that this was something he'd never heard of before. Because my symptoms REALLY took hold after I got off of birth control pills, I think he thought that I just went crazy after my diagnosis, and that maybe I was exaggerating.

Luckily for me, my dear friend also has PCOS and was the one who advised me to get tested. She came over one day while he was home and sat and talked with us about how she was glad he could be so understanding, and what PCOS meant for her. I think it really helped for him to hear from someone else that it wasn't just me. Especially after his doc said "well it can be controlled by medication, she just needs to lose weight."

One other thing that has worked really well for me is to say to Dh, "you know I was on SC today and someone was saying they had the same problem with..........fill in the blank..... and a whole bunch of other women responded and said that they did too. It really helped me to feel that I wasn't alone in this and i realized yet again that so many of the things that are driving me crazy are related to PCOS."

I hope this helps, if you ever need to talk, let me know. My best advice is to keep the communication open.

TxHubby · 12-08-2003, 02:40 PM

The best advice I can give is to just keep talking to him & try to keep him as informed about things as you can. It was a little bit of a shock to me, when I first learned that my DW had PCOS (once I found out what PCOS was), but I quickly changed my focus to trying to be strong for her & help her cope with the news. I just wanted to help her in any way that I could, and be there for her. From the time that she was diagnosed, through the time that we were TTC, through the great news that we were indeed pregnant, throughout the entire pregnancy, and now through the first 18 months with our beautiful DD...it's been a challenge for both of us to deal with, but we've been able to handle it, just like we try to handle everything...together. We just make sure we keep communicating and that we're there for each other to lean on, when one of us needs it. I've actually felt like this has brought us even closer together as a couple, because of the fact that we're going through it together, and it kind of gives you that "us against it" mentality, that we're not going to let PCOS get the best of us !!

I can't speak for all men, because I'm sure everyone reacts to it in a different way, but as long as you keep talking to each other, and stand by each other...you will be able to deal with this together, and I think that in the long run, it will help make you a stronger couple. Just remember: " That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger. "

Good Luck & I hope everything works out ok, keep us posted & try to convince him that he can come here if he ever needs advice or just to get something off his chest, etc...there's a lot of good people on this site, so neither of you ever have to feel alone in this.

SarahBoo · 12-08-2003, 05:22 PM

I know that he will sometimes act this way during predeployment. Which deployment is coming up. IM just hoping his cranky or grumpiness will subside. I will try to keep talking to him and hope things get better after the holidays past. Hopefully I will be pregnant so one thing that we both are fretting about gets calmed down. Things for listening and replying I really appreciate it. Again I cant believe how wonderful this site is in its support. Thanks!

me-22
dh-23
dd-3
dx-may2003
glucophage Xr 1000mg/day
folic acid
wellbutrin 100mg
and clomid as soon as Af decides to show.

creme brulee · 12-08-2003, 05:37 PM

I know you wanted advice from men, but just wanted to add my pennies worth!
I can't speak for your husband, but I know that my husband doesn't really know anything about PCOS and when I first told him I had it, he was really confused and upset and frustrated that it was nothing that he could 'fix'. Men like to be problem solvers and hate to feel helpless, so it is no wander your husband is feeling frustrated. It is also made harder by the fact that he has to leave home for periods of time and to read something on email always sounds much worse than it really is, so I would suggest talking it though with your husband and telling him all the treatments that are available. The hundreds of mommy cysters and pregnant cyster on this board are proof that having babies is a very real possibility for all of us.
I really hope that you can work through this with your husband and that he will be able to give you the support that you so dearly need.

All the very best and remember we are here to support you too.

Denise

SarahBoo · 12-09-2003, 07:18 PM

Deployment is a hard time for anyone dealing with it. And maybe I didnt take into consideration that hearing it through email would be hard on him. I tried to explain to him. I just think he didnt take it as literally as I tried to explain it. I think he thought he would come home and that I would be pregnant within a month. I think it hurts him. We are starting clomid in three days and I really hope I get pregnant from this first round. We miscarried twins four years ago and it was soo hard on him as well as me. But also hard on our marriage....we both tried to grieve on our own....not together. But after one night of crying together we were okay again. And three months after my surgery we got pregnant with Kheara. So IM praying that this works. Thanks for the advice and listening to me go off.

Me-22
Dh-23
DD-3
dx- May 2003
Glucophage 1000mg Xr/day
folic acid
wellbutrin 100mg/day
Clomid in three days!!!!

creme brulee · 12-09-2003, 08:23 PM

No problem - that's what we are here for!! I really hope that you have much success with this round of clomid. M/c is really hard on everyone, but glad that you managed to work through the tough times together. Keep you head held high a keep us updated on your progress. I start clomid in Jan, so hope like you, that it will be a great success!

All the best and sprinkling loads of babydust your way.

Denise