What do you do when the man you love and desire to spend the rest of your life with goes to see the Fertility DR. gets scared and decides for the both of you that your going to wait 3 years? Due to finances, lifestyles, etc. You have a plan that resolves all his concerns and he agrees it does, but still says your going to wait 3 years because it sounds good. How do you choose between the man you've been with for years, and the overwhelming desire that feels like your body will explode if you are not able to give this love to a child.
I can go from being ok and not thinking about it, to crying and its the only thing I can think about. He'll ask whats wrong, I cant bear to have the conversation again, it hurts too much and eventually it might end to our demise. I dont really want to go see a Shrink, I'm scared when the time comes to adopt (which we want to do whether or not we have a bio baby) it might work against me that I have seen a mental health professional.
Where do I go from here
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Eva,
I'm so sorry! I had a similar situation when my husband decided he really didn't want any more kids (he has 2 sons from a previous relationship). I was crushed. I finally had to sit him down and explain what having a child meant to me. How it was all I thought about, how I was jealous of all my friends who had kids, and how I had an ache in my heart for a child. He hadn't realized how important it was to me.
Does he understand that the longer you wait, the longer it might be for you to conceive?
Good luck!!
__________________ Alison (25)
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Proud Stepmom of 3 Boys
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I've accepted fate and know I will never carry a child of my own.
Last edited by aks226; 02-14-2008 at 11:01 AM.
Reason: spelling
I'm sorry that things are not going up the adoption path for you. I think personally that if I were going to adopt that through the HIPAA acts they have no reason to access that information. That information is confidential unless you permit it to be otherwise. It's better to seek help if you need it then to let it go till the issue is much bigger than it should be. Best of luck no matter what you decide!
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Kristina (27), Dustin (28)
& Ani Rose (6)
The Johnson Fam est 10/26/02
Two angel babies:
16wks 10/08 & 9wks 03/09
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Eva,
I'm so sorry! I had a similar situation when my husband decided he really didn't want any more kids (he has 2 sons from a previous relationship). I was crushed. I finally had to sit him down and explain what having a child meant to me. How it was all I thought about, how I was jealous of all my friends who had kids, and how I had an ache in my heart for a child. He hadn't realized how important it was to me.
Does he understand that the longer you wait, the longer it might be for you to conceive?
Good luck!!
Thank you Allison. I have explained it to him, but he truly doesnt understand. He says those hateful words "We are young", or "We have time"
My mom says he must not be the one, but my dad is his number one fan, and thinks we should wait until we get married anyhow. which I dont have a problem with (seeing I want to get married 9/09) but knowing mister he'll push the wedding date further away to match the timeframe he has stuck in his head, to TTC. AHHHHHHHHHH
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I'm sorry that things are not going up the adoption path for you. I think personally that if I were going to adopt that through the HIPAA acts they have no reason to access that information. That information is confidential unless you permit it to be otherwise. It's better to seek help if you need it then to let it go till the issue is much bigger than it should be. Best of luck no matter what you decide!
Your Ani Rose is adorable!
I will still pursue adoption in the future, we are not ready yet as far as proper housing, and it will be extremely difficult seeing we are not married yet. It would be easier if I was trying to adopt as a single mother (which is crazy to me). I truly want a piece of he and I, that true symbol of our love. Dont get me wrong adoption is great I'm not trying to down play it in anyway. I really want to do both. I just crave the opportunity to feel that life inside me. ( I know you understand ladies)
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To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. We will break through this physical and emotional wall- Eva
Oh I am so sorry you are going through this, and I can totally relate. When we first started going to a fertility clinic, when they told him you know before we can go any further, they would have to run some tests on him as well, just to make sure there were not problems on both ends. I remember his exact words, He looked at me, then at the doctors and said, "Why, when we already know the problem is with her?" I was so shocked, I went home and just cried my heart out. Turns out problem was with BOTH of us.
What I did and I know it was probably wrong, but it worked, I told him look I wasn't happy, he isn't there for me, physically sure no problem, but emotionally he is no where to be seen. I did the hardest thing I could ever of done, I left him for 9 months (there were other issues beside just the one listed above). We still saw each other, and he would come over, and I would come over, and what we did, is kind of like started dating again, trying to work past it. He finally realized that it is both of our lives that this is happeneing to, not just him, and he completely understands now. But he wouldn't go to any appointments with me, he wouldn't ask questions, nothing.
By no means am I saying do what I did, just trying to explain, that it is harder for some guys then others. They seem to take a hit to their pride, when doctors want to test and probe them, they don' consider how many times we have to get up on a table and spread our legs for an exam. It may just take having to sit him down, with no distractions, and really talk to him, and I mean really. If it takes you pouring your heart out then do it. You love him, and he loves you, he should be able to listen, and see why this bothers you, and then see where he is coming from, because I am sure there is an issue that he just doesn't want to talk about.
I know it seems like the converstations seem pointless at times, but sometimes that is the only way. He can not guess what your thinking, and vise versa, the more you talk about it, and act on your feelings about it, the better off it will get.
I hope everything starts going a little better for you, and I wish you all the luck.
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My two beautiful angel babies born March 17, 2008. Born to soon and so beautiful.
Saphyre Ryver Jones and Londyn Rayne Jones.
You will always be in your Mommy's and Daddy's heart.
Dec 10th - IVF Retrivial
Dec 15th -Transfer 3 Embryos
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Oh I am so sorry you are going through this, and I can totally relate. When we first started going to a fertility clinic, when they told him you know before we can go any further, they would have to run some tests on him as well, just to make sure there were not problems on both ends. I remember his exact words, He looked at me, then at the doctors and said, "Why, when we already know the problem is with her?" I was so shocked, I went home and just cried my heart out. Turns out problem was with BOTH of us.
What I did and I know it was probably wrong, but it worked, I told him look I wasn't happy, he isn't there for me, physically sure no problem, but emotionally he is no where to be seen. I did the hardest thing I could ever of done, I left him for 9 months (there were other issues beside just the one listed above). We still saw each other, and he would come over, and I would come over, and what we did, is kind of like started dating again, trying to work past it. He finally realized that it is both of our lives that this is happeneing to, not just him, and he completely understands now. But he wouldn't go to any appointments with me, he wouldn't ask questions, nothing.
By no means am I saying do what I did, just trying to explain, that it is harder for some guys then others. They seem to take a hit to their pride, when doctors want to test and probe them, they don' consider how many times we have to get up on a table and spread our legs for an exam. It may just take having to sit him down, with no distractions, and really talk to him, and I mean really. If it takes you pouring your heart out then do it. You love him, and he loves you, he should be able to listen, and see why this bothers you, and then see where he is coming from, because I am sure there is an issue that he just doesn't want to talk about.
I know it seems like the converstations seem pointless at times, but sometimes that is the only way. He can not guess what your thinking, and vise versa, the more you talk about it, and act on your feelings about it, the better off it will get.
I hope everything starts going a little better for you, and I wish you all the luck.
Thank you so much. I've poured my heart out, I've approached it in so many angles. I am just tired. I have periods of the day when I dont think about any of it, then there are times when I'm consumed with nothing but. I've never loved so completely. He cant take it when I'm sad, he doesnt know what to do, so I try to get all my crying out before he comes home (he works the late shift). This site has been a gift from God! You ladies has been such a blessing, Thank You
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What do you do... 
